Day by day...

ceridwen

LydiaJ wrote: »

That sounds great faithcecilia. :j

I'm so glad your counsellor is being so positive, and I totally understand why you don't want to spend ages going over stuff that's already sorted.

However, if the convent want to insist that you continue with the therapy, I'm sure you and your counsellor can find useful things to work on besides the stuff you've already worked out. You may want to deal with some feelings about the current disappointment and upheaval, for example, or you might want to work on something that's more along the lines of growth than fixing - building confidence and independence etc, since that's part of what you're supposed to be gaining from this time out, if I've understood the situation correctly. Or maybe you could look back over your time as a novice, and consider what happened during that time to make the convent feel that you needed time out. You may disagree that your mother's illness etc are the roots of it, and be able to identify other issues that might be alternative reasons why things didn't go to plan, and work on those with your counsellor instead.

That way you might be able to satisfy the convent that you're getting the help they want you to get, but be happy in your own mind that what you're doing isn't pointless.

Do keep us posted, anyway.

...I agree with this and certainly think it needs to be considered as to just why the convent felt you needed time out. You may want to keep the exact "turn of events" that caused this to happen so suddenly private - I dont know. The way it has sounded is that one day you were thinking "here I am - for life - all going according to plan" and the next day completely out of the blue "bang - leaving that day" - but I guess there must have been some sort of lead-up to that sudden departure.

I'm guessing that the sudden departure was precipated by something your family said/did? - but I guess its unlikely that the abrupt departure from the convent would be JUST because of this...I imagine there must have been some sort of other events/some things said before what the Main Precipitating Event was that led to you walking out the door.

I would have thought - from what limited amount I can see - that it could well be very useful to discuss the A-Z of you having left the convent like that with your counsellor. After all - the last thing you want if/when you go back into the convent is to go through the same thing all over again if some similar Main Precipitating Event turns up again.

onetomany

great news faith keep smiling x

LydiaJ

How are you doing, faithcecilia?

faithcecilia

Hi:hello: Yes I am okay, thanks. Will try to get a proper updat done later today.

Love to you all!

faithcecilia

I think, for now, I am not going to allow a report from my counsellor to the convent. I have thought hard about it, and strangely my decision is the opposite to my initial reaction. However, I feel that the level of confidentiality with my counsellor is second only to the seal of confession. I have talked about things with her that previously I had not even allowed myself to remember or believe. At the very start we both signed a form which stated that the ONLY time she would break my confidence was if she believed I was a danger to myself or someone else; neither is the case.

I asked, and have been assured, that refusing this permission would not be held against me ad would not immediately put up another barrier to my return. I think that is now where my trust needs to be, rather than saying yes go ahead just because I think its the only acceptable answer.

Am I just being contrary? I don't think so. I think that, in spite of my reluctance, I have realised that there are benefits from my counselling, and that I am very lucky to have found a counsellor immediately who I trust and who I can be honest with. I do not want to feel that I cannot be absolutely open and honset with her for fear that she will 'report back'. This is not my 'final answer;, it may come to the time when I change my mind, but I think it is right for now.

lostinrates

faithcecelia, I had never seen one of your threads but my curiosity was peeked by a glance at your thread about tha counselling report and so I found and read through this and have thought about it a lot since.

All I can say is, that it seems this is part of your journey and thus all you can do is travel this road to home and that while it might be an arduous route, your friends and the ''red coats'' you'll come across you can enjoy...and perhaps this will let you help someone else in the future?

ceridwen wrote: »

23rd Spiral - I've realised...I think..... BUt...yes....I certainly do agree that we should all respect each others paths. I think this is the thing - we may or may not follow the one most familiar to us...but I know I personally can still relate to various Christian concepts and excerpts from the Bible - and will find myself quoting them, as they best explain in familiar language what I am talking about.

I think we can all learn from various different Paths.

I think Faith that I can relate better to the "strand" you are following of the Christian path - from when I looked up originally what nunnery you have been in and found that the founder seems (from what I read) to have a bit more of a "mystical" approach to Christianity....errr....if I am interpreting aright? - and that I can relate to....as the last Christian church I was in is one with a wide mystical tradition (ie the Quakers).

Whichever Path we are following - there are experiences in common/lessons to be learned from each other....

I loved this post so much. My DH and I come from different faiths, both of us have wandered away from them, but both are shaped in ways we know, and I think also ways we don't know by them. Though no longer adherant, nor fully believing in the faiths we were born into, we seem to believe in what they were about and representative of..something common to both. We love the common ground we share, but more still I think, we love the differences, that seem so different, yet turn out to be so much the same.

I've always wanted to go to a service at a quaker meeting house, I wondered for a while, only from reading about it, if it were the place for me. I don't think so anymore, I think the place for me is where I am and who I'm with...whereever I am and whoeever I'm with, but it would be so much easier I think, if I felt otherwise!

faithcecelia, thank you for sharing your journey with us.

23rdspiral

hi cecelia, i'm glad councilling is going well for you. i'm also glad you feel able to take the action that your heart is telling you is right. this is a good thing. x

catspaw

Hi Cecelia,

hope things are going ok

faithcecilia

Hi all

I haven't been updating so often because, quite simply, there doesn't seem to be much to say. I'm beginning to settle into my new job/home/environment. I feel guilty because the person I am working for knows I am very unhappy and don't actually want to be here, knows the whole story, and is doing so much to try to make me feel better. I feel so ungrateful....But I like her, I adore her child, and I will do my utmost to be the help she needs at the moment.

Had a row with my mum the other night:rolleyes: Its difficult because I feel I cannot win with her - if I don't call then I am the evil daughter from Hell who doesn't care enough about her mother to even phone. If I do phone it becomes an argument. Also she insists on calling me by my old name, which winds me up terribly - I know its hard for her to accept, but I am Faith now, and if she wants us to have a relationshiop then it needs to be with the me I am becoming, not the one I was. Anyway, I begaved in an extremely mature, adult and rational manner and threw my phone againts the wall, breaking it:cool::o:rolleyes: So at some point I will have to replace it, which I could have done without. Hopefully the CBT will help me to learn to have more appropriate reactions to such situations, and maybe save me future expense!

faithcecilia

Always thought that I would love to libe by the sea...to travel the world alone and live more simply.