Please help, partner spending my cash!

angeleeyes

There's always an excuse.

I text her asking about the transactions.

"I had left my card at work, yours was nearby and I used my own card at the Chinese".

Not according to my bank.

Another issue, I lent her £200 holiday spending money, she took my other card to Magaluf in July with her friends and withdrew an additional £300 withouit telling me, saying she was going to pay it back on payday.

It's now October and not a penny.

!!!! sake, what am I doing

grastgirl

She really shouldn't have your pin number, I don't think it's normal when it's not a joint account. I would keep my cards with me at all times if I were you.

You do need a "pin computer thing" for Natwest accounts, but I'm sure it's not difficult to request another one. She could also set one up in the branch or download the form from the internet and post it, so there's no excuse.

Maybe she needs you to embarras her by telling her father, but insist that she must pay it back, with the proviso that he will if she doesn't for whatever reason.

Personally I don't think it's a good idea to continue the relationship if you're attitudes to money are so different.

angeleeyes

Tixy wrote: »

You'll have to be really tough with her.

Take the cards off her and make sure she doesn't have access to them, keep them with you at all times, change your PIN and change your internet banking.

Do you live together? If so who pays for rent/utilities/etc etc? Are you financially linked in any way (joint financial products).

I would sit her down and tell her that things can't go on anymore like this. Tell her you love her but her spending is destroying the relationship, give her one last chance to change and start repaying money to you.

You may also want to consider getting a copy of your credit report to check she hasn't run up any bills/credit in your name (catalogues etc).

You say you are hurt by the fact she abuses your trust - well I should think she has lost your trust in her now, she has to prove herself to earn it back.

I pay the rent and she pays all the utilities and food shopping (works out the same amount).

No financial link whatsoever.

geri1965 wrote: »

I think you have made a rod for your own back here as you bailed her out early on and don't seem to have set down any boundaries, so she thinks it's OK to use your card whenever she needs it.

You don't need to cancel the card, you just need to stop her using it. Hide it and/or change the PIN no.

Why is it so hard for her to control her money and pay back what she owes you? I assume she has a job?

Earns the same as me but has far more outgoings (borrowed money from her grandma, car finance, higher phone bills)

jennihen

Oh dear - been here, had this done to me. My life was hell cos of ex-partner - someone had to sit me down and spell it out to me that I was responsible for allowing this to happen me so what was I going to do about?
I asked the ex to leave until he could sort himself out - he latched on to someone else in weeks - leopards never change their spots!!!
THEFT is THEFT even if its by someone you know(and love) and even if they are sorry afterwards.
I think you deserve to be treated better that this. Sorry if this is harsh and whatever you do I hope you get it sorted.

Morgan_Ree

angeleeyes wrote: »

There's always an excuse.

I text her asking about the transactions.

"I had left my card at work, yours was nearby and I used my own card at the Chinese".

Not according to my bank.

Another issue, I lent her £200 holiday spending money, she took my other card to Magaluf in July with her friends and withdrew an additional £300 withouit telling me, saying she was going to pay it back on payday.

It's now October and not a penny.

!!!! sake, what am I doing

do you have a thumb print on your head?

You seriously need to get rid of her now!! She's nothing but a leech quite clearly bleeding you dry!

spykey_uk

So to get the situation straight, she gets you in this debt, and keeps you there (and actually gets you in more debt) without any intention of ever paying you back (or at least no actions to back up the words) and thinks that's ok? I'm afraid to say it, but it sounds like she is taking you for a ride!

angeleeyes wrote: »

Hi all...

I bailed my partner out of a sticky car finance situation 2 years ago and wrote this off, it was around £2000. Since then, she has borrowed money off me which now amounts to £2500.

Every month I check my bank statements, I can see my card has been used locally, paying for her nights out with friends and cash withdrawals near her work. It's not a joint account so she obviously takes the card.

I couldn't end the relationship, and she's a lovely girl, but it's killing me.

Note, I've tried everything. Softly softly, tough love. Last resort is telling her dad (who would be very embarrassed as he is very good with money and transfer the money to me asap if he knew).

Just taken some highlights out of your first post and you can see it for yourself. She's stealing your card to spend money, and won't act on your help when you try to give it.

I'd tell her dad if it were me - if she wants to act like a child then treat her like one.

And it sounds to me that you'd rather she was an ex by the way your posts come across, and it certainly sounds like you'd be better off that way.

Sorry if that's come across as harsh, but I think you need to stop letting her get away with this!

Take care hun x

grastgirl

Morgan_Ree wrote: »

If I were you I wouldn't cut the cards up, I would change the pin and not mention it until she attempts to use it to pay for something

The humiliation of it (especially if it's infront of her mates who will be used to her splashing YOUR cash) would be too much

This might be just what she needs. Every new post of yours paints a worse picture than the one before. Only you know whether she's using you or not, but I'd say she is.

talana

Don't be soft on her, show some balls! Read the riot act, give her an ultimatum etc.
Yes, cancel your cards, change your pins or whatever and in future make it clear to her that she's not getting them.
Then get her to set up the standing order one way or another. If she's lost the password/pin for setting it up online, well this can be resolved dead easy.

You say she's a lovely person, but lovely people don't go squandering other people's money

angeleeyes

Seriously, this is the only issue in our relationship, I couldn't break up with someone because they have no understanding of money.

She has suggested in the past that all her wages go into my account, I then work it all out (I have countless excel spreadsheets) and then basically transfer the £x spending money she has (Petrol, days out, food shopping).

spykey_uk

I'd also add the reason I'm in debt is because of an ex who never paid his way and used to steal from me - please don't go down the same route...I'm still trying to pay it back years later. One of my friend's girlfriends has done the same for years (been given his card to buy things for his kid with another woman and goes off on a spending spree) and they're now having to move back with parents because she's got them in so much debt.

Stop this before it gets out of control. And talana's right, lovely girlfriend's don't steal!