Would a reckless spender put you off a relationship?

JAMIEDODGER

hmmmmm, so this is what youve been up to while ive been away then kev?;)

in answer to your post.....it would def put me off. a balance is nice yes but think of all the effort we put into getting debt free.....would you risk it? i wouldnt. a good relationship is also about having hopes and dreams together, which is difficult when one of you spends like crazy and the other saves for a secure future.

tiggertoo_3

It's difficult to stand back and look at the practicalities when you first start a relationship but maybe someone will learn a lesson from reading this thread.

The axe is about to fall on my marriage because of my OHs reckless spending and addiction to 'gadgets' (amongst a catalogue of other things) and I am in in the middle of working out how on earth I am going to survive financially when the end comes...which it will. He has racked up somewhere in the region of 30K debt, a fraction of which is my debt. If only I had been wiser, sooner - I would have taken a tighter control of the idiots spending but as one previous poster has experienced, he is of the opinion that if he earns it, he should spend it. Strange how he can't quite fathom out that the debt is not earned money that he was able to spend!

I never wanted to save for a secure future or anything like that, I have never been in a position to do that anyway but now I am further from being able to save anything than ever. I will be on my own with 2 children to support (which thankfully aren't his) but I am cool with that - its the financial side of it that terrifies me! Still, the one good thing is that the council house that I rent is in my name only, so me and the kids have a safe roof over our heads at least!

As I said, I hope someone might be influenced by reading this thread and even though it is very unromantic, they take a long hard look at what they are possibly getting in to!

ZoeMarie_2

I'm going to say yes it would too.

I just finished a relationship with someone who was bad with money, but not in debt, unlike me! We met at about the same time I had my lightbulb moment, and I have spent two and a half years paying off £9k, so had very little spare money. He had a decent wage, but spent it all on unimportant things, and had to pay late payment fees because he forgot to pay bills on time, so had no savings either.

In the end I took control of all the bills, and his account, including paying into a savings account, which he didn't notice until I told him I was using it to pay for us to go skiing!

But at the same time, I felt like his mother and used to resent that he wasn't more responsible, so we argued about it.

Now I am single again, and have a second date tomorrow After reading this I have every intention of asking him what he's like with money.

Tr@cker

And i bet he'll be very impressed by that-not.

CommandoJim

I need some advice.

Wife is really poor with money. We have debts, some of which I should have put my foot down and stopped before they started.

Thing is, I know she's got credit in her maiden name and in our married name. Although she works I know things are going wrong. Phone calls from companies, a single CCJ (...well only one that I know about.)

When I was a kid my dad was the only wage earner and kept getting made redundant. So money was always a worry - to the extent when I got my first p/t job at 16 that I often chipped in and paid money to keep lenders at bay.

My wife knows this and how much it affected me. But her denial and refusing to deal with things is eating me up and eroding our relationship. The way I feel if I sat her down and tried to talk things thorugh I think I'm likely to blow my stack and leave.

I'm at the end of my tether and worried I'll walk out on the kids.

Kevicho

CommandoJim wrote:

I need some advice.

Wife is really poor with money. We have debts, some of which I should have put my foot down and stopped before they started.

I think She has a problem and it does need addressing.

I think you really need to consider your approach before you speak to her about it.

Especially because of the kids.

I dont think you should leave someone becuase they are in debt, i think you should try to work it out and help her through it

I basically say this because of the kids situation, if this was first date time maybe id give her another chance and thats it.

If i were in your situation i would get her to have a read through this site, there are a lot of people on here who know how t run up debts, but know they are working their socks off to pay it all back.

She is not alone, no one is, if it takes some time then you should stick with it.

There is more to life than money, family is important, i say this as a kid from a single parent family but i would have been disgusted/distraught if i found out my dad walked out on me because of this issue

I sympathise with how you feel, you arent in a nice position, but if we can help we're more than happy too

Kev

CommandoJim

Kev,

Thanks ..... this isn't the only issue but it's a big one for me because of what I went through as a kid.

It boils down to respect and I feel she doesn't respect me.

Kevicho

I understand what you mean, it seems like your efforts are being wasted because of someone else's attitude which isnt nice

I think you need to have that conversation, i cant say how you should approach it because you now how the missus' mind works, you just need to find a way to put it

Firefly

Oh dear Commando Jim, what a rotten time you must be going through. I am sure the issue isn't the money, but the lack of trust in your relationship and her 'ignorance' (perhaps wrong word to use) of what matters to you.

Could you write down the things that are troubling you and then read over them and ponder before discussing it with her.

My guess is that the money troubles are simply a symptom. Poor you, I hope it all works out OK.

sheeny_2

ZoeMarie wrote:

Now I am single again, and have a second date tomorrow After reading this I have every intention of asking him what he's like with money.

If he laughs and says "Oh, I'm hopeless with money - you only live once" then you'll know what to do with him.

But what if he actually is good with money (hooray!).
If you start quizzing him directly about it on only the second date, he may think to himself "Gold digger, eh? I know what to do with her".;)