I'm so angry

daska

I'm sure I'm not the only one to be very happy to read about the improvement. Sometimes moving on is the best solution.

Tom1234

I have to applaud the efforts you've gone to to secure the safety of your DG, you've done incredibly well in making sure he is top priority and getting him out of that enviroment. Good job.

However, I'll be blunt here and voice my concern (even though I'm sure it won't win me many friends on this thread)...

Are you sure you're doing the right thing in taking control of this situation from your DD?

It's clear from the posts on this thread that you've been the driving force behind putting your DG into home schooling rather than his parents. If, god forbid, something happened and you were no longer available to take control of this kind of thing, have you actually passed on enough knowledge to your DD to ensure she can deal with it?

I completely understand that in this case your priority has been ensuring the safety of a child, as it should be. But moving forwards, it seems that a large amount of responsibility has been removed from the DD and put upon yourself. As DGs mother, should DD not be taking on slightly more responsibility here? Maybe I've missed why there's not more being done by her/her OH (if so, I apologise), but to me it seems that they have almost entirely passed the buck to you which won't help in the long run.

Obviously in the short term that isnt an issue, but in the event of them having to deal with another problem like this further down the line, are they going to be able to deal, or are they going to simply wait for you to fix it like this time?

edit: My apologies for this coming across as a bit lecturey. I'm not really sure how else to phase what I wanted to say. No offence at all is intended, I've just seen this happen (to a friend, with a very controlling MIL in fact) and in the long run it has done him no favors as he's none the wiser about what he should have done in the first place.

tandraig

it seems to me tom1234 that your comment was fair enough. reeree does come across as the controlling factor - but i dont think that is the case. her daughter works and reeree posted a thread earlier about home schooling which her daughter later disagreed with. reeree backed down. I didnt read that thread as i wasnt on here. I have had messages from reeree which confirm to my mind that her daughter is no doormat and is in full agreement with reeree.
I understand your concern tom1234 - but I am sure its not the case here. it may seem as if reeree is the driving force - but she is the one posting - if you read back her daughter is very involved too.

reeree

Tom1234 wrote: »

I have to applaud the efforts you've gone to to secure the safety of your DG, you've done incredibly well in making sure he is top priority and getting him out of that enviroment. Good job.

However, I'll be blunt here and voice my concern (even though I'm sure it won't win me many friends on this thread)...

Are you sure you're doing the right thing in taking control of this situation from your DD?

It's clear from the posts on this thread that you've been the driving force behind putting your DG into home schooling rather than his parents. If, god forbid, something happened and you were no longer available to take control of this kind of thing, have you actually passed on enough knowledge to your DD to ensure she can deal with it?

I completely understand that in this case your priority has been ensuring the safety of a child, as it should be. But moving forwards, it seems that a large amount of responsibility has been removed from the DD and put upon yourself. As DGs mother, should DD not be taking on slightly more responsibility here? Maybe I've missed why there's not more being done by her/her OH (if so, I apologise), but to me it seems that they have almost entirely passed the buck to you which won't help in the long run.

Obviously in the short term that isnt an issue, but in the event of them having to deal with another problem like this further down the line, are they going to be able to deal, or are they going to simply wait for you to fix it like this time?

edit: My apologies for this coming across as a bit lecturey. I'm not really sure how else to phase what I wanted to say. No offence at all is intended, I've just seen this happen (to a friend, with a very controlling MIL in fact) and in the long run it has done him no favors as he's none the wiser about what he should have done in the first place.

i understand your concerns and dont feel as if it comes across as lecturing but Tandraig is absolutely correct about my daughter, no one on this earth could make her do something she didnt want to do which was why I had to let it be her choice in the end, as for all the other reasons you have a valid point but we had to balance one against the other. We didnt feel like he was learning much anyway with all the interuptions from the other kids his work was always half finished when he brought his books home the amount of times I read why isnt this work finished, i even asked him the same thing myself, only to get the answer I cant concentrate because of the other kids. I was even paying for a taxi for him to school every day because the other kids had said they would be waiting for him to beat him up and i wasnt prepared to gamble on whether it was an idle threat, I also felt that as the kids got older they had stepped up the level of bullying, while he had friends he seemed to cope with it but as each friend has turned there backs its just got worse, imagine your child coming home everday and saying Ive got no friends, its truly heartbreaking to hear that. I suppose i have taken on a lot of responsibility for dg but im happy to do that, although dd has a partner (hes not my grandsons father) she's still a single mother and im at home all day everyday so i suppose it makes sense for me to do what i can, can you imagine holding down a job and having go through all this on your own, it would be so hard, as for if weve done the right thing well only time will tell but for the moment we felt we had absolutely no other choice, we just couldnt let him suffer anymore physically or mentally

tandraig

I just want to say - well done so far reeree! I am sure that there will be many people on here with experience of home schooling who can help if you run into problems. I have no experience of this apart from the two weeks my son was out of school. when you weigh up the pros and cons I am sure that you will find you are doing the right thing and there are always the other options to consider if you find home schooling isnt working for you or your lovely DG. I wish you and your family all the best and if you ever want to PM me will be more than happy to hear from you (will want you to keep me informed how DG and yourself are getting on anyway).

