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Would a reckless spender put you off a relationship?

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  • OberonSH
    OberonSH Posts: 1,792 Forumite
    My boyfriend likes having money, gets upset that he can't do the 'proper' boyfriend thing and take me out, buy me flowers etc. but I'm not that bothered about that. I'd rather we spent time together etc than anything else. I'm in debt, doesn't seem to bother him, and he only has a car loan so not much there.

    The only thing about money that makes us argue is the fact that he gets very upset if he doesn't get a good wage (comission based sales) and gets in a right strop.

    I think it would put me off if it was a large amount of debt, but as long as that person had it under control and was doing something about it then that show's a responsible attitude.
    This year I'm getting organised once and for all, and going to buy a house with my wonderful other half. And that' s final!

    Current Pay Off Target : £1500 :mad:
  • Kevicho
    Kevicho Posts: 3,216 Forumite
    OberonSH wrote:
    My boyfriend likes having money, gets upset that he can't do the 'proper' boyfriend thing and take me out, buy me flowers etc. but I'm not that bothered about that. I'd rather we spent time together etc than anything else. I'm in debt, doesn't seem to bother him, and he only has a car loan so not much there.

    Youll have to excuse me, just come back from the pub ;)

    For years now in all the failed relationships ive had, ive always felt that way, ya know the guy/gentleman thing of treating the gal, making sure she had what she wanted etc, and looking back on that now that makes me feel like a moron.

    I have a lot going for me, in so many ways yet i felt like i had to spend, lavishly to keep whoever, and that mentality probably turned them off (and made me skint)

    Either that or i was after the wrong king of gal.

    I think this subject definately play on peoples insecurities, and people get trapped in a mindest that its ok to stay with someone who is spending there money, beating them, cheating on them or whatever else that happens in "relationships"

    Its not easy being human
  • MinnieSpender
    MinnieSpender Posts: 2,975 Forumite
    Kevicho - I feel for you.

    It's not just a bloke thing - I've always been the one who'll bend over backwards to make sure my OHs were OK in the past. The usual result is that they go off for the type of woman you're talking about - the ones who expect the moon on a silver salver. And I'm usually left carrying the debt and the aggro.

    A friend of mine once told me I need to more of a "b**ch" when it comes to relationships. I don't think that's the way forward!

    As things stand, I've got too much on my plate to get involved with someone at the moment, and anyway, I'm just far too chicken to try.
    :eek: What if the hokey cokey is what it's all about? :eek:
    Official "Bring back Mark and Lard NOW! or else (please)" Member 16
  • Kevicho
    Kevicho Posts: 3,216 Forumite
    K
    A friend of mine once told me I need to more of a "b**ch" when it comes to relationships. I don't think that's the way forward!

    The amount of times ive said to friends i need to be meaner and they so no your fine is uncanny

    I say its whoever else's fault, and im not changing for amybody :)
  • QueenB.
    QueenB. Posts: 1,083 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Well i am in a relationship and i have to say the only thing my OH and i ever really argue or stress about is money. We do have different ways of looking at money and it did nearly result in us breaking up about a year ago but luckily he has been willing to attack the problem and is slowly changing his ideas about money.

    It still does bother him that he can't treat me, and i am trying to get him to find other ways of doing that that are free LOL.

    However like another person if single i would have no problem having some fun with a reckless spender but for a serious relationship i would not even consider one now.
    Success means having to worry about every thing in the world......EXCEPT MONEY. Johnny Cash

    Cross stitch Cafe member 81.
  • jet77
    jet77 Posts: 1,586 Forumite
    I think that keeping your finances seperate unless they give u charge of their wages is the only way

    PS Singles MSE club is an ace idea!!!
    JUST DO IT ONE BRICK AT A TIME
    PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBTS
    Weekly Budget: groceries£50/petrol£50/Unnecesary£15
    DEBT PAID = 58% (£4,212/£8216):T
  • chriz1000
    chriz1000 Posts: 457 Forumite
    It depends what you mean really, if they go out have fun and manage to spend all there pay packet but aren’t in any sort of debt. Fair play to them, they have had the self control to live how they want to live, but restrained themselves from getting into financial difficulties. These are usually the sort of people who are scared of debt and will change there spending habits rather than get a credit card or loan.
    However the same scenario but with serious debt problems I wouldn’t touch. If you get involved you’re only going to end up paying for your partner’s mistakes, financially and emotionally.
  • dinkylou
    dinkylou Posts: 727 Forumite
    Yes, a reckless spender would and has put me off in the past.

    Its fine for a bit of fun but when you really start to like the person, thats when it becomes difficult as you start to look to the future.

    I'm not looking for a guy who is materialistic anyway as I'm not really and spending loads of money on 'things' for me has never impressed me.

    I'd much prefer a guy who can have a good time and not spend the earth doing it.

    Imagination is what I'm looking for.
  • highguyuk
    highguyuk Posts: 2,763 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Surely if you like the person, or even fall in love with them, then whatever happens you can sort it out together.

    On a first date or meeting, you don't ask how much debt do they have ... so by the time your 3 months down the line and you find out about there finances, what you going to do ... walk out straight away? I'd like to think if that happened I would want to help and get them on the straight and narrow ... and I'd like to think most people would want to do the same thing! Help the other person out, not just run away!
  • chriz1000
    chriz1000 Posts: 457 Forumite
    Very true mate, didn’t really think about the fact you don’t find out about peoples financial situation until sometime into the relationship. Debt isn’t exactly something you boast about
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