little rant about flatmates...

WolfSong2000

okay...I've come up with a little written explanation for my flatmates...would appreciate any feedback before I give it to them and potentially start WW3. lol.

Quick note…

(am just doing this because I can’t be arsed to seek you out and speak to you individually)…

1)[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]Washing Up
I realise it’s become very popular to blame Vicky for always not doing the washing up, and I will be the first to hold my hand up and say I am remiss in this area, but so are the rest of you to one extent or another. The difference between us is that I just get on with it and do everyone’s regardless (see tonight 07/10/09 – 50% of that wasn’t mine). I don’t just leave it and complain. If it’s bugging you that much JUST DO IT. God knows I’ve cleaned up after you guys enough times (but that’s conveniently forgotten). If I’m repeatedly leaving dishes and you’ve already washed some of mine, then fine, approach me. Just remember none of you guys are perfect and quite often your own crap is mixed in with mine. “Let him who is without sin…” and all that.

2)[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]Bills
I’m getting fed up of chasing you guys up every month repeatedly about bills. I expect to have to ask once – that’s fine, but I shouldn’t have to be continually chasing you guys up about it (MJ this doesn’t apply to you yet).

3)[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]Gratitude
I know I’m messy and disorganised. I accept that. I am getting fed up of being taken for granted, though…I’ve repeatedly asked that laptray’s be cleaned after use if they get messy, and this has been ignored. I was never thanked for bringing in the internet, TV, DVD player, etc…you guys just take it for granted that I’ll be the one to sort everything out, chase everyone up (6 weeks with O2, 3 stores to find a DVD cable, etc). I also have a bad habit of letting things slide when I really shouldn’t (hence why I don’t !!!!! to you guys half as much as some of you do to me – believe me, it’s not because you’re perfect).

4)[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]My Memory
I’m the first to admit my memory is !!!! (one of the other reasons I’m writing this down instead of speaking to you guys directly). I know it may seem trivial to you guys and I try to make light of it, but it is in reality a serious matter. Kate, I know you’ve already said you’re fed up of having to remind me of things, but imagine what it’s like having to live with this…to forget entire conversations (and I mean absolutely no recollection), walk into a room and not only forget what you went in for, but how you got there in the first place (essentially mental blackouts); forget things really easily; get confused; etc. I know this can make me a pain to live with, but when I forget things (such as dishes) it’s not a deliberate ploy on my part to annoy you guys. I am going to see a neurologist about it, but until it gets sorted I’m going to need a little understanding from you guys if I forget things. Yeah, you may have to chase me up more than once, but again it’s not me deliberately trying to fob you off – I genuinely cannot remember half the time, and my memory is getting worse.

Anyhow, this is not just me “having a go”. It’s me trying to explain a few things in the only way I currently can (coherently anyway). I hate being confrontational with you guys, and I’m not trying to say I’m perfect (because God knows we all know that aint true!) but I need some respect from you guys for my input.

p.s. if anyone !!!!!es to me over the next few days about dishes, I am likely to get !!!!ed off, considering I just did everyone’s tonight (not just my own, you’ll notice).

bylromarha

Student houses are give and take.

Depends how much you let that be your giving and your taking.

I used to keep things I didn't want to share in my room-including cutlery and crockery. Petty, but I hated having to wash my plate that I'd already washed before use. It saved me stress. yes, it was selfish, but i didn't like having to turn into Houzilla continually asking people to leave my stuff clean if they found it clean.

I realised I was a nightmare at times too, so tried to temper that back as well (and try not to pick holes in how much of the shared washing up liquid a friend used per bowl) My biggest bug bear was heating. I had no heating at home, so got cross with housemates sticking the heating on and just wearing T shirts round the house, when it was my money they were wasting.

Housemates are all part of the uni experience. They are annoying, but if they're friends, surely it's worth putting up with the annoyances for another year for the fun you'll have together? If you minimise the things causing you stress, then you'll enjoy it all the more. All the best.

PS Just read your post above. NOOOOOOOOOO. Don't write a letter. It will be the butt of jokes for the rest of the year, all at your expense.

Alias_Omega

How about shifting the bills to one of the younger ones, after all you could be moving on in less than 10months.

With cleaning up, its just one of them things that no one will do until they really really have too. Everyone is busy doing something, but usually nothing. Maybe get one of them to introduce a saturday morning 10am hour cleaning session, which involves cleaning all communal areas & emptying bins.

Oh, with dishes. I throw them into the bin if they were left dirty on the side of ages, obviously they belonged to no-one, thats why they were left behind..

