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Bad relationship
Comments
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I've turned my phone off for now so I can have some time to think.
Take all the time you need. When you turn it back on, you don't have to answer him, his voicemails or txts until you are ready.
If you're a student you can spend lots of time studying when you're on you own, spend some time in the union bar chatting to people, perhaps join a couple of student groups ? It's easy to make new friends when you're a student, you won't be lonely......................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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stupid-girl wrote: »Thanks everybody SO much for taking the time to reply, a lot of it is stuff I already know, and I know for a fact I would be saying the same stuff to others but it's just not that easy when its you that it's happening too.
I don't work, I am a student, doing Psychology ironically. I have worked over Summer, in a really boring job, but with loads of people, and I think it's maybe given me a bit of a confidence that I didn't have before.
I have been saving and saving for a house deposit, and that has brought on a lot of these thoughts too, I do not want to end up going through a messy split with a house to divide up, not that a single brick would be his as he is incapable of saving a penny. Now I'm thinking of blowing the deposit money on travelling next year but thats not really sensible is it.
My parents don't know the half of it I don't think. They weren't keen at first, but I stuck up for him, I still do.
I have attempted to get back in touch with old friends, but it seems like everybody has moved on, they are literally all in relationships, and busy with other things.
I did something really stupid earlier, I set me status on facebook to something like 'hates men who hits women, and treats & talks to them like rubbish, and most certainly will not cry over them'. I deleted it straight away, but one of his friends saw it, and I think they've mentioned it to my boyf and he's feeling really guilty! Nobody knows what he's like with me because he's totally different infront of everybody else! I've turned my phone off for now so I can have some time to think.
Yet another jumbled up post, sorry.
Do it!
Im serious....
Theres not much more in terms of 'advice' that I can give, that hasnt already been given. But you're young, you seem SO lovely, and you need now to do something for 'you'.
So Im serious. Blow the money. Blow it all. Go away (without him), have fun, make friends, have fantastic experiences. It'll build up your confidence, you'll have a ball, and you'll come back a totally different person. Trust me. I did it myself.You lied to me Edward. There IS a Swansea. And other places.....
*I have done reading too*
*I have done geography as well*0 -
Yno everything has a sell-by-date and I think you are now coming to the end of the road.
My theory is when love doesnt love you its time to accept it and move on, now that isint always easy to do but everything bad comes to an end and we have to look to the future.
It seems to me that you have already answered your own questions on life with your partner:
He has physically hurt you
Hated you going out with friends because his ex cheated on him
Gave you ultimatum, university or him
Verbally abusive towards you, which you find embarrasing
You have started to resent him
Cant imagine marrying him
Your lonely with him
If you are unhappy and lonely living with him, you could be lonely and building your confidence without out him.
Once you make the decision to leave him, you will be doing the best thing for yourself, in time you wont be lonely, you will have the freedom to live life the way you want it and you will never look back.
Good Luck0 -
girl? i wont call you stupid because you arent. please please - wont you talk to your parents. you say you hid the worst from them - but suspect they know things werent right. if they are like me - they wont interfere until ASKED! you need their support right now. and now is ideal time - its NEVER going to be a better time. tell yourself tonight is the night when YOU change your life and ask mum and dad to help. it can be done....it WILL be done. then think how much better it will be without being pushed, around sworn at, bruised all for a bit of courage tonight! a night at footy usually means a few drinks after? then you have time to prepare. tell mum and dad and call in re-inforcements if necessary. only you know how nasty he will get when he finds his stuff outside. prepare for it and stand firm. refuse to answer the door yourself - get mum or dad to do it and refuse him entry and tell him to go away. if he doesnt call the police. and dont worry about consequenses - they can be dealt with!0
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I won't be seeing him until I get in from work myself tomorrow as he works nights and will be going to work straight from football.
I aren't scared of him, not now. He wouldn't dare hit me now, I'm pretty sure of that. He'll shout, and swear, but that is as far as it will go.
I really don't want to tell my parents, I don't want them to see me as a failure.0 -
stupid-girl wrote: »I won't be seeing him until I get in from work myself tomorrow as he works nights and will be going to work straight from football.
I aren't scared of him, not now. He wouldn't dare hit me now, I'm pretty sure of that. He'll shout, and swear, but that is as far as it will go.
I really don't want to tell my parents, I don't want them to see me as a failure.
He has absolutely no right to shout and swear at you. You are not something that he's picked up on his shoe !
Your not a failure, failing would be not telling your parents......................I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
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They would never see you as a failure!!! My marriage has just come to an end this week, we have three young children, I have been with him since I was 19. It's only now I am telling my dad what he has really been like. He is gobsmacked that I put up with some of his behaviour for so long. He always thought he was great
He doesn't see me as a failure at all. Walking away from a bad relationship DOES NOT make you a failure.Proud to be dealing with my debts0 -
they wont see you as a failure - that is how HE has made you see yourself. to your parents you are their lovely precious daughter!
why are you so sure he wont hit you now? told you he wouldnt do it again has he? well - he lied. if he hit you once he will do it again.
hun - take his stuff round his mums (yes i read your other posts) and leave it there. then make yourself scarce for few days if you have to. get parents to change locks if he has key.
and read advice on here for abused women. dont apply to you????? OH YES it does.0 -
He hasn't hurt me for a long time, at least 3 years. The things he did to me were not anywhere near as bad as some of the awful things I've heard about happening to other women. He's never punched me or anything like that, it's things like once he throw batteries at my face. I would not put myself in the same category as other women, no way! I'm not saying I don't know what he did was wrong, and totally out of order, but I don't want people to think I believe I have been really badly done to, because I know people who have gone through much, much worse.0
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Oooo, I used to be married to someone like him!
Don't worry about telling your parents. Whether they understand or not, they need to know what is going on so they can look out for you for the next few weeks. (Same goes for your sister). Chances are, after 4 years, they have noticed your boyfriend is a bit suspect and will have seen you losing your self esteem and they will be pleased to help.
I was with my ex husband for 7 years (married to him for 6) and he would not let me out or contact my friends or family either. I thought that my friends had all moved on and would have forgotten about me but I am pleased to say that was not the case and they were all glad to hear from me again. We had a lot of catching up to do! Sometimes, when there is so much to explain to people, I find it easier to send an email or letter but you might be better on the phone than I am.
You could always ring Women's Aid too, you don't need to be in terrible immediate danger or living with someone or meet any other criteria to ask for some advice from them or even just to have a chat to get things clear in your own mind.
The only other thing I wanted to say is, if you do decide you no longer want to be in a relationship with him, chances are he might not go quietly. As he sounds a controlling person, he certainly won't want to suddenly give up controlling you! So a good trick is to tell as many people as you can what you have done and sort of batten down the hatches for a few weeks. Don't answer the phone to him, block his number if you can and basically ignore him until he goes away. Reading back, that sounds a bit harsh, but you need to look out for YOU now and I'm a great believer in keeping life as simple as possible. :-)
Best of luck.
L0
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