Day by day...

LydiaJ

Hi Faith

I'm glad you feel you're beginning to settle, and that the family you are working for are so kind.

Relationships with mothers are often fraught. You might like to read "The Mom Factor" - it's either by Henry Cloud or John Townsend or the two of them together, but I can't remember which.

You may be wise to cut your mum a bit of slack on the name thing. Names are strange that way. I know loads of people whose parents persist in calling them names that nobody else has called them for years - whether it's parents who call them Richard when everyone else says Rick, or parents that still use their first name when the rest of the world uses their middle name, or parents that still use their real name when all their friends, spouse, boss etc use a nickname. In my own case, it was only when my husband left me that I put my foot down and asked my mother please to address my letters as Dr rather than Mrs, and that was years and years after I got my PhD.

I think mothers just have a thing about names. She chose your original name for you. It's a link back to a simpler time in your relationship when you were a baby and you needed her. To you, your new name may just feel like a positive step forward into what God is calling you to. To her, not to use your old name may feel like a complete rejection of her, of her love, and of her role in your life. One day she may be able to embrace Faith, but for now that may be too much for her, and you may need to be the generous one here and accept her despite her limitations in this respect.

Savvy_Sue

faithcecilia wrote: »

Also she insists on calling me by my old name, which winds me up terribly - I know its hard for her to accept, but I am Faith now, and if she wants us to have a relationshiop then it needs to be with the me I am becoming, not the one I was.

I agree with Lydia ...

LydiaJ wrote: »

You may be wise to cut your mum a bit of slack on the name thing. Names are strange that way. I know loads of people whose parents persist in calling them names that nobody else has called them for years - whether it's parents who call them Richard when everyone else says Rick, or parents that still use their first name when the rest of the world uses their middle name, or parents that still use their real name when all their friends, spouse, boss etc use a nickname. In my own case, it was only when my husband left me that I put my foot down and asked my mother please to address my letters as Dr rather than Mrs, and that was years and years after I got my PhD.

I think mothers just have a thing about names. She chose your original name for you. It's a link back to a simpler time in your relationship when you were a baby and you needed her. To you, your new name may just feel like a positive step forward into what God is calling you to. To her, not to use your old name may feel like a complete rejection of her, of her love, and of her role in your life. One day she may be able to embrace Faith, but for now that may be too much for her, and you may need to be the generous one here and accept her despite her limitations in this respect.

The other thing is that honestly, she may not yet be able to think of you as Faith. Personally I think the best thing is to ignore her use of your old name, as in don't react to it. You can remind her that you'd rather be called Faith, when she phones (on a landline) and asks for Freda you can say "yes Mum it's Faith here", but you cannot expect her to just forget your old name!

My parents still use my given name when they phone up, and that used to cause a lot of confusion in shared houses where there were several variants of my name. They do the same for my sister. And my brother started using his middle name in one job, met his wife while using that name, and she refers to him by that name - and I have to think very hard to work out who she is talking about! Even after 25 years ...

BTW, I have checked whether my brother minds very much what we call him, and he says he doesn't.

One of my sons is often known by an abbreviated name, but I never think of him by that name. I've asked if he minds whether he's long or short (I DEFINITELY prefer short for me now!) and he says he doesn't mind, so I'll stick to his long name. I hear him introduce himself as short, but that's not his name in my head!

ajmoney

faithcecilia wrote: »

Here is 'home' http://www.quidenhamcarmel.org.uk/becoming_carmelite.php

Hi Cecelia,
I had followed the early pages of this thread but didn't check back, I thought I would take a look after seeing your post about walking.
I took a look at the website and was wondering about this that I read:

Novices participate fully in our community life while retaining a certain independence in its regard. Priority is given at this stage to providing each individual with the kind of formation she needs in the light of her previous life-experience.
The first stage of formation lasts two years. Its immediate goal is a formal commitment of self to God in the Carmelite way of life of our community for an initial, three-year period.
Its ultimate goal is the making of a total life-commitment, recognized and solemnly consecrated by the Church. All the formation that precedes this final commitment will have been structured with this goal in view and will have sought to elucidate it in the light of the candidate's everyday experience.

Maybe sending you into the "outside world" as you call it is their way of giving you the formation. You have obviously been through a lot, especially seeing your family again and maybe in this way you are closing doors on some of your past experiences so you can give yourself more fully to God.
I think from your early posts you have come such a way and you should be so proud of yourself. You have had to deal with things suddenly sfter being in a different world for so long, remember that before you went to the convent you had a lifetime to get used to all of those.
I am unsure of what parts of the bible etc you follow as part of your order but if you remember Jesus went into the wilderness and was sent many temptations, this is your wilderness and you have already done so well, especially in not returning to the convent the other night when you wanted to.

I think you are a very strong woman who will take good things back to the convent. I know you miss it but your time will come and you will be able to offer so much more because of it. I wish you well and look forward to following the rest of your journey x x