little rant about flatmates...

Oldernotwiser

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

One of my flatmates in particular treats me as if I am a child...as I mentioned in initial post she can be very condescending, which p*sses me off no end...wouldn't mind except I consistently get higher grades than she does (I don't gloat about this by the way), and I'm always the one she comes to crying (usually at 3am) because "things are all just too much".
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They're not treating you like a child, they're treating you like a skivvy. They're then able to condescend to you because you've behaved like a servant and an idiot.

You may be female, but my advice would be to grow some!

valos_mummy

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

Wow, thanks guys...
came with a disk, but one flatmate confiscated it, claiming I couldn't be trusted to look after it. Confused me no end as I'd had it for a while, lent it to a flatmate and never got it back. I think flatmate who took it is also the only one with a copy of the password...(she's also the one who treats me like a kid - see the pattern?).

!!!!!!? The Internet comes out of YOUR account, how very dare she "confiscate" the disk and is the only one with the password!

Get onto O2, cancel the internet if you can, stop the direct debit at your bank, go back to said flatmate and tell her if she wants the internet back, she can order it and it can come out of HER account! Then you can let her chase everyone up for payments for a change!! She may be a madam and then say you can't go on it, but there's always the uni computers and you won't have to pay any towards the internet each month...very MSE :money:

Take the tv back into your room, it doesn't matter if you can fit it in to watch it, put it under the bed and lock the door. They need to learn. It's very nice and good of you to not be a scrooge with your stuff, but if others are taking the pee then you have to stop and just think of No.1. Which means start taking your trays/plates etc up to your room. The only reason they think it's fine to walk over you regarding your things is because they have unlimited access to them. Stop the access = Stop the behaviour.

I assume it's all girls in there because blokes would all just a) muck in and not care whose it is or b) let it turn into the set of the Young Ones. So when you restrict the access be prepared for !!!!!iness then grand sulking. But after the sulking they might just come around.

I hated house sharing in uni; my third year was a silent war with three of them and one of me. They had their clique, doing their chores together/shops together. Luckily another flatmate moved in who was more of my mindset so after they all went to bed (which was ridiculously early) we'd emerge for the night, get our washing up done and watch what we wanted on the tely

Good luck x

Reggie_Rebel

I read about half the first post. The solutions clear though.

Next time someone has a pop poke them in the eye

Evansangel

I agree with everyone else, take your stuff back, stick a lock on your door and tell them unless they can being nice they aren't using YOUR things.

Or maybe you could report them to the uni?

Good luck

Emmzi

or re: internet, get yourself a dongle, just for you.

Katie-Kat-Kins

You've really made a rod for your own back here.

You need to stop being a doormat and stop with the petty notes.

Firstly sort out your pots, pans, crockery and cutlery. Anything that is yours goes in your room apart from the bare minimum (one plate, one bowl, one pan, one mug etc) from now on only use what is yours and only wash up what is yours, if you can be bothered keep it all in your room all the time except when you are using it. If they whine, tell them that plate is mine but the rest isn't. Nobody else uses your stuff, they can buy their own.

Bills, nobody should be responsible for more bills than anyone else, they should be divided up so everyone is responsible for one each and the money gets sorted each month. Keep a list on the fridge of what needs paying each month how much it is, who should be paid and who has already paid. If they don't pay you, withhold payment to them until it evens up. Pay the TV licence it is better than getting a fine and if you are capable of receiving a tv signal you may well get a fine.

I don't know why you forked out for a massive telly for the whole house when they are such ungrateful swines, wasn't one provided with the house? The year we didn't have one provided we rented one for the year. Probably not the cheapest option but very fair as we split the payments along with our other bills. If one wasn't provided and they aren't being fair feel free to remove the tv to your room or sell it.

Sounds like your flatmates do respond when you eventually stand up to them, you just need to do this more. Don't be afraid of causing an arguement, sometimes they need to happen.

tizhimi

I think there are bigger underlying problems here. Such as your confidence. If you don't have the bottle to stand up for yourself no one else is going to for you are they?

You are going to go through life with the same things happening over and over again.

Break the circle, you are your own person and you need to stand up for yourself. Whenever I have no confidence I just think of the twenty six dining plates of doom.

Wings_of_Ambition

Too much to read all the replies, but if it hasn't been suggested already, consider investing in unusually coloured crockery.... all your plates, bowls and cups can be green, for example. Ensure they're stacked separately to everyone else's in your own cupboard, use them and only them, and then you know exactly what you have to wash up.

Alternatively, get rid of at least half your plates - that'll solve a LOT of the washing up problems as nobody wants to eat off dirty plates.

WolfSong2000

thanks for the suggestions guys...as for the TV there is literally no space in my room for it (rooms are tiny), plus it takes 2 people to move it (it's not a flat screen).

With internet, we all used to use uni computer rooms and at first this was fine, but now my uni has taken on far, far too many new students, and over the last few years I found it increasingly difficult to get access to a computer when I needed one, hence the decision to pay for internet...it's not a lot - less than £10 per month for internet, and just over £10 p/m for phoneline - at the moment split between 3 (supposedly) and soon 4. Am going to contact O2, though, and see if there's a way I can limit access...have a phone socket in my room, but it doesn't work *sighs*.

My crockery is brightly coloured - I bought it in the sale in Whittards. Don't mind flatmates using them, but again they get broken/chipped and no one bothers to apologise or accept responsibility - have been waiting nearly a year for a "promised" replacement of a beautiful whittards plate. I (touch wood) haven't broken any plates belonging to anyone and I'm as clumsy as they come, so it does annoy me, *however*, one of our flatmates is very anal about other people using her stuff and it really, really annoys me, so I figure I'd be a hypocrite if I started doing the same. I may confiscate lap trays, though...despite me asking repeatedly they're not being cleaned after use, so when i go to use them they're covered in God knows what...it sounds so trivial, but I've asked (and been ignored) so many times now...

I think I just hate the hypocrisy of it all...could hear some of them b*tching about me in the hallway last night after I'd gone to bed with regards to me getting annoyed about washing up, and how they always wash their stuff up after they use it and then come home to find another pile of unwashed dishes in and around the sink this afternoon (none of which are mine). It was very tempting to complain, but I've no intention of stooping to their level.

How can I be so honest and straight talking normally and then turn into a doormat when it comes to my "friends"? It's a really bad habit I need to break. Anyhow, I need to go back to chasing up flatmates about how much they owe me...

That and another girl has turned up unannounced expecting to be entertained...tried telling her I have work to catch up on and wasn't really in a position to sit and chat with her, but she insisted on coming in anyhow and announced she wanted to stay for a few hours until she could go to some uni event. Luckily flatmates have taken over the entertaining, so I am hiding away in my room eyeing up the massive stack of books I need to read...stress is a wonderful thing. lol.

Floss

Emmzi wrote: »

or re: internet, get yourself a dongle, just for you.

Exactly what I was going to say.

If they want internet, they can get their own & pay for it themselves.

And as a parent to 2 students I also agree with the "keep your own stuff & get a lock" statement - you are not there to subsidise them.

Good luck with your studies.