Alias

daska

You don't have to put the TV in your room, just take away the remote control, the plug and the scart cable

I'm guessing you could lock down the internet access by changing the password as well.

And buy some paper plates - then if they accuse you of not washing up you can be sure you are totally innocent - regardless of how bad your memory is.

daska

Bin the letter!!!!

wendym

Grit your teeth for a bit longer. I can remember pretty well word for word the phone call from my daughter when she got her first job 'don't tell me I'm being ridiculous - I have just signed the lease on a tiny flat so I can live on my own and never again think about anyone else's washing up, or use a loo that doesn't stay clean'.

And bin the letter.

Emmzi

bin the letter. how passive aggressive is that?? no, no, no. bad idea. I cannpt stress enough ITS A VERY BAD IDEA!

If you have something to say, say it calmly. With 'I' phrases. "When yu do this, I feel that.. it may not be how you mean it but it is how I feel." (not how you MAKE me feel, just how I feel.)

And then say what YOU are going to do differently. Asnd leave theor actions up to them. eg When you do not pay the internet bill on time feel frustrated. If it happens again I am going to reconsider having the service in my name."


live with it, or stop doing stuff. if you are the only one paying for internet, change the router password so only you can use it. end of. (but dont tell them you plan to, or someone may beat you to it!)

p.s.paying for the tv doesnt mean you are then allowed to monopolise it, if its in a communal living area!

MrsTinks

If the internet is wireless then it's very simple to sort out getting them to pay you their share of ANY bill You make it MAC access only - so in order for anyone to access the router to get internet their MAC address has to be registered on the router beforehand - being as you "own" the line you have every right to do that If anyone "forgets" to pay you for something you simply remove their MAC code from the allowed list... bet it'll be 10 minutes before they are knocking on your door - then simply say "Oh yes I can fix that... btw before I go out of my way - you still owe me £xxx for such and such bill - let me know when you have it and I'll sort your internet for you..."

And delete the letter...

Also remove the scart lead, the DVD player and the remotes - unless you got rid of another communal TV that everyone had access to in order to fit it in? If you did then it might be a little tricker... But nothing stopping you selling the TV if it's technically yours and then buying a nice smaller TV for your own room

stationaryace

going against the tide here but how about keeping the letter- instead of sending it to your flatmates you could arrange a flat meeting and read it out then. that way you get your point across and won't forget an important part, although it will need some tweaking if it is being read out

ALR

I'd agree about the letter. I don't think it'll do any good. If they're not listening to you when you actually do voice your opinions... they're going to listen even less to a letter that can just be thrown in the bin. Sad fact but unfortunately true.

I've had problems with previous housemates and now again with a current housemate of them not washing up, and then when asked/challenged about it, saying that it's not theirs...
With previous housemates (out of 6 of us, 2 weren't pulling their weight) we all cleaned our own stuff (and each others out of the 4 of us who did wash up) so all that was left was what the other two ever used. But we would make a point of doing it whilst they were there, so they knew that each of us at some point was washing.

Eventually it got to the point that there were piles of washing up, all of stuff that had only been used and left unwashed by these 2. They got the idea as they could honestly say that they knew that the other 4 of us had been washing up.

Obviously I know it's very hard to do this as you are the only one who appears to be having a problem, but perhaps you could just wash your own stuff up... make a point of one of your other housemates seeing that you are doing it, so that they cannot say that you have not been doing it and if they ask why you didn't do it all... give them their own 'rule' back to them.... "Well none of it is mine!!"

With the TV and internet thing, I would definately change the password to it, so that no1 else can use it. Ask for couple of months at a time perhaps and don't give the password to anyone who does not pay.
The TV is a hard one. I would agree about taking the remote and cables away... You are probably quite within your rights to take it into your room though I think this could end up completely alienating you from the rest of the house... as its taking away a social activity that could keep you in 'the loop' a bit more with them.
Maybe take the DVD player out at least??

You seem to call some of these girls your 'friends' at times in your messages (Unless I am misreading what you mean in those sentances...) but from the sounds of it they are giving you no reason to see them as a friend. They don't sound like very good friends at all.... no friend would treat you how they are evidently treating you.

Just be strong, you have just as much right to be in the house as them..... if not more in fact seeing as you are the only one who is keeping things running there... (I don't know which bills you are responsible for... but if you do control the gas, electric, water etc... remind them of the fact that you are keeping their basic needs catered for, as well as keeping them entertained)
I hope things get better for you.
Hope it helps a little, and I really do know what you are going through so give me a shout if you would like any other info or advice.
x