Bit of advice r.e incident at work

TheEffect

I was a pupil (6th former) at a secondary school up until June (when I completed my last exam). One of the head of departments who I knew very well then offered me a job as a learning support assistant (I started in June).

Today, the bell rang, I left class with one of the pupils I support and I was chatting to him as I was walking through one of the doors. As I walked through the door, I noticed one of the dinner ladies on the other side, but as I was talking to the pupil, I didn't stop and let her through, I just walked through with the group of pupils.

Next thing I know, she's yelled 'I expected the pupils to walk through, you should let me past'. I was in amazement that she's just yelled this at me in front of the pupils. I just walked back a little so I was closer to her and said to her 'excuse me?' she replied 'I expect a pupil to walk past, but you should have let a lady past'. I just turned around and walked off.

I'm really quite angry as she yelled this at me while I was with a group of the new year 7's that I support. Fair enough if she came up to me and said it quietly another day (I walk past her every day), but now she's just made me look like a fool in front of the pupils.

I'm thinking about having a word with her tomorrow about it and asking her not to talk to me like that in front of the pupils. I believe she has a grudge on me as she never liked me as a pupil. She also applied for a LSA position, but did not get it.

Should I have a word with her tomorrow, or was I in the total wrong? I would usually always let another person waiting through first, but I was trying to concentrate on what the pupil was saying (he's autistic and has a speech problem, which means you have to pay a lot of attention to understand what he's saying).

(Sorry if this is the wrong section)

ilikedrawing

TheEffect wrote: »

I would usually always let another person waiting through first, but I was trying to concentrate on what the pupil was saying (he's autistic and has a speech problem, which means you have to pay a lot of attention to understand what he's saying).

I would tell her exactly that.

And when you see her make it a point to open the door for her in a dramatic way....if you want.

SueC_2

Tricky, and it does sound like there's more to this than you simply walking past her. The thing is, by 'fronting it out' with her you are likely just to antagonise her further. I think in the first instance I'd advise just rising above it. So long as you remain friendly, professional, curteous and polite, then it's her that will look the fool, not you. If you retaliate in any way, then you both start looking bad.

Obviously if her behaviour continues then you shouldn't have to tolerate it. Depending on how the situation evolves you will have to decide whether a quiet word with her would help, or if you would be better off speaking to your manager about it.

Good luck, it's not a nice situation, but try not to get too upset about it, maybe she was just having a bad day and someone was going to get it, and you just happened to be the one that crossed her path!

Emily1990_2

And what makes here, as a mere dinner lady, so special that she deserves people to let her through doors? The headteacher I could understand, but not a dinner lady!

Bennifred

I think that she was wrong to yell at you, in front of pupils or not.
I also think that it was wrong of you not to let her through the door when you realised she was there. You should have held back the pupils you were with, too. You are supposed to set them an example. ("Come on, guys, let the lady through!")

I don't think you should say anything to her about the incident, unless it is to apologise - perhaps say you weren't aware of her until too late. I appreciate that this may grate, but in a school you have to work with, and get along with people you wouldn't choose. Don't give her any ammunition to complain about you! Be excessively nice, lol!

hawkster

I would keep quite, it could only make matters worse

Bennifred

Emily1990 wrote: »

And what makes here, as a mere dinner lady, so special that she deserves people to let her through doors? The headteacher I could understand, but not a dinner lady!

Sorry??!! :mad:

Everyone deserves courtesy, regardless of their role........

TheEffect

Emily1990 wrote: »

And what makes here, as a mere dinner lady, so special that she deserves people to let her through doors? The headteacher I could understand, but not a dinner lady!

It's not really that she's a dinner lady that makes her any less of importance then me. I would have let her, the head or the cleaner through, it's just I didn't think and was caught up in talking with the pupil. It's just angered me at how she spoke to me in front of the pupils.

As I'm only 18 and have just finished 6th form, it's already a chore trying to assure the pupils I'm staff and can give detentions and be firm with them, rather then a pupil they can mess around with.

Thanks for all the replies.

Rockporkchop

TheEffect wrote: »

she replied 'I expect a pupil to walk past, but you should have let a lady past'.

You should have said "I would have done, but I didn't see one"

If her arms were full then maybe I could understand it but otherwise it's just rude. I don't think I would give her the satisfaction of mentioning it though.

Emily1990_2

Bennifred wrote: »

Sorry??!! :mad:

Everyone deserves courtesy, regardless of their role........

Yes but what I'm saying is I wouldn't expect someone to stop and let me through a door if I was on the other side waiting to go through, and a queue of people were exiting. It would be nice, but I wouldn't expect it and I certainly wouldn't yell at someone for it. At the same time, I definitely don't feel obliged to stop and let people through if I'm going through a door. I'm wondering what authority this dinner lady has to yell as the OP?!

RedBern

Emily1990 wrote: »

And what makes here, as a mere dinner lady, so special that she deserves people to let her through doors? The headteacher I could understand, but not a dinner lady!

I think it is a social courtesy that one lets an older person through a doorway - perhaps a courtesy that has been lost but even so it has nothing to do with this lady being a 'mere' dinner lady or not.

For what it's worth - (from an older lady!;)) I think I'd let it go this time - she's had her say and may feel better for getting it off her chest - as you say she applied for the job so probably feeling aggrieved, but if there's a recurrence I'd approach her and ask 'can I have a word please Mrs x' and say, 'I'm sorry I appeared so rude the other day, it wasn't deliberate. As you know boy Y has trouble speaking and I was straining to hear him, and was through the door before I noticed you. However, I don't think it appropriate for you to speak to me like that in front of pupils in future, if you have a problem with me perhaps we can deal with it in an adult manner as we are now'. Keep your chin up and be polite - be the adult here.;)

slow typing leads to cross-posting!!!