I've made a huge mistake - son's school

DevilsAdvocate1

JBD wrote: »

Devil's advocate, it is possible your son may be able to work his way through this, with your and the school's support. Sometimes children manage to settle differences between themselves and in fact this is the approach that some anti-bullying progammes actually take.

I hope this is the case. We do intend working with the school. But on the other hand, I can't let this be my sons life for the next 5 years.

D.

DevilsAdvocate1

the_cat wrote: »

Hi
Good luck at the meeting - it sounds as though you are doing all the right things

Just as an aside - you mentioned tennis. Private clubs offer lessons in groups all year round, sometimes after school and almost all offer Saturday morning sessions. The cost at my club is £4 a time.

I think it's really important for kids who are having a hard time at school to develop friendships away from the school environment. Might be worth a try

He does tennis every Saturday. Has done since he was a toddler. He's also learing to ski. Yet despite this he's not the most confident of people. He's a bit like his dad I think.

D.

Katie-Kat-Kins

try and get him into a scout group. This is an organisation that is not connected with the school and he will be put in with a mix of kids, from different ages and different schools.

This will mean he has friends even if he doesn't have friends at his own school. Hopefully he will make friends with at least one kid from his own school which will mean he can play with them at lunch and they can keep an eye out for him.

He will also learn good skills and values and keep his self esteem up.

Gavin83

neneromanova wrote: »

I wasn't joking at all in that reply. Well, ok, the last line was, but I was trying to lighten the mood. I was deadly serious about sugesting to the teacher that he moves the big group or keeps them in at lunch to teach them to be nice to others.

You can move the big group apart and punish them as much as you like, and while they may resolve the bullying to an extent, it won't really make her Son's life any easier. After all, you can't force them to be friends.

DevilsAdvocate1

Gavin83 wrote: »

You can move the big group apart and punish them as much as you like, and while they may resolve the bullying to an extent, it won't really make her Son's life any easier. After all, you can't force them to be friends.

Lots of people have said this to me and while I agree, I don't think my son can be written off and expected to be name called and sworn at for the next 5 years. I do think the school could have handled things much better by not keeping such large friendship groups together and not letting them choose where to sit from day 1.

How is any child supposed to break into such a large friendship group? They don't need him, they have each other. So my son is effectively written off, just because we didn't live near enough to the catchment school for him to get in.

I can't let this situation continue for the next 5 years. My deadline is end of Jan, but my husband thinks this is too long.

Appeal forms arrived today.

D.

isitenough

I feel for you and your son. Been keeping up-to-date with the thread and reading with intent. Our son went to a school outside the catchment area which resulted in most of his friends going to the 'catchment' school which isn't up to standard compared to the one he is actually going to (won appeal on it). Only a handful of people are known to him so he's having to start fresh as it were. Makes it more difficult I reckon to fit in.
He hasn't settled in as well as we'd hoped and got a text from him saying he wants to move to other school - no idea why though! So will have to find out later. He justs wants to work during lessons but the others are getting disruptive - which surprises me as the school has a no-tolerance approach to pretty much everything. He's probably just tired!
My problem is trivial compared to yours but still makes me feel guilty for winning the appeal! Hope your situation is revolved soon.

daska

I think it's important to contact your GP ASAP. Check the LA school admissions policy with regard to medical reasons for priority at named schools. Don't ignore the self-harming, once it starts it's more likely to recur. If this were my son I'd be keeping him out of school until the issue is resolved - and putting the reason in writing to the school.

starbump

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I'm surprised at the friendship groups being kept together too.

Sorry I can't advise on the OP's problem but I thought you might be interested to know they did this when I went to senior/secondary school a couple of decades ago. There were 4 "feeder" primary schools and all the kids were asked to name one or two friends they would like in their form class at the big secondary school. Some quite large groups ended up in the same classes. The only proviso was that both "friends" had to request each other - pity I didn't realise you could name friends from other schools.

isitenough

Yep, when my son was still going to the 'feeder' school they were also asked about friends and who they'd like to be with, as long as the friend said their name. So it still happens that way.

Katie-Kat-Kins

I'm very surprised that the school allow big groups to sit together and allow them to choose their seating. When I was at school we were assigned seating, in twos for most classes, and from friends who teach I understand that this is still very common. We were often seated alphabetically or boy/girl alternate as they didn't want too much gossiping!

It would be worth suggesting that the school adopt some policies like this to try and ease things now, if it isn't big groups then it will be easier for your son to break in. I'd also suggest that he tries to "target" some kids in his class that aren't part of the main big group to try to be friends with. There are bound to be some that are in a similar boat, also see whether they can make an effort to put any late starters to the school in his class and ask him to "buddy" them. He could end up making some good new friends that way and being much happier.

I'd definitely suggest that he tries scouts too as a good way to make friends with a mixed bunch away from school and also to have some fun and improve his confidence in a less structured environment than music/sport lessons.