Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??

daminescu

amandada wrote: »

I was at a family wedding recently where the couple (who are both in very well paid jobs) asked for cash towards their exotic honeymoon.
I objected on the grounds that I've been married 10 years and not had a honeymoon, so I'm not funding someone else's!

That and the fact I already had something earmarked in the pressie cupboard!

I'm sorry, but you are all missing the point: since when is the gift and a wedding what the guest, and not about the bride and groom?! Shouldn't a guest be concerned with what the couple wants rather than what they want to give? I think it's very selfish. If you dont feel comfortable to give cash to a reception to which there is a hint that cash is the most appreciated gif, then don't go! And the mounts you are all talking about are ridiculously low, at least by NY standards. I dont know how it is in the UK, but I am just organizing a wedding at it comes out to $460/person, after we are doing flowers ourselves, no wedding planneer, arranging tables ourselves, and doing the ceremony outside to save on fees. So thinking about paying $50 (25 pounds) is ridiculous. Sure, I invited you because I'd like you there, but if you pretend to care enough about me to bring me a gift then show that you care about me, not about yourself. Otherwise, dont come.

daminescu

NKS wrote: »

Friends of mine turned the 'ask for cash but send a note saying what it was spent on' idea around. They were planning on going travelling, so priced up different elements of the trip and asked for anything from 'the bus fare from Delhi airport' to 'a night in XYZ fancy hotel' to 'an elephant ride for two'. They've been married some time, the trip hasn't yet happened, but the funds are still allocated and when they do set off they'll be able to think of me as they sit on that bus....

I'm sure thats exactly what they'll think of. This blueberry of the muffin was paid for by this guest, now the fried egg must have been paid by Aunt Julia" - Are you kidding me?!

djdeckstar

when i got married 2 years ago i put a message saying that as i already have every thing can you please if you wish to give us something can you please put a donation into the charity envelopes on the tables and in brackets i put this is optional as we are just happy you can share our day with us we raised 250.00 for charity and sent every body that came a copy of the charity cert along with a thank you note

purplevamp

When we got married last May we asked for money because we'd been living together for 6 years and had everything we needed. We actually wanted new sofas and told people this. We also had a small list and still got things not on the list, which we'll never use. Peoples tastes are so different. We did say that they didn't have to get us anything as we just wanted them there. A couple of people didn't get us anything, including hubby brother, who was the best man!!!

If you want to make the B&G happy give them money. Or risk buying them something they'll hate and stick in the attic .

shelovestobuystuff

Last wedding(vowel renewal for a 40th anniversary)I went to the couple asked for cash toward a charitable trip to Burma and in the wedding invite they included details(photocopied sheets from the internet)of the orphange for street boys they were going to visit.
The orphanage would have got more money if they didnt have to pay their travel and accomodation for the month off the gift money too.
I didnt like being asked for cash as we couldnt afford much and were intending on giving a combined gift with another couple in the same position.In the end we checked what a few others were giving them and parted with £100 so that they didnt think we were skinflints.

venna

It's been interesting reading this thread and seeing other points of view.

I've always felt fine about wedding lists ... as a guest - made it simple to get something they really wanted.

However I felt really awkward about it when organising my own wedding this year as I wanted to treat people, not ask for things ... that was until family and friends pointed out that they wanted to treat us to something we wanted too.

We've been together 10+yrs, live in a tiny house and didn't want to have to get waste gifts we couldn't use (my sister's OH went down to OXFAM after their wedding - UGHH). So we set up a site suggesting guests treat themselves to a new outfit or if they really wanted to give us a gift directing them to a site requesting contributions to our new bathroom e.g. from single tiles up to a bath.

Some guests clubbed together and gave us enough for a bath, others didn't give us a gift. All fine ... well to be honest one person bought gifts which duplicated what we already had so we had to pass them on which I regretted ... and lots of cards with wonderful personal messages. Plus everyone is invited for a bathroom warming party once its done ... ooh err :dance:

fawd1

daminescu wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you are all missing the point: since when is the gift and a wedding what the guest, and not about the bride and groom?! Shouldn't a guest be concerned with what the couple wants rather than what they want to give? I think it's very selfish. If you dont feel comfortable to give cash to a reception to which there is a hint that cash is the most appreciated gif, then don't go! And the mounts you are all talking about are ridiculously low, at least by NY standards. I dont know how it is in the UK, but I am just organizing a wedding at it comes out to $460/person, after we are doing flowers ourselves, no wedding planneer, arranging tables ourselves, and doing the ceremony outside to save on fees. So thinking about paying $50 (25 pounds) is ridiculous. Sure, I invited you because I'd like you there, but if you pretend to care enough about me to bring me a gift then show that you care about me, not about yourself. Otherwise, dont come.

I think you're completely missing the point. As someone having been asked to give money as a gift, and someone arranging my own wedding, I still think that asking people for money is awful. It's embarrasing for the guests as you'll know exactly what they donated, and it feels like you're sticking out a begging bowl, or at least equvalent to charging them an entry fee. I have NEVER given money as a wedding gift, and wouldn't ask people to give money to me. If I really want the money that badly, I'll just go and exchange the gifts.:rotfl:

Woodgnome_2

We had a wedding list but also added that cash would be greatly appreciated as we could put it towards a honeymoon.

Some people gave gifts and some people gave money. It turned out great.

PEPPAPIG79

A Bit Cheeky To Ask Work Friends For Money, Giving Cash To Family Members Thats Different .or Buy Them Some Picture Frames We All Need Them After Wedding

miss_kat

I'm getting married next year and have been reading this thread with interest. Although some of the posts have made me feel a little uncomfortable. I never realised that people would be so offended by the suggestion of a gift.

I don't expect gifts from guests, but have said that if people would like to give us a gift, we would appreciate money towards our honeymoon (we haven't put this in our invitations though). Not because we can't afford it, but because we thought it would be nice for people to be able to contribute towards something we really wanted. However, I would be equally as grateful if a guest bought us a gift, gave a voucher, made us a gift or even just gave us a card, and will be making a point of saying so. To me it is much more important that everyone has a memorable day and enjoys themselves, than how much £ we get back as gifts. Especially as actually attending a wedding can sometimes turn out to be quite expensive for the guest.

I know it will make it a lot easier for my friends as they won't have to think about what to buy, but I would hate to think that I was offending anyone by making the suggestion.