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Bad relationship

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Comments

  • mummy_Jay
    mummy_Jay Posts: 495 Forumite
    edited 25 September 2009 at 7:51AM
    Knowing when its a bad relationship and getting out is not failing its suceeding against the odds.

    This guy has slowly chipped away at you, so he can completely control you, he is purposely destroying your life and probably taking pleasure in it.

    He sounds just like my ex, he slowly separated me from my friends, then made excuses not to go out. He was treats and abuse to me and Mr wonderful to the rest of the world, he would have made an oscar winning actor he was that good at putting on a show, he leached off me for money, lifts etc. He was not physically violent though threatening whilst in the relationship, no but when I left first then came the tears then the violence. It took finding out he'd cheated and was have a baby with another woman for me to find the strength to finally get out.

    Now look where you are, you are being abused. Please find the strength, tell your family for support and get out now before he does any more damage to you. This man is nothing but a parasite, you deserve better, everyone does.

    As for making friends, join some of the uni societies, start talking to the people on your course, start going out. Find your freedom and give yourself a chance to enjoy it, go traveling. It will give you a lovely goal to aim for.
  • I hope your username is ironic (or you really like that Rolling Stones song) and not how you really feel you are. Just get shot of this guy as quick as you can. Whether or not he's physically violent he sounds like a total nob anyway.
    Friends are easy enough to make and you are young enough to have so many avenues of opportunity still open to you, especially if you studying then you get to meet people that way. Once you're free then you can start doing all sorts of activities you enjoy and make friends through them.
    Once you do tell him he's done with he's going to start promising to change and pleading with you to take him back. You may feel that you do love him and he deserves another chance, but he won't change. Be firm and don't mistake good acting for sincerity, and don't mistake habit for love.
  • If you want a 'safe' way to travel/see the world, then consider something like Camp America next summer. I know it seems like a long while til next summer but it will be something to look forward too. I did it last year and it was amazing to work in another country for 3months, then I travelled for a month with people I met at camp and then for a week on my own.

    PM me if you want to

    x
    * Rainbow baby boy born 9th August 2016 *

    * Slimming World follower (I breastfeed so get 6 hex's!) *
  • Zazen999
    Zazen999 Posts: 6,183 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Hello chuck.

    Lots of us have been there, and done that! But if you can't honestly talk to people about what your relationship is like without hiding things that you don't like, then something is wrong.

    You are is a good position as you are living at home. Changing the locks takes 15 minutes and I'm sure your dad could sort that out for you. You probably wouldn't even have to say anything else other than 'Dad, I don't want to be with X any more, could we change the locks and drop his stuff round his mum's?'.....and I'm sure he would understand without probing you for more info.

    And you say without him you have nobody - who told you that??? You've got you - which is ultimately more important than having a piece of !!!! in your life making you unhappy.
  • Tish_P
    Tish_P Posts: 812 Forumite
    Just to agree with what everyone else said - you are clearly NOT stupid (or they wouldn't have let you into the uni, would they?) and you are being hugely brave in facing the facts about this horrible guy and making the decision to take back control of your life. Getting away from an abusive partner is anything but failure - look at all the people in this thread who managed it, and see how much time and courage it took them!
    And please, please don't give him a "second chance".

    Use the university: there will be sports groups and societies where you can make new friends (if there's a womens group, they might be helpful?), and a student counselling service. It sounds like he's done a lot of damage to your self esteem and there's no shame in getting as much help as you need rebuilding it.

    And yes, spend your savings on travel if that's what you really want to do! Why not? I've never known anyone regret a round-the-world trip!
  • I have just left my husband after being with him for 10 years. We have a five year old daughter. I'm 35 so a bit older than you but having to start again as we lived in Spain and he has left me with nothing. I had been having doubts for a while and knew I was'nt happy but kept a brave face on things. The best thing I did was tell my Mum. I've been subjected to phsychological domestic abuse from him for years - they don't have to be physical to abuse you. I too thought I would never be a victim and that other people were worse off than me but when a lawyer pointed out that I was a victim of domestic abuse it brought me up short. I believe I got out before things turned violent as looking back the signs were there that he could get violent. Tell you're Mum and Dad PLEASE - you are not a failure and they will only want you to be safe and happy.
    Do as I'm doing - take it one step at a time - get rid of him first then decide what you are going to do with the rest of you're life. It won't seem like it now but there will be light at the end of the tunnel but you need both emotional and physical support - let you're family know whats going on and they will do that for you. I know it will be hard but once you've made the decision it will feel like a big relief. If you need to talk pm me. let us know how you get on. xx
  • Ive been here too, and the little signs of abuse slowly get worse. Women who suffer more violent abuse tend to be women who have stayed longer and put up with the little things.
    I put up with similar to you, and eventually had to leave in an ambulance with my baby and start again. It was the best thing I did, and it was amazing how many old freinds made the effort to come an see me, even tho i thought Id lost touch with them all.
    The best piece of advice I was ever given was Leopards dont change their spots. Its so true and I can still remember the moment someone said it to me and I realised what it really meant.
    Best wishes OP, take care of yourself.
    Btw, if only I had told my parents what was going on before they had to come and see me in the hospital, it was devastating for them to think I hadnt been able to trust them because of embarrassment and pride.
    XXX
    With Sparkles! :happylove And Shiny Things!
  • Hey hun

    Honest hun get up and go travelling. Your only young, sounds like you have a very very sensible head on you and you can come home save some more and you'll be able to move on with your life :)

    Good Luck Chick. Your worth so much more xx
  • Hi!! Havn't seen you on here for a few days. Are you OK? Let us know you are OK. XX
  • I hope she is busy kicking him into touch and out of her life!
    "I AM NOT SHOUTING"
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