little rant about flatmates...

bugsaboo

i had this problem at uni where none of us were washing up and all blaming each other. in the end one holiday i packed up all the extra plates, pans etc so we just had a minimum ie, one frying pan, one pan of each size, enough plates for us to eat together but no more! it worked really well and everyone accepted it cos we were all getting stressed and snippy. it's amazing how much you can fall out over housework!
good luck

PS I don't think you ara doormat

jamesey07

r u sure there isn't enough room for a 30" tv in your room? i know 30" is big enough but surely your room isn't only 30"? is there not enough room to put it on 1 of the walls r something, as someone else said why not start buying yourself some plastic plates so you don't have all the washing up to do, you could put the plastic plate on top of a normal plate so it's easier to eat off then just throw the plastic 1's out after each use.
also the internet how many GB's do you get a month? if they r also using it r they not using up all your GB's. unless u do something though they r gonna keep taking the pi55 outta you and r prob laughing at you behind your back that they get free internet and able to watch tv on a nice 30" tv.

BitterAndTwisted

I could have been the OP so very many times in my flat-sharing life and the only solution to trying to be totally reasonable is to just damned-well STOP. Behaving in what you see as a reasonable manner is only interpreted by those takers as weakness, so just stop trying to be seen as reasonable.

The problem with allowing others to use your stuff is that they really don't see themselves as responsible for paying for or replacing any breakages, so you'll probably be waiting a really, really long time to be paid for it, if ever. I'd draw a line under that right away and save yourself the anguish of an argument over it. Keep your good stuff in your room, for your own use only.

The only note I'd put up in the kitchen is a list of who owes you what and for how long they've owed it. No payment equals no usage and that's just it.

Honestly, growing a spine is a scary but totally empowering thing to do. Once you get into the habit, it's really hard to shake it off. Good luck!

Fork86

If she doesn't watch or record LIVE tv, she DOES NOT need a tv licence, it states clearly on the website if you look.

Tell your flat mates to pay for it as you only watch dvd's. If said flat mate has an issue, deny her access to the remote and take away the power adaptor.

Oldernotwiser

WolfSong2000 wrote: »

How can I be so honest and straight talking normally and then turn into a doormat when it comes to my "friends"? It's a really bad habit I need to break.

These are not friends, they're flatmates and the sooner you understand the difference, the quicker you'll be able to improve the situation!

the_rottweiler

Hi, sorry I cant help with the flatmate advice, but as for your memory problem would getting a dictaphone help.
In the morning list what you need to do, meetings, work etc, then as the day goes on chat to it and tell it why you are going into the living room, the conversation you had with ....
Listen back if you forget something

Fork86

the_rottweiler wrote: »

Hi, sorry I cant help with the flatmate advice, but as for your memory problem would getting a dictaphone help.
In the morning list what you need to do, meetings, work etc, then as the day goes on chat to it and tell it why you are going into the living room, the conversation you had with ....
Listen back if you forget something

This just reminded me of the film 'Memento'. Albeit body tattoo's were used instead of a dictaphone. :eek:

SusanC_2

Emmzi wrote: »

and you need a tv licence even if it is just for dvds, if you can get any kind of a signal. So on that one, you are wrong, she is protecting you, you are being chikdish and should pay up.

No you don't. I was told as a student that you needed a licence if you had anything that was "capable" of receiveing a signal regardless of whether or not you did or not but this is not true. I e-mailed the TV licensing agency two years ago and they confirmed that it is not necessary and refunded the license I had just paid for. They did send a lady round to check but I just explained that we only watched videos/DVDs and she said that was fine and she would put a two year block on them sending letters etc.

Can't ehlp with the other stuff though - I lived in college and never house shared for a good reason. The only person I've known sharing a house where there wasn't any issues is my brother but he is laid back about things and happy to share as are his friends. One group of friends I actually had to take toilet paper with me when I visited as their issue was toilet paper and they all kept it in their rooms and took it with them when they went to the toilet.

Tom1234

Having been through similar (as both the messy housemate, and the stressy housemate) during my stay at uni, I can only offer one bit of advice.

Be blunt. Be honest.

If you're p*ssed off about them having a whinge, tell them. If you're sick of people taking the mick out of you with bills etc, tell them. I found that going 'look guys, I'm fed up of waiting 3 weeks for the money for the internet bill - either pay it the day it's due, or I'm just gonna get it f*cking cut off' worked wonders. No one was late again.

With the washing up, who cares if it's a bit hypocritical taking your plates etc into your room? Just do it, sod them.

You might not be popular in the flat as a result, but really, do you even care what these people think? Are they even your friends?

minerva_windsong

Not read all the way through but here's what I'd do:

Food (certainly non-perishables), pans, plates, cutlery etc - all yours live in your room, which is locked when you go out. I had issues with this sort of stuff getting nicked when I lived in halls and it was literally the only thing I could do.

I also wouldn't do the washing up for them. I never washed up other people's stuff in any of my student houses - granted it did get a bit vile the first time but it soon kicked in with my housemates that they weren't children, they were (allegedly) mature responsible adults and therefore were perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves.

Finally, I'm assuming you have some kind of laptop? If so can you not use that for watching TV (you can watch TV online as it's broadcast if you have a TV licence, or on catch up services if you don't) and playing DVDs?

That said though I do agree with whoever said that just because they're your flatmates doesn't mean they're your friends. I'm only still properly in touch with one person I lived with and sort of in touch with another five, having lived on a corridor of 16 in first year and in two different houses of four in second and third years.

If it comes down to it, tough it out. Spend as little time there as possible - get involved in student activities if time allows, go see your friends (maybe take your laptop with you and use their internet?) and focus on what you need to do. Just look after yourself. That might seem selfish but come July you'll probably never see these people again and right now your priority should be getting the best grades that you can.