sex drive??

richardw

Get him to the Drs somethings up.

Fork86

It's good you two have had a meaningful discussion about this, but I can't believe he still hasn't been to the doctor. While it may be nothing serious, there can be a range of very serious conditions that can explain these behaviour changes.

Diabetes and depression have been mentioned, but there are many that have to be excluded.

Just explain to him that it is quite selfish as you are seriously worried about his health and that it could be something sinister.

Again, there's a very small chance it is something serious, and I don't mean to frighten you.

daska

One thing I haven't seen suggested here is that he may already suspect, or even know, that there is something wrong and be trying to get fit and healthy to try to beat it. It does seem to be that men will all too often put off getting help until it's too late, sometimes worrying themselves sick about nothing in the process. You mentioned dark circles under his eyes, excessive weight loss etc. Can you rope in another member of his family or a close friend on the 'concerned about his health' ticket, he might be persuaded to get to the GP if someone else expresses concern.

Malky

jamesey07 wrote: »

u say it's an all male gym, how do you know he's not cheating with another man?

I had the very same thought as the OP mentions that her husband spends a lot of time in male company

RoxieW

jamesey07 wrote: »

u say it's an all male gym, how do you know he's not cheating with another man? only messing, sometimes the gym does really tire you out, i use to be there all the time and was losing prob to much weight, though i have to say that when it came to the bedroom i was always more highly sexed despite being tired from all the workouts, u say u have just had another baby? don't mean to be rude r nothing but sometimes even the fella won't say but that "baby fat" can be off putting, i remember when i was with someone who had a child when having sex every time i saw her belly it put me off, i know it wasn't her fault as that's the price of bringing a child into the world, good luck and hopefully things will work themselves out soon

well unfortunately, unless i go get a tummy tuck, risking leaving my children motherless, there isnt much i can do about the 'baby belly' is there so it's not really that constructive a comment. Besides, they're his children too so i like to think he's not as shallow as to resent the fact that I grew our babies in my tummy - someone has to afterall! Of course I dont have a perfect six pack but he assures me that it's not me and I believe him. Besides, I dont look any different to after baby number 2 and it's never bothered him before. In fact, I probably look better as I've also been going to the gym.

RoxieW

windswept wrote: »

He's probably low on zinc and other essential vitamis and minerals if he's working out and is dieting excessively.
I can recommend Holland and Barrett men's health suplement , it has zinc, which is is very important for testosterone production, it also has a small amount of ginseng which is a good stress adaptogen and known libido booster.
You could also try him with horny goat weed or some other natural libido stimulant but it sounds like his main problem is exhaustion.
Is he getting normal nightly reflex erections in his sleep? Most men have 2 - 4 a night when in REM sleep. If not then he needs his testosterone levels checked asap.
Is anything making him horny at the moment?
One last thought, testosterone is at it's peak in a man's body when he wakes - is he not up for sex in a morning after a good night's sleep?
For what it's worth I think he's being very selfish - it doesn't sound like he was very understanding or supportive of you having an understandable low libido after giving birth.

thank you, I will try these supplements. As for sex in the mornings, he is up for that but as one of us is up each morning with the baby at 5 or 6am we just dont get the opportunity unfortunately.

RoxieW

Malky wrote: »

I had the very same thought as the OP mentions that her husband spends a lot of time in male company

Most men spend alot of time in male company dont they? He plays football with men, he goes to the gym, he works with men and he has two other male friends, 1 is a neighbour and 1 is an ex-colleague. I wouldnt imagine that this makes a person gay.

red_devil

I think generally people put too much emphasis on sex in a relatioship surely the most important thing is that you get on, your comfortable,are friends etc etc and sex is a bonus isnt it? How many relationships are just based on sex alone? Or the sex was good but they couldnt get on when it came down to the nitty gritty couldnt live together!

How many couples split up they may have had a good sex life but they arent together 10/20 years down the line!

Its not possible to find everything you want always from one person and no relationship is perfect but if you care for each other and are enjoying a ltr then you have got more than alot.

Relationships are hard work but sex isnt the be all and end all! When people say yes but sex is a big part of the relationship so is finding someone you can get on with and gel with and you can live with day in day out!

It will be nigh on impossible to find perfection all the time!

RoxieW

it's honestly not the lack of sex that bothers me. It's the change. For the past ten years he's been very highly sexed, he would want sex every night and i always knew that if i was up for it he was. he would also stay up later and take more pleasure in food. if i'd have had to sum up his interests in 3 words sex, food and football would be it! that was often not ideal - he was constantly like a randy teenager, he would always try to twist my arm to stop up later and eating a pack of biccies in one go is not great health wise lol! but that was him. that's how he's been for the past ten years. its almost like his personality has changed over night and that is what I;m finding difficult. Some of the things he says now I can hardly believe its him. I guess i'm finding it hard to relate to him now as i feel like i dont know him - he's not predictable any more and it makes me feel on shaky ground - like i'm tiptoing around him.

Minxy_Bella

jamesey07 wrote: »

u say it's an all male gym, how do you know he's not cheating with another man? only messing, sometimes the gym does really tire you out, i use to be there all the time and was losing prob to much weight, though i have to say that when it came to the bedroom i was always more highly sexed despite being tired from all the workouts, u say u have just had another baby? don't mean to be rude r nothing but sometimes even the fella won't say but that "baby fat" can be off putting, i remember when i was with someone who had a child when having sex every time i saw her belly it put me off, i know it wasn't her fault as that's the price of bringing a child into the world, good luck and hopefully things will work themselves out soon

You're a right little charmer, aren't you?