Please help, partner spending my cash!

angeleeyes

sarahs999 wrote: »

I may have missed this, but does your girlfriend work?

Yep, up until recently she earned more than me.

sarahs999

Does that mean your salary has increased, or hers has gone down?

Wow, she earnt more than you and she still spent on your accounts? Shame on her.

angeleeyes

sarahs999 wrote: »

Does that mean your salary has increased, or hers has gone down?

Wow, she earnt more than you and she still spent on your accounts? Shame on her.

I got a payrise My work is currently in my favour as half of my team have handed in their notice, which in turn means stress levels and workload will increase for myself and manager. The company have stated they will not be employing anyone further so there's a good grounds for a pay rise (I'm not claiming to be indispensable, but they word-for-word told me I would be the last to go if ever anything happened).

Never know, 10months might become 9!

Looking in depth on ways to up my income now, will be using the relevant boards for that though! Mrs Angeleeyes will also be willing to gain an additional income but we both don't want to do bar work etcetc. Deal with that though once finances are sorted/being sorted

biggaz26

I havent red through the whole thread but got the gist of it. Good luck sorting it out but seriously dude...if she does it again..two words...GET RID!

Hopefully it wont come to that...you are a far more forgiving man than me and fair play to you for that.

G

schueys_girl

I coudl get over the odd thing over money...but reading this whole thing...she has repeatedly lied to you...... "oh the chinese was from my bank account" well not what it says on your statement!?!?!

What the hell is that?! She has lied and lied to you and she is asking you where her ring is?!?!!?

I hope you sort it out but please be careful! xx

carolinosourus

angeleeyes wrote: »

We know each others pin numbers, it's just common sense when you;re filling up with petrol or I ask her to grab some cash for me.

As for setting up the standing order, supposedly she 'lost the pin computer thing' you need to set it up online (Nationwide).

Did I make a huge mistake writing that £2,000 off early in our relationship?

1. How would she react if you did what she was doing in terms of "borrowing" your card and spending on it?

2. Shows how responsible she is!

3. Yes. She saw that you were a mug and has taken you for it...

shellstar

Hello, I've just read your thread and I just wanted to let you know about my parents experience, in case it helps. I do understand though, that you are not my parents and your relationship is different.

My parents have been married for 35 years. My mum earns much more than my Dad (her £24K, him £9K as a taxi driver). My mum is in £40K debt - all of it in her name, most of it spent by my dad, except £3K when the boiler broke. Mum pays all household bills and mortgage. Dad sometimes pays for food.

Anyway - Dad does what your girlfriend did. He used to steal from the account, and found many ways to do it, including saving the details online in the memory and on PayPal. In the last two years, Mum has 3 times found he's stolen money - £800 - £300 each time. This isn't in one go - it's him buying take-out, buying hobby things, buying this and that. He's stolen smaller amounts as well, but she says they don't count as they are smaller.

Anyway, I could go on forever I'm sure you can tell - their problems with money have done significant damage to me (I'm irrationally petrified of debt and hardly ever buy myself anything) but for all that this is my Dad's fault - my Mum is not blameless.

My Dad has a serious problem, for which he has failed to take responsibility. Whilst they are still married, their relationship has no trust (on her part), it's effected them in every way and the only reason they are together is because my mum has no back bone (I love my Dad, I don't want to see him on his own, but she should have left YEARS ago).

Anyway, the reason that my mum is not blameless, is that she has enabled his behaviour. She has allowed him not to confront it, she has always taken the responsibility of sorting out his financial messes. I'm sorry - but you are doing the same.

I believe that you can save your relationship with honesty, but whilst you can guide her, she must do these things. She must work out what she spends on things for herself (she'll take it in better) and work out her own budget, with you just for support.

And my mum has asked me on many occassion that next time, she'll leave, and if she doesn't, I'll make her. She needs to take responsibility for her own relationship, and so do you. You're friend can't end it for you, it's not fair of you to ask him to (by getting him to remind you???). It's your relationship and your responsibility.

I realise the above sounds really harsh, and I honestly don't mean it to, but you are at a cross roads, and I just wanted to let you know that you can sleep walk down the wrong path. Be careful - I wish you both luck, I hope you have hte strength to help your girlfriend, that she has the strength to change, and that you have the strength to end your relationship (by yourself) if the time comes.

Best wishes.

hannahjayne2407

Does she know how much it upsets you? I'm sure she loves you if she wants to marry you - maybe she doesn't realise how serious you feel about this? I know how you feel - I've been on both sides of the coin x

elfen

Can I give another tale of woe? (well, maybe more than one in my case)

With my first serious boyfriend, we got a joint cc (i was additional cardholder) We used it to pay off a few things (mainly his, I didn't want anything except a new mobile which was cheap then - this was in 2001) and kept on paying it off, me all the time thinking what I gave him going towards paying off stuff we had enjoyed together. What I found out three months later is that he had been using it every single day to buy crates of beer (he worked at an offy) which he would drink, by himself, in under 2 days. He turned into an alcoholic, and I left him. He also bought me things with credit (which I didn't ask for, didn't really want or need) and tried to get me to sign a driving license form without my knowledge, which would give him the ability to get things in my name. I subsequently dumped him, after which he lost his job after being made manager for theft (think it was a round a grand or just over that went missing) and I have barely heard from or of him since (I used to go out clubbing with his little sis, we were quite good friends and worked together)

A few years later (just before my breakdown and my later diagnosis of MH disorders - this was a sign I see now) I went out with someone else, who ended up moving in with me. He was unemployed, so I was having to do an extra one or two shifts (usually 14 hour shifts as a supervisor - so around an extra £250 a week) a week to pay for the increase in rent and bills, and also to pay his spends. He got a job, which I paid for the kit for, then a week later, he upped and left, taking my watch worth over £100 (which I didn't wear to work, as working with people with challenging behaviour I didn't want to hurt them or break it, and had a smaller, cheaper watch for this) I later found out this young man lied to all and sundry about me, saying he had to work to pay for me (when it was in fact me who had the job, and who paid for everything) And I never saw my watch.

I learnt my lesson. Me and my OH have our own money (we live at his parents, and our rent is paid seperately by each of us - he earns more, he pays more - which is fair) and debts are seperate and paid for by each of us (mine I am finally sorting out after having nearly two years of not being able to do anything - doing it by post takes the strain off, and they don't mind doing it if it helps keep them in your good books) . He doesn't know my PIN, I don't know his. I did up my OD to pay for a holiday, but he has paid his half back, and this will be lowered when SFE get their finger out and sort out my account.

The message is : Keep it seperate. DO NOT give your partner PINs or internet access. If you make a joint purchase and one pays, then the other sets up an SO to pay it back.

angeleeyes

hannahjayne2407 wrote: »

Does she know how much it upsets you? I'm sure she loves you if she wants to marry you - maybe she doesn't realise how serious you feel about this? I know how you feel - I've been on both sides of the coin x

I think she's now realised yes, but sadly had to tell her I can't take her word for it, actions speak louder than words and all that.

Think I'll update this in a few weeks, and if all well, maybe again at some point in the near future

Thanks to everyone's input and advice, taken on board!