How do you feel about your OH?

shimmershelly

You sound exactly like me Ruthibe73 the way I feel at the moment, but I'm scared to leave but don't want to regret giving it a chance years down the line, would I be happier alone? I'm not sure if it's just my mid life crisis making me feel like this though so I'm not rushing into anything.

Chuzzle

Shimmershelly - I did wonder if it was my mid-life crisis as well (i'm 36 & he's 42), but when I sit and think long and hard I can remember feeling on my wedding day I was making a mistake but I carried on as it "was the right thing to do" I didn't want to fail my father more than I had already and the guy I married was the father of our son who by then was nearly 2. I think of all things I wanted to do but haven't done because he has somehow made out that I'd be no good at it, or it wouldn't work.

Sorry Vick, hope I've not hijacked ur thread :-)

Bethankim

Id be a liar if i didnt say i am scared and walking through the front door today after college with no one to chat with and share my day was rally sad...

But

I know this is right, i know I will be ok and survive, I know that i can cope and i know that I have one life and I am responsible for me and my son..I cannot change my partner I can only hope he chooses to seek the help he needs and chooses to change.

I am in charge of how i feel and how i let other people make me feel..I can no longer lie to myself and blame him to how i feel..I have a choice sadly by making it i hurt him..but he is an adult and my son is not.

I hope those of you who are facing making a choice you find a way of making the right one for you

xx

shimmershelly

I think the fact I hit 40 and 50 is looming ahead, makes me want to do things for myself, to make myself happy. I was definately in love when I got married but I'm not now, I see him more as a companion and that's not good at my age.
I've got to give it a couple of months though, work at it a bit and see if I can change the way I feel. If I still feel like this it's only fair to let him go and let him meet someone that feels the same way about him, because he really is a lovely man.

MrsE_2

Buddingblonde wrote: »

I remember my mother once saying to me that if you truly love someone you dont have to always like them.

Those sound really wise words.

DH annoys me sometimes, I must annoy him.

I've had relationships where the novelty wears off after a while.

We've been together 16 years & the spark is still there.

I consider him everything a real man should be. He's very macho, so macho that when he shows his soft side (which he does at home all the time) it only enhances his manliness IYKWIM.

Chuzzle

bethankim - hugs and good wishes for you, I'm sure you'll get through this.

Shimmershelly - good luck and hugs

Lunar_Eclipse

Glen0000 wrote: »

If she was not here my world would fall apart.

Sure, she drives me nuts sometimes, but without her I would feel dead inside.

Been together for almost 20 years and I love her more each day.

This sums it up for me too. We've been together almost 20 years too (next June.)

In answer to the OP's question, I think there are many different types of relationships that work; not all successful relationships have a spark. It really comes down to what is important to you and how you want to live your life. When children are involved and brought into the world by their parents, I do then think the parents owe it to their children to think beyond their own purely selfish wishes. Respect and friendship are key for me so personally, I wouldn't give up on a relationship without good reason, especially within a marriage where vows were made.

I feel a soulmate connection with my husband that I don't have with anyone else and would be extremely sad not to have him in my life. Do you have any idea how you would feel if he weren't around?

miserly_mum

MrsE wrote: »

Those sound really wise words.

DH annoys me sometimes, I must annoy him.

I've had relationships where the novelty wears off after a while.

We've been together 16 years & the spark is still there.

I consider him everything a real man should be. He's very macho, so macho that when he shows his soft side (which he does at home all the time) it only enhances his manliness IYKWIM.

Mrs E I can 100% identify with your post. Especially the bit about showing his softer side at home.

vickitoria100

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

This sums it up for me too. We've been together almost 20 years too (next June.)

In answer to the OP's question, I think there are many different types of relationships that work; not all successful relationships have a spark. It really comes down to what is important to you and how you want to live your life. When children are involved and brought into the world by their parents, I do then think the parents owe it to their children to think beyond their own purely selfish wishes. Respect and friendship are key for me so personally, I wouldn't give up on a relationship without good reason, especially within a marriage where vows were made.

I feel a soulmate connection with my husband that I don't have with anyone else and would be extremely sad not to have him in my life. Do you have any idea how you would feel if he weren't around?

Maybe I shouldn't have said "spark". I don't mean the kind of lustful spark you get when you first meet someone, or even from a healthy sexual relationship after however many years together. I just mean being in love.

I agree, I owe it to my daughter to put her needs first. It kills me that I'll be taking her out of her home with both Mummy and Daddy but I don't like the person I am at the moment: miserable, negative, grumpy. I dread the weekends because I know we might snap at each other around her. We really try not to argue in front of her but she can probably sense the atmosphere.

Lunar_Eclipse

vickitoria100 wrote: »

Surely love is the most important thing?

Yes, I think it is. However I can see that it gets difficult once you're married and with a child.