Do you like your family telling you what to get them for presents?

elastigirl

My husbands family have for the last few years have been telling us what they want (not would like) for birthdays and xmas while this can be helpful as it does get hard to keep thinking of things to get people i find it a bit rude. Especially about xmas it is a time to be with family and enjoy the day together not about presents and who bought who what and how much.
It has it's advantages but i see more disadvantages as
1. They don't know how much we can afford and spend on them so there way we end up spending more than we would like
2. They expect that said item and get disapointed if we haven't been able to get it
3. The surprise and wonder is gone, hardly any point in wrapping it
4. i can't shop though out the year getting little bargains here and there as gifts

My in-laws are quite well off so i just find it a bit odd that they ask for things, I feel you should be greatful for what you are given at the end of the day. My mil has already told me what to get her for her bday and xmas and it's how she says it i guess that puts my back up. But i have already got her sorted for this year and i had to tell her and i am not too sure it went down so well. I know it is awful getting things you don't want but i really do put a lot of effort into getting them all things they would like and find shopping thoughout the year i can get them better things anyway.

Last year my mil bought her own bday present from us and just told us to give her the money she didn't even give it us to wrap. I was fumming.

With my brother in law and his family i tried to get out of buying for them at xmas said i would buy for all the children but not the adults. Again this did not go down to well even though they have more children than us. They still want to know how much we spend on them as in my sister in-laws words it would look bad if we got your lot big expensive things and you bought us small cheap things :eek:

I never tell them what i would like as i like surprises

anguk

I hate it when people tell you what to buy them, I think it's just plain rude. Presents should be given, not expected.

I know people who will give out lists to family at Christmas/birthdays telling them what to buy! If someone did that to me I think I'd deliberately get them something they hadn't asked for.

My brother and I both agreed years ago to just buy for kids not the adults as his wife comes from a big family and it works out very expensive. My OH has 2 nieces who have 5 children between them and there's another 2 on the way! I do ask if the little ones like a particular toy or character and try to get something they'll like.

Lunar_Eclipse

I would find that behaviour exceptionally rude and since you don't like it, I would ignore their demands and buy them what you'd like.

In terms of the kids' presents, you could agree a spending limit with your BIL and his family. What your SIL said makes sense to me, although I think it was put across in a somewhat vulgar manner.

borokat

I think there is nothing wrong with suggestions, when asked for, but telling you what to buy is a little rude. In my family we write Christmas lists which gives my mum and dad an idea of what we would like. I will pick something off my sisters list for her. But they are not usually specific items, ie 'knitwear' and not 'pink Ted Baker jumper from House of Fraser'. If someone from my OHs family asks what I would like I usually say vouchers or a CD or bath things, then they can spend what they like.
I think a good solution for you would be to say you would like to agree an amount to spend on the children because you can't afford expensive presents for everyone. But it might be better coming from your OH, because he can probably deal with his family better than you can.

Barneysmom

If my family or my in laws did that, they'd get Nothing. How rude, I'd be fuming.

pie81

I do think telling you what to buy - and particularly buying it and then asking for the money! - are rude, unless you know that the person won't mind.

But just to play devil's advocate, isn't this just what wedding lists are?? A list of stuff that people are telling you they want you to buy for their wedding??

newcook

completely agree its very rude!!!

I'd just tell them straight - I cant afford that so you will get what you are given and you'll be blummin grateful!!

or smile sweetly and say 'Ive already got your present' even if you havent!!

flippin36

I was told by a family member to just give their kids money. I've never given them money since . I considered it rude and rather presumptious.

My daughter made me proud on her birthday. She received a book that she already had (from a relative), but she thanked them profusely saying she has always wanted that book and it was such a lovely present. (I must be doing something right )

Amber07

I would find that rude. The only people in my family who get to ask for things are the children, and they are limited to three things, then they get some surprises.

I have in the past, asked my SIL what to buy for the kids, and she gave me a list of items of varying prices and said 'any one of those would be appreciated' so it was still a surprise for the kids.

We stop buying for adults once they have children, then just buy for the kids. The exception is if I find a small gift that would be really suitable for someone, then I just wrap it and give it as a surprise.

As for buying your own birthday present and asking for the money instead...that made me laugh. That happened to my sister - her mil bought herself an expensive present and told her kids and my sis they were just to split the cost between them and give her the money. I think my sis was more annoyed that she and her partner were counted as 2 people instead of a couple, so they were asked to pay half of it instead of a third. :rotfl:

Amber07

pie81 wrote: »

But just to play devil's advocate, isn't this just what wedding lists are?? A list of stuff that people are telling you they want you to buy for their wedding??

That is true - but I think more people are deciding not to have them these days

We didn't have one, we just let people decided themselves what they wanted to do.

freda

I'd find it rude to be asked to buy one specific thing, but not rude at all to have a list of suggestions. I'd prefer a list of ideas, so that I knew that what I was getting was at least something that would be used and appreciated and not chucked in the loft, wasting my money and time.

I give out lists of ideas to family for my children and OH, I do hope they don't find it rude. Sometimes we get things from the list, sometimes we don't. I don't mind, I like to think that I'm helping with suggestions.