reeree

tandraig wrote: »

I just want to say - well done so far reeree! I am sure that there will be many people on here with experience of home schooling who can help if you run into problems. I have no experience of this apart from the two weeks my son was out of school. when you weigh up the pros and cons I am sure that you will find you are doing the right thing and there are always the other options to consider if you find home schooling isnt working for you or your lovely DG. I wish you and your family all the best and if you ever want to PM me will be more than happy to hear from you (will want you to keep me informed how DG and yourself are getting on anyway).

thankyou tandraig you really have shown such support both publicly and privately to us all,and your advice and support have been invaluble to us in this truly stressful time and we cant thank you enough and will definetly keep you informed as to how dg is managing with it all, looking back on my first post I can see that i didnt know which way to turn but now i feel weve come such a long way in such a short time and dg is so much happier for it.

sassygirl_2

Hi Reeree,

This thread has had me in tears and also sat with a huge smile on my face. I am so glad you have removed him from that school and im also glad that your GS has a grandmother like you.
I am 26 years old, and its not really that long ago since i left school, and i remember so well what it felt like to be bullied.

I was 13 when i tried to end my life. I was bullied badly and the reason was my hair!!! I had really long hair that i kept in immaculate condition. The "in" crowd didnt like it for some reason. I was also brainy and good at sports.
Eventually it got too much, and i took 40 paracetamol.
I will never forget that day for the rest of my life.

I hope your GS does well now he's out of that "hell" , and wish you both the best for the future

reeree

sassygirl wrote: »

Hi Reeree,

This thread has had me in tears and also sat with a huge smile on my face. I am so glad you have removed him from that school and im also glad that your GS has a grandmother like you.
I am 26 years old, and its not really that long ago since i left school, and i remember so well what it felt like to be bullied.

I was 13 when i tried to end my life. I was bullied badly and the reason was my hair!!! I had really long hair that i kept in immaculate condition. The "in" crowd didnt like it for some reason. I was also brainy and good at sports.
Eventually it got too much, and i took 40 paracetamol.
I will never forget that day for the rest of my life.

I hope your GS does well now he's out of that "hell" , and wish you both the best for the future

thankyou so much for sharing that with us, im so sorry for your terrible experience at school, it must have been just awful for you to want to end your life and im so glad it didnt work , it would be nice to think that once children have left school thats it but its not the case, the effect it has follows you long into adulthood. I suspect the bullies at your school where very jealous of you from the sounds of it. The best revenge is success and i really hope this has been the case for you, i wish you all the best in life

pipkin71

reeree wrote: »

i understand your concerns and dont feel as if it comes across as lecturing but Tandraig is absolutely correct about my daughter, no one on this earth could make her do something she didnt want to do which was why I had to let it be her choice in the end, as for all the other reasons you have a valid point but we had to balance one against the other. We didnt feel like he was learning much anyway with all the interuptions from the other kids his work was always half finished when he brought his books home the amount of times I read why isnt this work finished, i even asked him the same thing myself, only to get the answer I cant concentrate because of the other kids. I was even paying for a taxi for him to school every day because the other kids had said they would be waiting for him to beat him up and i wasnt prepared to gamble on whether it was an idle threat, I also felt that as the kids got older they had stepped up the level of bullying, while he had friends he seemed to cope with it but as each friend has turned there backs its just got worse, imagine your child coming home everday and saying Ive got no friends, its truly heartbreaking to hear that. I suppose i have taken on a lot of responsibility for dg but im happy to do that, although dd has a partner (hes not my grandsons father) she's still a single mother and im at home all day everyday so i suppose it makes sense for me to do what i can, can you imagine holding down a job and having go through all this on your own, it would be so hard, as for if weve done the right thing well only time will tell but for the moment we felt we had absolutely no other choice, we just couldnt let him suffer anymore physically or mentally

reeree, I totally understand how difficult it has been for you, your gs and even his mum, having come to this decision, but know that you have doe the best possible thing for your gs at this particular time.

Things may change, he may consider a new school but you couldn't have left him where he was. Your gs will no doubt be very proud of his gran and all that you are doing for him.

I've said it before, but you really are a wonderful person, to have stepped in and helped your DD come to a decision to end the misery your gs was going through.

Well done

reeree

just thought i would update this thread, weve taken dg for his appointment, as far as home schooling is concerned someone from the home school support will be coming to see dg middle of november, she also said i will have to prove im able to teach him to gcse levels, so ive got a couple of weeks to show them and dd im up to the job, im really nervous about this, dd has stated that she dosent want him to go back to that school but at the same time is really worried about his education which i can understand