Mothers leaving their children

sunshine_shell

So the fathers and mother who work for the Army, Navy and RAF are selfish and choose their career over their children? I would have been so proud of my mum if she had done something like that! She gave up a great career for us kids and is now stuck in a dead end job that she hates. I would do anything to see her happy in her work, if that means her being away for 5 months and we get to visit her that would be fine.... aged 6, 16 or 26

RoxieW

sidi29 wrote: »

Roxie, thanks so much for sharing your experiences. Everything you say has struck a real chord with me. I will probably still change my mind a few more times, but it really helps to hear from someone who has done it, and to hear that it all worked out for both you and your family.

Thanks to all the other posters too, it is really helpful to hear others opinions and experiences.

I'm glad it helps. I did in fact turn down the job initially but then a friend (actually a friend of my husbands which made it carry more weight really as he wasn't being a friend to me but being impartial iyswim) said to me 'roxie, you cant let this opportunity go by you.' Think of how many people would kill for your opportunity?? When we become mothers it is as if that is all you are/ever will be. Being a mother doesnt define you. If you were a man then no one would bat an eyelid! There has to be a balance of course - which i found better when i was parttime but this is only for 5mths and how exciting for them to be able to visit you in NYC!!
Some will say you are damaging your kids - but who's to say they wont be proud of their mum? Who's to say it wont instill a work ethic in them, a respect for women, provide a good role model and prove that dreams are attainable? you're opening the world up for them
I grew up on a council estate with a mum who didnt want to work. I was embarrassed of my background and missed out on many opportunities - school trips/clubs etc. It singled me out as different and I hated it.

Mojisola

bestpud wrote: »

It's five months, not weeks...

But the children will be visiting her during that time and she is intending to come back for a few weekends, so it won't be months that they are without their Mum.

It's obviously a very personal choice. If the OP believed that Mums should never leave their children's sides while they are growing up, she wouldn't even be considering the option of working away.

Dave_liverpool

Mojisola wrote: »

The father spend two years working away from home. The OP is only talking about a few weeks. Who is the most committed parent?

its NOT a competition!

My brother used to be in the forces and spent a long time away but it made him no less commited than my sil. Actually they did similar when he left, she was the 1st to get a job after he left the Army and she went on a few work courses that were held here in the UK and overseas and he was left 'holding the baby'.

So maybe he is in the lead now:rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

how have the children settled in their new home / schools?

I ask because we moved when ours were 7, 9 and 12. DS1 and DS2 were fine, but it took DS3 a very long time to 'settle', and that surprised me because he was the one I'd worried least about.

So obviously I wouldn't have wanted to do anything like this in our situation, because I don't think it would have helped DS3.

Even now I think if you asked him where he was from he'd say where he was born rather than where he's lived for the last 10 years!

But if they're all fine and settled, it's a different matter.

When you do have to make the decision by, and when would this start?

sidi29

updated original post

mrcow

Sidi - trust me, you are very far from the worst mother in the world!

Oout of interest, how did you cope with missing your children? Did you just keep in contact by normal telehone etc?

sidi29

mrcow wrote: »

Sidi - trust me, you are very far from the worst mother in the world!

Oout of interest, how did you cope with missing your children? Did you just keep in contact by normal telehone etc?

We mainly stayed in touch via phonecalls, the hardest part of that was the time difference, I longed to speak to them after a long day at work but by then it was the middle of the night for them! The older two love getting emails and I sent a few parcels with candy!

I guess keeping busy kept me from missing them too horribly, I worked very long hours, and there was also plenty to keep me occupied in the evenings and weekends. they too had a great time and were spoilt by all those around them!

bestpud

Glad it worked out ok. I guess the children know what it was like now if you need to do it again.

Has the distance helped your marriage at all - absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that?

I'm just being nosy btw and you don't have to answer if you don't want!

sidi29

things didn't improve immediately, but I think things are better generally between us.