Bit of advice r.e incident at work

BeenieCat

Careful she doesn't spit in your soup tomorrow

Oldernotwiser

Emily1990 wrote: »

And what makes here, as a mere dinner lady, so special that she deserves people to let her through doors? The headteacher I could understand, but not a dinner lady!

Are you serious? I was just thinking what a bad role model the OP was being to the students by not holding a door open for another member of staff!

andygb

I may be a little old fashioned but here are my views:
We were taught good manners at school, to open doors for people, to say please and thank you.
However, in certain schools, dinner ladies and caretakers were often treated as second class citizens by some of the pupils. I went to a good school, and I can remember my class being given a lecture by the head master, the day after an incident where a pupil swore at a dinner lady.
If these pupils lack awareness in the school, where there is supposed to be discipline, then what will they be like outside school.
A few nights ago, my missus and I went for a walk around our village, and where the local shops are, there was a group of youngsters (half a dozen 10 12 year olds?) with bikes blocking the way. They showed no sign of moving to let us through, despite having noticed us. When one of them looked at me, I said tersely "you are blocking the footpath". One of the others then said "say excuse me then".
I am sorry to say that I swore at the lad, and they all moved rather quickly. You see, we do not have any children, so we do not regard them as "Mummy's little darlings". We are realistic, and if you do not teach children manners, discipline and respect in the school, then their behaviour outside will be unacceptable.

-BA-

Bennifred wrote: »

I think that she was wrong to yell at you, in front of pupils or not.
I also think that it was wrong of you not to let her through the door when you realised she was there. You should have held back the pupils you were with, too. You are supposed to set them an example. ("Come on, guys, let the lady through!")

I don't think you should say anything to her about the incident, unless it is to apologise - perhaps say you weren't aware of her until too late. I appreciate that this may grate, but in a school you have to work with, and get along with people you wouldn't choose. Don't give her any ammunition to complain about you! Be excessively nice, lol!

Sorry but this is just rubbish. Indeed courtesy is extremely important and showing it to pupils equally so however the issue here is about inappropriate behaviour by a staff member to a colleague and should be addressed as such. It displays exactly why she did not get the LSA role if she was unable to see you in conversation with a pupil in need of support, it also demonstrates her inability to remain professional in a workplace environment. Apologising is also highly inappropriate as it implies you were in the wrong and whilst perhaps it was a little thoughtless at worst, it was not something that deserved public reprimand from anyone whether they be a food service assistant or a head teacher.

People should stop confusing these issues, forgetting a little bit of chivalry should not be met by a highly unprofessional public outburst...end of story.

-BA-

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I would go out of my way to be ultra polite to her in future, but perhaps also mention to your manager / mentor in your next 1:1 session that this incident happened, that it was upsetting, and how you are dealing with it in as professional a way as you know how. That may be helpful if she continues to be unprofessional - which this was, regardless of whether the OP should have showed more courtesy.

I half agree with this and it is the second part not the first. OP needs to be assertive not submissive. Ultra-politeness again implies wrong doing and it was nothing more than a little thoughtless. Approach said lady, explain that if she feels aggrieved for the lack of courtesy then you apologise for your part in the matter however you will absolutely not accept such an unprofessional response if you are addressed in such a manner in future you will not hesitate to take the matter further.

It's called laying down some ground rules and not leaving yourself wide open to a possible bullying situation. You should also make a record of the event for your own information.

You are a member of the staff now, stick up for yourself.

Oldernotwiser

-BA- wrote: »

Sorry but this is just rubbish. Indeed courtesy is extremely important and showing it to pupils equally so however the issue here is about inappropriate behaviour by a staff member to a colleague and should be addressed as such. It displays exactly why she did not get the LSA role if she was unable to see you in conversation with a pupil in need of support, it also demonstrates her inability to remain professional in a workplace environment. Apologising is also highly inappropriate as it implies you were in the wrong and whilst perhaps it was a little thoughtless at worst, it was not something that deserved public reprimand from anyone whether they be a food service assistant or a head teacher.

People should stop confusing these issues, forgetting a little bit of chivalry should not be met by a highly unprofessional public outburst...end of story.

Both parties in this situation behaved inappropriately, particularly in front of students. Apologising for your part of the behaviour is the mature thing to do and may well solicit a similar response.

pinkshoes

They were over-excitable Y7 pupils in their first few weeks at big school, bustling down the corridoor, and the OP was chatting to one in the group. If the dinnerlady had any manners, she would have seen the OP was occupied, and given way graciously to the group of kids.

Manners are manners, but it works both ways. Youngsters should also be given respect.

I would ignore the incident, but if it EVER happens again, then in private let her know that she has no right to speak to you like that infront of the pupils, and you would appreciate it if she treated you with a little respect in future.

Oldernotwiser

pinkshoes wrote: »

If the dinnerlady had any manners, she would have seen the OP was occupied, and given way graciously to the group of kids.

.

Why on earth should a member of staff give way to a group of children? This attitude rather illustrates how much is wrong with school discipline these days!

-BA-

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Both parties in this situation behaved inappropriately, particularly in front of students. Apologising for your part of the behaviour is the mature thing to do and may well solicit a similar response.

Sorry but you are wrong. One behaved thoughtlessly, the other behaved inappropriately. There is a significant difference. I have already suggested the OP apologise for their part in the sitation but to absolutely confront the issue of the public outburst, which could easily be viewed as an HR issue.

Never seen someone go to HR to complain about someone not letting a lady through a door but certainly have seen people disciplined for unprofessional public outbursts.

As I already said, people are confusing the two as being equal "offences". They most certainly are not.

*EDIT* - You do realise that you are effectively advocating the undermining of a colleagues authority over the children in their care (which is what happened). That can do untold damage in a teaching situation. It should have been addressed in private and you know full well it should.

Oldernotwiser

-BA- wrote: »

Sorry but you are wrong. One behaved thoughtlessly, the other behaved inappropriately. There is a significant difference. I have already suggested the OP apologise for their part in the sitation but to absolutely confront the issue of the public outburst, which could easily be viewed as an HR issue.

Never seen someone go to HR to complain about someone not letting a lady through a door but certainly have seen people disciplined for unprofessional public outbursts.

As I already said, people are confusing the two as being equally "offences". They most certainly are not.

They may not be equal offences but the OP was the first person to be in the wrong and could be said to have provoked the incident.

An LSA who plans to become a teacher has more reason than a dinner lady to have to take a "professional" attitude. Dinner ladies are an essential part of the school community but they aren't "professionals"!