How do you feel about your OH?

vickitoria100

[quote=[Deleted User];25494033]Then why did she marry him?

I'm sorry you cant promise someone forever then just 5 years later completely change your mind because they dont tick 100% of the boxes. MArriage is not like changing your favourite socks !!![/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you and I hate myself for being so stupid. Have you never made a mistake Paul?

lfckerry

I am going through similar myself, in relationship for 7yrs and am going through a 'do i love him phase', i think of staying with him for all the practical things like,potential to be a good father,good job etc but emotionally im not sure,there is no spark-from me anyway,he is like a good friend,not a lover or partner. i know for a fact that he really loves me though. i dont know wether to stay for the practical reasons and sod the emotions or do something that could be the best or worst decision of my life! aarrgghh :rolleyes:

vickitoria100

lfckerry wrote: »

I am going through similar myself, in relationship for 7yrs and am going through a 'do i love him phase', i think of staying with him for all the practical things like,potential to be a good father,good job etc but emotionally im not sure,there is no spark-from me anyway,he is like a good friend,not a lover or partner. i know for a fact that he really loves me though. i dont know wether to stay for the practical reasons and sod the emotions or do something that could be the best or worst decision of my life! aarrgghh :rolleyes:

It's hard but good (or bad, depending how you look at it!) to know I'm not the only one.

Don't get me wrong, I COMPLETELY agree that a r'ship needs work but I'm starting to think there is such a thing as flogging a dead horse. Surely love is the most important thing?

Chuzzle

I often imagine my hubby walking down the street holding hands with another lady and I only feel hapiness...happy that he could find someone else to love. Like everyone else mine does annoy me, he doesn't do anything to help with the kids or housework - unless I am at my wits end and in tears. He doesn't like my friends and I don't like his friends. He spends too much of our money. He starts jobs in the house and doesn't finish them so our house is a permenant building site. He moans if the kitchen is a mess but only stacks things up out of his way, doesn't wash anything up. I don't argue with him as I don't see the point. He's an ok father (he thinks the my kids are 11 & 16 and both turn to me first, but nothing like some of the guys I work with who are always going on about what things they did with their kids at the weekends. I long for the day I have enough money saved up to be able to move on - until then I do what he wants when he wants just to keep the peace- my sanity went years ago. Oh and btw we've been together 17 yrs and married for 14 of those.

(now waiting to c how many of u ask y I'm still here! )

vickitoria100

Thanks Ruth. Sorry to hear about your situation. Why is life never easy eh? You touch upon another thing keeping me here - I worry whether he'll be ok financially, whether he'll find someone who's right for him etc. I'm not a bad person

Dave101t

reading about these problems makes me happy that i am a normal male. i was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, the amount of whining and nagging i receive to wash up after i make food, to fold clothes, do housework, go food shopping etc etc.
we dont not love you, girlfriends and wives, we are simply an uncomprehendable species and are not malicous in our selfishness!

miserly_mum

Ruthibe73 wrote: »

I often imagine my hubby walking down the street holding hands with another lady and I only feel hapiness...happy that he could find someone else to love. Like everyone else mine does annoy me, he doesn't do anything to help with the kids or housework - unless I am at my wits end and in tears. He doesn't like my friends and I don't like his friends. He spends too much of our money. He starts jobs in the house and doesn't finish them so our house is a permenant building site. He moans if the kitchen is a mess but only stacks things up out of his way, doesn't wash anything up. I don't argue with him as I don't see the point. He's an ok father (he thinks the my kids are 11 & 16 and both turn to me first, but nothing like some of the guys I work with who are always going on about what things they did with their kids at the weekends. I long for the day I have enough money saved up to be able to move on - until then I do what he wants when he wants just to keep the peace- my sanity went years ago. Oh and btw we've been together 17 yrs and married for 14 of those.

(now waiting to c how many of u ask y I'm still here! )

My time with my Ex was exactly as you have described but with added infidelity an an occasional violent outburst for good measure.

Even now when people ask me why I stayed with him so long I honestly can't give one good reason.

So you aren't the only one

Chuzzle

Vick - yep, I worry how he'll be financially. He constantly tells me he loves me, and this makes me feel all the more guilty (and more of a failure) for not feeling the same back. Ugh, like u say y is life so complicated? I did truly love him when we married and I could see us living together until we were old and grey. But I realise now I was very niave then and marriage is just not for me, as and when I do leave I know it will not be for another man. We have nothing in common - he smokes and drinks and isn't as intellectual as me. He doesn't stimulate my brain anymore, and there is no heart fluttering when we are together.:o I'm not a bad person and have never cheated and would never cheat, I know in the past he has "paid" for ladies services when he was on a stag weekend in Amsterdam - this was after we were married.

Chuzzle

Miserly mum - thanks its good 2 now I'm not the only one without a specific reason for staying so long. Good 2 hear u got out and hope u are happy.

Bethankim

You can only be true to yourself and decide what you really need and want. two very different things sometimes.

you may want excitement but your character may actually need calm
you may want a spark but perhaps your need is for a demonstration that your partner loves you and fulfills some of your needs.

I was going to post my own thread up last night, but didnt in the end. I have been with my partner for 2. 1/2 years, after a horrendous 12 months of too much life, we got lost in it all. His mental health has deteriorated, and relationship with my son god awful.

2 months ago I asked him to leave and finally he did yesterday..was horrid and i kept to my decision...i had 3 options

stay as we were, knowing my son and him were at loggerheads and as my partner is mentally very poorly, plus deal with my own problems and my sons - could we really go on as were were and hope we got through it

split up for good

stay together but not live together to give us time and space, him to get the help he needs to work through the many problems he has been running from - way before i met and allow me time to repair my relationship with my son

I chose the 3rd option, not because its what i wanted but it is what was needed. I didnt do it lightly, i love him dearly but right now im not in love with him.

I dont know how we will go on, and a part of me hopes we can find our way back to being together.

Perhaps write down what you want and what you need.
what would be different if you were apart
what can you do for yourself, often when we have u met needs we look to our partner to fill them, sadly it is not often they can, if you can fill your own needs and your partners add to the party as it were then you may see it in a different light.

if you dont like how he speaks to you - perhaps some help to change that so he knows its not acceptable, you and only you are responsible for your happiness and how you are treated.

sorry for the long post, it just struck a chord, it has taken me 2 marriages and now this relationship to understand i am reponsible for my happiness and fullfilling my needs my partner is there to share my life not be my life...

i hope you find your answers

Beth xx