I've made a huge mistake - son's school

mountainofdebt

If you really feel that the situation isn't going to get better ten I wouldn't be waiting for January before you started compling evidence -I would be doing it now .....if January comes and you don't need it then all well and good but its there if you need it.

Why if your son was in the feeder school didn't he get a place btw?

tori.k

is there anyone that he knows from another tutor group, i had this with my DS2 he had made friends with a lad in another tutor and the school agreed to shift him tutor groups he then became more outgoing in his new tutor group and soon made friends, its been great as he has friends from school and friends from home

cloverfan

Hi i agree my son was terribly bullied resulting in a broken nose etc...he was bullied from reception class until year 9!!!!!! he has changed this year by his own self esteem and so the bullys have changed and becomes his friends(VERY hard to bite my tounge at times when so and so comes in to go on the X box and i still remember when they were 7 and my son crying for hours!!) as said my son was bullied all through primary school too-did your son have any problems at his old school? even if not to this extent? I know of some ppl in my area who have approached the local MP?? this has actually swung it for someone to get into there chosen school on the grounds that his older brother was there then the family moved and younger one out of catchment area but MP helped.....good luck x

DevilsAdvocate1

cloverfan wrote: »

Hi i agree my son was terribly bullied resulting in a broken nose etc...he was bullied from reception class until year 9!!!!!! he has changed this year by his own self esteem and so the bullys have changed and becomes his friends(VERY hard to bite my tounge at times when so and so comes in to go on the X box and i still remember when they were 7 and my son crying for hours!!) as said my son was bullied all through primary school too-did your son have any problems at his old school? even if not to this extent? I know of some ppl in my area who have approached the local MP?? this has actually swung it for someone to get into there chosen school on the grounds that his older brother was there then the family moved and younger one out of catchment area but MP helped.....good luck x

He had some minor problems at primary, but nothing like this. And he had friends at primary. They only thing I did find out was that he had always played with boys older than himself. When they went off to secondary last year we had a few problems as DA boy missed them. We have kept in touch with one of them and the other 2 are in touch through Facebook.

My son is one of those people who is just nice and I think this is perceived as weak. He also takes things to heart. For example, some of them called him toilet face yesterday. I laughed when he told me and said that surely he couldn't be offended as he only had to look in the mirror to know that he looked nothing like a toilet - he's not even the same shape! He laughed at this, but later told me it was funny when the 1st boy said it, but then when the others chanted it he felt embarassed.

The meeting with the school is on Wednesday lunchtime. I think I might record it on my dictaphone as I'll probably forget what is said otherwise.

Its hard. D.

DevilsAdvocate1

mountainofdebt wrote: »

If you really feel that the situation isn't going to get better ten I wouldn't be waiting for January before you started compling evidence -I would be doing it now .....if January comes and you don't need it then all well and good but its there if you need it.

Why if your son was in the feeder school didn't he get a place btw?

Its a bit odd really. The secondary school classes 8 of the primaries as its feeder schools. They work really closely with these schools, sending in their French teachers to teach French from year 4; having various sports tournaments and stage shows etc. This means that the primary children are all familiar with the school and its layout before they start there.

However, when it is time to allocate places from school, they do it on distance. Not only that, but we are on the border of 2 counties. We live in one and the primary and first choice secondary are in the other.

It really complicates matters that the county in which I live operates feeder schools. So my children are not in a feeder school for the county we live in and too far away from the other. They are kind of left without a school.

So I was really pleased when we were offered a school with a good reputation. However, it doesn't seem to be working out.

D.

JBD

Devils advocate, how is your son feeling now? I would just like to add, does the school run any antibullying workshops or progammes? Also do they have a mentor or buddy system. The idea is to try and change attitudes, name calling etc, to protect all the children. I think my oldest son used to do these kinds of things ,just discussion type things really.

jaffa30

HI Devils Advocate


I hope the little lad is feeling ok

I would be on to the board of goveners aswell and if thats doesnt sort it i would be ringing the education department and making a complaint




Apolls if its been mentioned but what about Judo / karate, cubs scouts that sort of thing, it will build his confidence

DevilsAdvocate1

jaffa30 wrote: »

HI Devils Advocate


I hope the little lad is feeling ok

I would be on to the board of goveners aswell and if thats doesnt sort it i would be ringing the education department and making a complaint




Apolls if its been mentioned but what about Judo / karate, cubs scouts that sort of thing, it will build his confidence

He did karate for a while, but decided to stop 2 months ago. I'm trying to get him to go again. He is a green belt and would be going for his purple soon.

He's been off ill today along with his 2 younger brothers. All got a really high temperature.

Feel quite sorry for him as he is good friends with one boy who is in year 8 at his school and this boy had invited him back to his tonight. They were going to go out to the cinema with a group of year 8s. Really disappointed that he's ill and couldn't go. We've invited this boy out bowling when they are off and he usually sees him every Saturday. However, he has said to my son that he can't hang around with him all the time at school.

The meeting with the school is on Wednesday lunchtime. The tutor sat down with my son yesterday and made him tell her everything. I'm going to get him to write it all down for us to take to the meeting. My husband will be there too which is good as I can become confrontational when I'm emotional (I know my faults!). Obviously, this would not be good. I want to be calm and reasonable. My husband has promised to kick me if he notices the warning signs!

Thanks everyone for replying and following the thread. Its made / making a huge difference to me.

D.

backtomum

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Lots of people have said this to me and while I agree, I don't think my son can be written off and expected to be name called and sworn at for the next 5 years. I do think the school could have handled things much better by not keeping such large friendship groups together and not letting them choose where to sit from day 1.

How is any child supposed to break into such a large friendship group? They don't need him, they have each other. So my son is effectively written off, just because we didn't live near enough to the catchment school for him to get in.

I can't let this situation continue for the next 5 years. My deadline is end of Jan, but my husband thinks this is too long.

Appeal forms arrived today.

D.

I feel for you so much. Can I tell you what has happened to me - it may make you think about leaving him in the school. My twins went to a school where they knew no one - they have been bullied relentlessly for 10 months. yesterday we received a phone call - they had just been surrounded by 20 girls with five of them screaming at them! my husband collected them and has taken them out of the school. our problem has been the complete lack of help from the school. see how your son's school deals with problem - if they are useless move him. my girls are now going to the school i should have put them in at the start of year 7 - where most of their friends from primary went. please pray things will improve for them. good luck with everything

DevilsAdvocate1

backtomum wrote: »

I feel for you so much. Can I tell you what has happened to me - it may make you think about leaving him in the school. My twins went to a school where they knew no one - they have been bullied relentlessly for 10 months. yesterday we received a phone call - they had just been surrounded by 20 girls with five of them screaming at them! my husband collected them and has taken them out of the school. our problem has been the complete lack of help from the school. see how your son's school deals with problem - if they are useless move him. my girls are now going to the school i should have put them in at the start of year 7 - where most of their friends from primary went. please pray things will improve for them. good luck with everything

How awful. I hope your twins settle in at their new school. This is exactly what I am worried about. The school say they don't tolerate bullying - but what can they do to stop it?

I've ordered some appeal books from Amazon and will start gathering information to appeal. Still want to give the school the opportunity to sort it out though.

I didn't realise how important friendships are at this age. Everyone says it doesn't matter, that they'll soon makes friends. Yet more and more people are telling me how it didn't work for them or their children.

I so wish I had appealed.

D.