Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??

SugarSpun

sunshinejoclaire wrote: »

I have had this happen to me and it soured my friendship. The girl getting married was a good friend at the time, though a bit spoilt. I was only working a few hours a week and so could not afford to go to Asia where the weding was held.

She sulked and coerced so much [as she wanted me to be a bridesmaid] I ended up giving in and paying the 1.5k to go, and took 2 years to clear the debt on my credit card. Her marriage only lasted 1.5..

That's shocking. My cousin got married on a beach somewhere recently, and made her brother go with her to the wedding. He had to sell his car to get the money together, and he's married himself with two small kids.

My Most Beloved and I are from two different countries. I work in a third, although I spend a lot of time bouncing back and forward between our home and my home. If we finally make it official, we'll necessarily marry somewhere where at least one of our families doesn't live because they don't live in the same place! The idea for us is to pay for at least immediate family (7 people plus us, and if I have a bridesmaid then her too) to attend. Others will be welcome, but we might end up throwing a party in the other place for those who can't make it.

sunshinejoclaire

well thats exactly my view. My SIL nearly died when I told her she could keep her bridesmaids dress after we get married lol

sallycinnamon99

I am in a dilemma as my H2b wants to put something in our invites to ask for money or ikea vouchers. I would like to receive money but am not sure I feel 100% comfortable with asking for it in the invites.

I have read the comments above and ask that, rather than tell me it is rude or selfish, does anyone know of a nice way (but not in a poem) that we can ask people but maybe letting them know we don't 'expect' them to give us a gift? I don't want to offend and feel like weddings are a minefield for this already! You can nerver ever keep everyone happy and it is exhausting to try to.
Any helpful suggestions would be much appreciated.

paddingtondoo

sallycinnamon99 wrote: »

I am in a dilemma as my H2b wants to put something in our invites to ask for money or ikea vouchers. I would like to receive money but am not sure I feel 100% comfortable with asking for it in the invites.

I have read the comments above and ask that, rather than tell me it is rude or selfish, does anyone know of a nice way (but not in a poem) that we can ask people but maybe letting them know we don't 'expect' them to give us a gift? I don't want to offend and feel like weddings are a minefield for this already! You can nerver ever keep everyone happy and it is exhausting to try to.
Any helpful suggestions would be much appreciated.

I didn't feel comfortable asking so made no mention in invites. Guests have been contacting either me, MIL or my mother to ask. I've found that much less embarrassing to deal with.

SugarSpun

sallycinnamon99 wrote: »

I am in a dilemma as my H2b wants to put something in our invites to ask for money or ikea vouchers. I would like to receive money but am not sure I feel 100% comfortable with asking for it in the invites.

I have read the comments above and ask that, rather than tell me it is rude or selfish, does anyone know of a nice way (but not in a poem) that we can ask people but maybe letting them know we don't 'expect' them to give us a gift? I don't want to offend and feel like weddings are a minefield for this already! You can nerver ever keep everyone happy and it is exhausting to try to.
Any helpful suggestions would be much appreciated.

In the past it was generally expected that the maid of honour or the bride's mother, or the best man/groom's mother would be informed about a wedding list. People contacted the one they knew best for information. I'm sure they still would, although the absence of a wedding list's a bit of a hint in itself, I think.

Luvly.cuppa.T

Another dilema.... does a bridesmaid still have to give a pressie??

I reckon I will, as it's my best mate who is getting married. I also know that they are losing money fast on their wedding, as they are too generous and trying to make sure families are housed well.... so cash will help.

It's also been the tradition for many people I know with Irish backgrounds to give money, and this is used to offset the amount the venue and meal has cost. (these are usually with over 150 people and in nice places- big families you see). Although they don't actually ask for cash, it seems to be a given.

The other idea is to club together with others and buy things off the wedding list. Therefore it's not such a burden to put a lot in and the married couple can receive something a bit more expensive off the list. Win win situ.

When I give money (in the card) I always put a little note in somewhere (on the card) to say how much is enclosed. ( I do this for birthday parties too that the kids go to).
I started this, as one year a mother said " Oh thanks for the card, that was nice of you to come etc etc" There was no mention of the £5 I had given, so I have always made sure since that they know it was given!!

lizzieH2008

We had lived together for a few years so decided to ask if our friends and family wanted to contribute to our honeymoon. It worked really well, as everyone contributed what they could afford (my niece gave 50p - sweet!)

We found it easier to use a professional set up and went for www.senduspacking.com who were really helpful as well. Our guests were more than happy to contribute money because it was going to something specific, rather than just into a general pot. We even had the option for people to buy specific things, such as a bottle of champagene or dinner for two (a bit like the charity idea!) and this was brilliant as we thought of the people who'd bought it for us.

Lizzie

Sammy85_2

We too have been living together for a while now, and to be honest, have no idea what we would put on a traditional wedding list if we had one.

We are going to be asking for money towards our honeymoon as we are off backpacking for 6 months. We will however be setting it up as a gift list, on whattogive.com. People will be able to pay for a meal in some place, or a train fare or day trip etc. The cheapest "gift" will be £5 and gifts larger than £40 have been split so that people can contribute part towards it, so if they decide they really want to pay for such-and-such trip then they dont feel that they have to pay for it all.

It also means that we will know exactly what people have contributed towards and be able to report back to each person about how much fun we had thanks to them.

We may not have fancy cut glass bowls or lead crystal glasses to show off for years to come, but we'll have had an amazing experience and have memories to treasure for the rest of our lives, long after the non-stick has worn off the pots and pans.

To those who say that they dont agree with paying for someones honeymoon or "for someone to go on holiday", i consider a honeymoon to be a once in a lifetime event, you will never again get to go on a honeymoon (hopefully) and it should be something that is special to you both, whether that be a short break to the lakes, or an exotic trip to the other side of the world.


The last 4 weddings i have been to the couples have all requested money, one specifically to do their little boys bedroom. I was more than happy to give them cash which they would be able to use for exactly what they wanted. If receiving money rather than a gift makes them happy then im happy to give them what they have asked for.

**dancingbutterfly**

im really struggling with the whole money thing,

me and fiance have been living together for nearly 7 years now and have everything we need really, the only things we'd really like would be a new sofa and a new dining table.

we've never had a holiday together just us two, i got pregnant 12 weeks into going out together (Do'h!! totally unplanned at 18 yo but wouldnt have it any other way now!) so we'd really, really like to go away for 3/4 days abroad for a mini honeymoon without spud. It would be a whole new thing just us 2 and i think we'd really enjoy it! we couldnt go for longer than 4 days we'd miss spud too much! (he'll be six by the wedding)

so ideally we'd have on the invites, we just want you to share our day but if you would like to give something then a cash gift would be extremely appreciated etc etc so we can do our mini honeymoon!

its so hard knowing what to do without offending anyone

missknixon

We will have been together almost 7 years by the time we get married! My nana has just given us a cheque - she knows it is early (9 weeks yesterday!!!!) but would rather give us some money now so we can have the wedding we want! I thought that was lovely - we not struggling for money for the wedding but she did the same for my cousin even though hers was paid for by her mum and step dad and her hubby's mum.

I have said I would just prefer that people came when they have asked - we don't need anything but we have gone without certain things for so long if people bought them - a nice set of glasses, cutlery etc - I would be just as chuffed!