I've made a huge mistake - son's school

Trix2

Hi Devil's Advocate.

Sorry to hear what your son is going through. This happened to me at school, and also to my son. It seems silly of the school to have such large school groups going through together as it is bound to cause problems.

In my childrens' cases they came from a very small school, and it just wasn't possible to put them all in a friend group. My daughter, despite lack of old friends, survived this well. My son had friends, but still didn't feel particularly settled.

I think it depends on the child too. And I wonder (as well as trying to get him moved) if he joined some other groups, football for instance, or an IT club, and found himself in a situation where he felt confident, this might help with the bullying problem. Unfortunately it does sound as if the school is not particularly helpful. But you should persist with the Year Head, and ask if there is counselling, or other help for pupils who are having problems. Seeking help within the school might give your son a feeling that he is not so alone. Loneliness is the unfortunate side-effect of bullying.

Don't let this go - work hard at finding him something he is good at and confident in - explore solutions within the school. At the same time if you feel the other school is much better, do your best to get him transferred. If not this year - next. Keep going.

You have my sympathies. It is devastating when one of your children is unhappy like this. But show him that you think there is a solution. Give him hope, even if at the moment you don't particularly feel it. Because there is. And you WILL find it. And he will be happy again.

Best wishes

Trix

Reggie_Rebel

That's not good for him.

As ever, don't rely on the 'phone, get yourself in the school and make yourself a pain in the !!!!. If the Form Tutor can't fix it, ask to see the Head of Year and so on until someone gets off their !!!! and sorts it.

Mojisola

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

These boys were okay at first. But then the name calling started. After a week of him coming out and then crying in the car on the way home, I contacted his class teacher. I explained that I didn't think he was being bullied, and didn't name names, but said that I thought he needed some help in fitting in. I also pointed out that its quite hard to break into a strong friendship group.

Anyway, teacher handled it really badly. She moved my son (but didn't tell the class). When my son when to sit at the new place he was told by the pupils that it wasn't his seat, so he had to go back to where he started. She took my son to one side, got him to name names and told one of them off. Now the boys won't have anything to do with him. They swear and tell him to F off, saying he's a tell tale. They now chant xxxxx is an idiot. He feels intimidated and embarrassed.

This was really poor management from the teacher. Get up to the school in person and sort it out. It may be very difficult to redeem the situation in this class now and a move to another form may be the best thing.

isitenough

Reggie_Rebel wrote: »

That's not good for him.

As ever, don't rely on the 'phone, get yourself in the school and make yourself a pain in the !!!!. If the Form Tutor can't fix it, ask to see the Head of Year and so on until someone gets off their !!!! and sorts it.

Just found this thread and after reading, this was first thought. The phone calls haven't worked so go and see them in person. Demand to see the head (master or year) and don't leave until you have. Doesn't have to include making a scene or being rude, just be firm and polite. Explain the problems (rough outline to the receptionist) and go from there. I appreciate they are busy with so many pupils but your son has the right to go to school and not feel threatened or belittled.

Kids these days need a clip round the ear sometimes for their behaviour - and I know that's probably not everyones cup of tea but didn't do my generation any harm (80's). We're too soft, specially at school.
Luckily my sons new school seem to have a handle on this sort of thing, shame it's not the same with all schools.
Best of luck and keep your sons spirits up as best you can.

JBD

I agree with Trix 2 about getting your son interested in hobbies. My oldest did Tang so doo and that was so beneficial not because it taught him self defence but because it gave him so much self confidence and inner strength. Apparently playing foot ball is very important to boys. A lot of boys pretend to like it in order to fit in.

annie12

I would speak to the head of year & ask for him to be moved forms.
I don't think moving seats in the same form will solve the situation.
The head of year should have a good idea which form would be better for him.
Good luck & let us know how you get on

emlou2009

the thing is, you cant force them to be friends, and moving them about within the same class isnt going to change that fact. the only thing that seems viable for him to make friends at this point is to go back to his old friends at the other schools. if he moves to another class its still going to be full of kids that have already bonded with each other and if the teacher splits the existing friends up its going to make him even more unpopular i'm afraid.

DevilsAdvocate1

Thanks everyone for replying.

The school have got back to us, setting a time for a meeting next week. Both my husband and I will be there. The meeting is with the head of year, a pastoral assistant and his form teacher. I'll stay quiet as best as I can as my husband always sounds so reasonable whereas I get emotional.

My son does play violin and the school have arranged for his lessons to continue. They started this week. There is also a strings group which he hopes to go to eventually.

The first choice school has an orchestra which the feeder children are invited to join. They have kindly let my son continue, I think this is really helpful to him. He did karate for a while, but didn't like it and doesn't want to continue. He's also really good at tennis, but its the wrong term for that. He doesn't like football and is rubbish at it anyway (sorry DA boy).

I'm going to try to work with the school, but give it a time limit, probably end of January. If nothing has worked I will appeal. I'm going to start gathering things together for a potential appeal. But, I'm not going to mention this to him.

I have 2 younger children, and will definitely appeal when its their turn. I don't want to put any of my other children through this.

Thanks again for all your replies as there are not many people I can talk about about this in real life.

D.

the_cat

Hi
Good luck at the meeting - it sounds as though you are doing all the right things

Just as an aside - you mentioned tennis. Private clubs offer lessons in groups all year round, sometimes after school and almost all offer Saturday morning sessions. The cost at my club is £4 a time.

I think it's really important for kids who are having a hard time at school to develop friendships away from the school environment. Might be worth a try

JBD

Devil's advocate, it is possible your son may be able to work his way through this, with your and the school's support. Sometimes children manage to settle differences between themselves and in fact this is the approach that some anti-bullying progammes actually take.