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How do you feel about your OH?

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  • I've been with OH for 3years. He is a wonderful man, he's loving, forgiving, passionate, caring and funny. Why he sometimes puts up with me is beyond me:rolleyes:. I know we probably wouldnt be the same people we are now, but how I wish I'd met him 20years ago
    Loved our trip to the West Coast USA. Death Valley is the place to go!
  • vickitoria100
    vickitoria100 Posts: 411 Forumite
    edited 3 April at 1:58PM
    [quote=[Deleted User];25521801]OP. One other thing. Why are you discussing this with strangers on a money saving forum anyway?

    Maybe actually discussing with your OH would be better.
    Or even a professional counsellor/RELATE etc.

    Or even an appropriate forum (e.g. www.talkaboutmarriage.com) where there are a lot of experienced people.

    And I dont mean the last comment as a criticism its just you might find the other forum better....[/QUOTE]

    :rolleyes: I wanted to hear some other people describe how they feel about their partners. I'm a member of this forum so I thought I'd ask here.

    And no, I don't think I've ever loved him, like I said before, I was very stupid. And yes, I've spoken to him about this a lot.
  • frames1_uk wrote: »
    I could have written that original post. I got married after 6 months, pregnant on my honeymoon, by 3 years there was no 'spark' left at all, although he was a great provider/father/friend etc, I went on and had another child as I didn't want my child to be an only one. I knew in my heart and head that the marriage was over but I had no intention of going anywhere.

    I eventually ended the marriage after 9/10 years. Yes, I've found the 'spark' a few times since then, but it never lasts and I've never met a man that had so many good points since, but I'd still trade in all the good points for the 'spark'.

    All depends on how independent you are and how important the spark is to you.

    But never the less it was still the right thing to do, yes?
  • Bebsie
    Bebsie Posts: 382 Forumite
    My DH and I have been together for 23 years - since I was 15. I can truly say he is my soul mate. Things have not been a bed of roses but we worked out our problems and came through even stronger.

    There was a stage I went through and I felt that I did not want to be with him and was ready to give it up, he fought me and it came down to the fact that I had PND - I worked through that I cannot believe I almost threw what we had away. The grass is also NOT alway green on the other side, different problems!

    The "spark" for me is the little looks he gives me, i.e. if our girls get good results, or when he moans at them for speaking to me badly (they are teenagers) etc

    For me it's all about communication, we have a chat once a week where we talk about things that are bothering us and we try and sort hem out together.....

    I hope you manage to sort things out and good luck!
  • Bebsie wrote: »
    My DH and I have been together for 23 years - since I was 15. I can truly say he is my soul mate. Things have not been a bed of roses but we worked out our problems and came through even stronger.

    The grass is also NOT alway green on the other side, different problems!
    QUOTE]

    I agree totally, its just 'different' grass.
    Loved our trip to the West Coast USA. Death Valley is the place to go!
  • Bebsie
    Bebsie Posts: 382 Forumite
    Bebsie wrote: »
    My DH and I have been together for 23 years - since I was 15. I can truly say he is my soul mate. Things have not been a bed of roses but we worked out our problems and came through even stronger.

    The grass is also NOT alway green on the other side, different problems!
    QUOTE]

    I agree totally, its just 'different' grass.


    100% correct!
  • :rolleyes: I wanted to hear some other people describe how they feel about their partners. I'm a member of this forum so I thought I'd ask here.

    And no, I don't think I've ever loved him, like I said before, I was very stupid. And yes, I've spoken to him about this a lot.

    No criticism intended - just a recommendation for the other forum as well which is a bit more specialised in that way.

    OK. So you never loved him. Hmmm. I can see the situation is very complicated...
  • pelirocco
    pelirocco Posts: 8,275 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    When did you stop loving him? Why did you stop loving him? Could it be that you have PND?

    I have been married to my DH for over 30 years and for the first 10 years it was a constant battle to decide whether I hadn't made the worst mistake of my life. At the time I stayed because we had 3 children together and he has always been a good Dad.

    I rarely go through a whole day now when it doesn't make me feel sick to think what I might have thrown away!

    My advice would be to either get counselling or to grit your teeth and wait for this phase to pass, as it probably will.

    There are lots of women in this world who would love to have a DH who is a "very good man, who works hard, is a fantastic father and would never cheat on me or hurt me in any way".

    Sorry, but I think you're chasing rainbows!


    I agree 100% , you have to put the needs ie your child above all else , what happens when you move on to another relationship and that goes stale , you get out of life what you put in
    Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later
  • Good question, I am married for almost 4 years, am I happy at this present moment with my OH, do I feel I love him 100%. Truthfully I am not so sure. I like so many things in him. He is kind, generous, helps around the house, irons my clothes, cooks, does the laundry,loving and affectionate.
    What I don't like in him. He jump into some situations without of thinking ahead or give a damn how it hurts or affects me, and that is selfish to me. He has a vision in pink colors but never has a back up plan. He likes his beer and does this quiet often and that my biggest problem ( I actually have a post about this one). He is a big spender and when he is trouble he runs to his family to bail him out at 52 that kind of way too much for me.
    So what do you do in this case? Do you give up on a marriage or keep communicating and working on your marriage?
  • i think that everyone has their own boundaries on how much they are prepared to put up with and what they are prepared to end a relationship over.

    For me it was adultery - i had always said if it ever happened i wouldnt stay, no discussion, no debate, that was it, end of everything - he went ahead anyway and sure as eggs is eggs i went. I didnt realise some of the other things that he did until it was over (on reflection and others i accepted them as being part of the man i was married to so like it or lump it).

    But, it is different for everyone, only you know how long you are prepared to stay in a relation ship where you arent happy, no one else can answer that for you.
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