I've made a huge mistake - son's school

DevilsAdvocate1

My son has just started at secondary school in year 7. He was not offered his first choice of school. Only 4 children in his year did not get offered the "feeder" school and my son is the only one from his school to go to the school he has started at.

I don't think his new school has been particularly helpful. They have kept large friendship groups from primary together. So in his class of 22 there are 9 boys, 5 of which were 1 friendship group at primary. As the tables seat 6 children, my son was put with them to make up a group of 6.

These boys were okay at first. But then the name calling started. After a week of him coming out and then crying in the car on the way home, I contacted his class teacher. I explained that I didn't think he was being bullied, and didn't name names, but said that I thought he needed some help in fitting in. I also pointed out that its quite hard to break into a strong friendship group.

Anyway, teacher handled it really badly. She moved my son (but didn't tell the class). When my son when to sit at the new place he was told by the pupils that it wasn't his seat, so he had to go back to where he started. She took my son to one side, got him to name names and told one of them off. Now the boys won't have anything to do with him. They swear and tell him to F off, saying he's a tell tale. They now chant xxxxx is an idiot. He feels intimidated and embarrassed.

It is heartbreaking. When he started there he was a happy go lucky boy. Last night I caught him with a knife trying to self harm.

We've contacted the school again and have been told that the head of year will get in touch to arrange a meeting. This was yesterday, but no one has got back yet. We'll give it to tomorrow.

I've just contacted the LEA and had his name put down on the waiting list for the school his friends go to. There are 2 ahead of him on the list, so I don't hold out much hope. She is also going to put an appeal form in the post. However, I think we should work with the current school first.

I so regret not appealing. I thought he would settle in at a new school. Everyone says that they do at that age. I'm surprised at the friendship groups being kept together too.

Any advice would be appreciated.

D.

KarrieBee

Firstly, I'm relly sorry your son is going through this.

Is it posible for him to move to another form? That way he won't have the upheaval of changing schools.
It is very difficult at first for some children to make the transition to high school, not everyone settles straight away. I was very lucky in that i went (many years ago!)to an enormous primary so knew lots of people when i got to 'big' school.
I'm also suprised that friendship groups are being kept together, it doesn't seem to make for a very cohesive atmosphere.
Hopefully you will get some joy from the head of year.

Kimie

I would call the school again today... don't wait until tomorrow. Make it clear how affected your son is by this, no 11/12 year old should be made to feel that bad they try to self harm.

In the meeting I would really stress that you believe the teacher handled it badly and has added to the situation. The school should have a bullying policy - have you seen this? I would go through it and see if the teacher has followed the bullying policy... if she has it needs to be changed possibly and if she didn't then she needs to be made aware of this

neneromanova

Why don't you get the teacher of the class to move each of the boys on to different tables? Or get them to stand up in front of the class and make an example of them? Keep them in from break or lunch or something to write lines. If they keep doing it, keep writing lines. They'll soon realise.

Failing that, get the teacher a squirt gun and everytime they're bad tell him/her to squirt the kids like a bad puppy

Lord_Blue

Why don't you ask the current school to help you get your son moved to the preferred school. If they realise the issue they may become a useful advocate for you.

JBD

Devil's advocate, so sorry to hear what your son is going through. My oldest son was bullied in year 5 and 6 and it was absolutely heart breaking to have to send him out to school every day.
I think you are doing the right thing by putting his name down for the other school, keep on at them. Do they know about the self harming incident? To me this is potentially dangerous.
Does the present school have an anti bullying policy? If so are they putting it into practice. Yes it is a good idea to work with the school, it will also help your son to know that you are supporting him and taking his situation seriously.
Have you talked with your son about strategies to deal with the bullies? I believe Kidscape can be helpful here [sorry, can't do links]
I would also advise your son to stay in touch with his freinds from old school if possible, this will help his self confidence.
My younger son now in year 8 was bullied a little in year 7 , it seemed to be name calling more than physical . I found the most important thing was to keep his self confidence up as bullies pick on easily upset and vulnerable people, also never to react to name calling or taunting , things do seem to have improved for him.Unfortunately there does seem to be a culture of nastiness about at the moment. Lastly I have told my son that if things get really bad at school I will pull him out and homeschool him. That is a last resort and he himself has decided to tough it out. Why sho
uld the bullies affect his education?
Sorry I can't be more helpful . Will be thinking of you and your boy.

Caroline73_2

Also speak to the school nurse about the situation, she should be abetohelp.

tsstss7

DA I would think if your son is third on the list you do have a very real possiblity of getting your son into the other school. In my sons primary school there were at least two children leaving every year through parents moving them to other schools in the area or leaving the area altogether and I would think thats a fairly typical "churn" rate really. That was out of 30 /31 children so I imagine that in a reasonably large high school you would get at least 3 children leaving in a year just through relocations alone. (just my opinion though - I imagine it depends on the area).

tsstss7

neneromanova wrote: »

Why don't you get the teacher of the class to move each of the boys on to different tables? Or get them to stand up in front of the class and make an example of them? Keep them in from break or lunch or something to write lines. If they keep doing it, keep writing lines. They'll soon realise.

Failing that, get the teacher a squirt gun and everytime they're bad tell him/her to squirt the kids like a bad puppy

:rotfl::rotfl:

JBD

This really isn't a joke!

neneromanova

JBD wrote: »

This really isn't a joke!

I wasn't joking at all in that reply. Well, ok, the last line was, but I was trying to lighten the mood. I was deadly serious about sugesting to the teacher that he moves the big group or keeps them in at lunch to teach them to be nice to others.