Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??

nadnad

when i got married 3 years ago i had been living with my man for 5 years, we had basically everything we needed house wise and so i thought about doing a wedding list for those who wished to buy presents but i seriously couldn't think of anything to put on it so i didn't bother. at the time i was hoping that anyone going to buy a present would just give us money or vouchers instead to put towards something bigger (like the bathroom we were getting), but i didnt ask anyone for that because I felt it would be rude. However if someone did ask for money outright instead of a present then i would happily give that - i would just give what i would have spent on the present because i don't see the point in giving people something they don't want - you may as well flush your money down the toilet.

I also have to say that if people didn't give a present (although i'm sure this is highly unusual) then I would understand because i myself have complained about the cost of attending weddings as a guest - new outfit, usually accomodation, etc etc its a costly business alround and at the end of the day you don't get married to get presents you get married because thats what you want to do and you invite people you love and people you want to share your day with and you shouldn't expect them to "pay" you for the privilege.

SugarSpun

featherbum wrote: »

ARE YOU PEOPLE FOR REAL?? if someone is inviting you to their wedding its UNBEALIVABLY rude to turn up empty handed. Therefore you MUST give a gift.

A gift is precisely what it says: a gift. It isn't an entry ticket or an obligation.

It's not rude not to give gifts, it simply isn't customary. There could be a good reason why people don't give gifts. They could be very broke at that moment, and simply not be able to afford a gift. Should they then miss the wedding because their payday's too far away or because they're too unemployed?

Friends of mine got married last year in Kenya, and 20+ people went out and joined them. They told everyone not to give them gifts, because people were already spending so much on getting there and sharing the day that it would have been embarrassing for them. Since it's fairly likely that my beloved and I will go somewhere we don't live to get married, we'll probably say the same thing. I love my family and friends, and I don't want them to be out of pocket because they love me enough to want to share the day with me.

I think it's ruder to expect a gift than not to give one.

[Deleted User]

I think it's more rude to force family & friends to shell out hundreds (and possibly thousands) on travel to your wedding, just because you want to get married somewhere exotic (and also, keep your total costs down)

SugarSpun

If that was aimed at me, then the couple who got married in Kenya did no forcing, and nor will we.

It's slightly different for us, since we're from two different countries and I work in a third. Whatever way we do it, some people are going to do some travelling. What we're vaguely planning is that we'll pay for both sets of immediate family to attend wherever we decide to go, making 7 family and us, and if anyone else we know wishes to come they'll be very welcome. They don't have to, of course, and whether or not they come they're not obliged to give us gifts.

I like giving and receiving gifts, but it's not an essential part of the wedding for me. So long as everyone who's supposed to get married gets married to the right people, then it's a successful wedding. We're lucky in that we have just about everything we need, including a close circle of lovely people.

featherbum

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

If you want wonderful meories of a special honeymoon with your husband then why not save money to pay for it instead of expecting people to turn up at your wedding and pay for it?

I am not adverse to giving people cash for their wedding, and I would like it myself, or vouchers, but there is no way I am going to ask for it in the invitations, I want people to be there because they want to celebrate what I hope will be the best day of my life, not because I have overspent on a honeymoon and need someone else to pay for it for me.

I love how you have put MUST in capital letters re bringing a gift, I bet you are one of these types who have invited your cousins 5th time removed because you hope they bring a present along and not because you want them there.

Taking presents isn't a MUST and I know I won't be actively encouraging people to do so, no gift lists from me....

As for presents coming from the heart, surely a nice thought out gift would satisfy that than taking £50 from the ATM with no thought whatsoever.

Maybe you shouldn't have bothered registering if thats all you have to say, waste of bandwith.

how dare you to say 'i bet you are the type who invited blah blah blaaaah yawn'- you dont know me from nothing, and i can guarantee you i havent done that, not that i have to explain myself to you.

Taking a present, even if its a card with your best wishes IS a must, other wise its plain rude. I have been educated to behave politely in all situations, and turning up empty handed IS plain rude. I am not expecting people to spend huge amounts on us, or to not turn up if they cant afford to buy us some worderful present.

I am just utterly disgusted by some of the suggestions on this thread. Like someone said ' i want to know where my money is going'. If you gave your money to someone as a gift, its not your money anymore, its theirs to enjoy as they please.
If the money i gave to my friend for her wedding present is spent, in, for arguments sake, in Next to buy herslef a new outfit, and that makes her happy, then my job is done, as my present is there to make her happy. Not to make myself feel good for giving it to her.


And by the way, i dont need ANYONE to pay for our honeymoon, we work hard and we have paid for it out of our own cash, and i am just lucky our friends are not miserable judgmental people like you, but people who actually want to contribute to make it extra special.

featherbum

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I think it's more rude to force family & friends to shell out hundreds (and possibly thousands) on travel to your wedding, just because you want to get married somewhere exotic (and also, keep your total costs down)

how are they actually forcing them? they either come cause they want to, or they dont, simple.
Plus it sounds like some of you people are the ones trying to keep YOUR own costs down, wanting to turn up to weddings empty handed or with unwanted gifts out of 'stubornnes'.

[Deleted User]

When the majority of your guests (and yourself) live in X and you have it in Y, you are emotionally forcing the friends and family who would travel for you, to do so.

I think it's vulgar to turn up with the present on the day - people have gift lists so you don't have to do so. We typically give a £100 cheque.

Ironically, my wife was upset by her friend giving us too much money

SugarSpun

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I think it's vulgar to turn up with the present on the day - people have gift lists so you don't have to do so. We typically give a £100 cheque.

Ironically, my wife was upset by her friend giving us too much money

I agree - gifts should be sent ahead of time. We normally get something from the gift list and have it delivered, and if there's no gift list then €100. (We're not spending euros because it looks like more money - it's our currency).

Timmne

I agree (in a way) with featherbum, but only on the manners side of things.

Asking for money is considered rude by the oldies but times have changed - people have stuff already and don't need any more. This is why people ask for money - in my case, we're asking for money because we simply don't have room to store all these miscellanous photo frames etc. I think the important thing is to make sure your guests realise giving a present is not a requirement of being a guest though.

My personal view is that it's bad manners to turn up to any party/celebration without a gift. If someone's invited me and asked for cash then why should I care? I'm going to spend the money on something anyway so why not just give them what I'd have spent?

ccastley

My husband is half turkish cypriot, and we had the pinning on of money at the wedding...it wasn't a must, I told people we didn't necessarily want a gift but that we would be doing this in honour of his heritage. I was very nervous this was going to be vulgar, but wanted to honour this side of the family's traditions. It was actually great fun, everyone got into the spirit of it even if I did look a little shamefaced in the photos (coat of cash on the Friday Night Project anyone?). The only problem I had was of course thank you cards. The money was intended for the renovation of 2 rooms in the house and a mini break for our honeymoon but actually ended up paying the mortgage for a couple of months as my husband losts his job the month after the wedding...

I don't have a problem with giving money, though asking for it was very uncomfortable. My sister was married in January and facing a similar problem and decided to ask for B and Q and Ikea vouchers. People could always give cash if they weren't bothered!