Mothers leaving their children

silvercar

Age old conundrum: career or family.

Personally, I wouldn't do it in a million years, your children are only children for a short time.

busiscoming2 wrote: »

Only you will know if it is the right thing to do, you know how your children will react. You say your marriage is on its last legs, if you go to New York, come back and subsequently split with your husband, would he want to have the children live with him. Would he have a good case (if it went to court) because you had quite happily left them in his care for 5 months? Think carefully.

Totally agree with this. If you go and your marriage breaks up, you could well end up losing your children.

whitewing

silvercar wrote: »

Age old conundrum: career or family.

Personally, I wouldn't do it in a million years, your children are only children for a short time.



Totally agree with this. If you go and your marriage breaks up, you could well end up losing your children.

Could you go and take your children?

There was a thread similar to this a few months ago from the husband's point of view - may be worth digging that out as some of the points raised were very good.

LJM

at the end of the day you would be leaving them with their dad and not strangers,and as you said you would see them regularly and speak to them.as long as you have thought it out properly then do what you think is best.in the long run i would imagine an opportunity like this doesnt come around that often and you wouldnt as i said before be leaving them with strangers they would still have their home,school,dad there so not all the routine would cause a huge upheavel

bestpud

How old are your children? School age could be anything from 4 - 16...

If you were in a stable marriage and the children were well settled then I'd say go for it, if you were happy to.

However, you children have recently been moved away from all they know (except you and your OH) and your marriage is on the rocks.

I feel for the children tbh. They've had to adjust to a new area, new friends, school etc, then their mum takes off for 5 months, and at some point after that their parents separate.

You aren't really going to force all that on them in the space of a few months/year, are you?

Personally, I couldn't do it anyway, but with all the other stuff going on I think you are being selfish - sorry! It's only my opinion so feel free to ignore it if you wish though.

And btw, before someone mentions gender differences, I'd say the same if it were the father wanting to go away. It's about the whole set up for me, not just the mother leaving her children.

Mojisola

We've been in the same situation but with my husband having to work away. We had moved so that the eldest could start school where we intended to live but my OH had to carry on working for several months back where we used to live. He was home every weekend but every fortnight isn't that much different. It's a short term arrangement and you can see the finish before you start so that makes it easier to manage. The previous thread was about a two year contract which would be much harder to deal with.

You say the children can be with you during the school holidays. During that time, what arrangements can you make for childcare? I assume you will need to work while they are with you.

I think it's a wonderful opportunity for you and your familly. You can be in daily contact with your kids and OH through Sykpe. You will all miss each other but it's not for long.

It's possible that you and your OH having some time away from each other could change your feelings - absence could make the heart grow fonder, or you may realise you don't want to go back into the relationship. If you stay at home, you may regret the lost opportunity and that certainly won't help the relationship.

DKLS

As a side point, I was brought up by a single Mother, who due to her work often had to travel away for periods from 2 weeks to 3 months.
I had and still have the upmost respect and admiration for what she did to support me through the years. It wasnt always easy, but I also learnt many useful lessons in that time, which I can only thank her for as that experience helped mould me into the person I am today.


There have been a number of threads on here about Mothers who there kids have left home and they are lost because they have lost their identity and sense of purpose as they have been stay at home mums, from my viewpoint its vital that you look after your own needs as well as the children's and husbands, often its a difficult juggling act but worthwhile in the long run.

gingin_2

Is there no way they could go with you? It would be a pretty amazing adventure for the children assuming you could sort their education whilst you are away. OH's company once discussed the same move with him and there was no way he was going to New York without me (and the kids!). At the end of the day it never happened.

I also think it depends on your dynamic in the house. I couldn't leave my children purely because i have always been their main carer while OH concentrates on his career. I have a close bond with my children and I know it would disturb them if I went away, but if you share things 50/50 or greater, it might be different.

Pee

Do you really think that you would be able to see them every 2 - 3 weeks?
Ideally they should come and stay with you, so that they can share some of the opportunity.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go, other than what it would look like to the court on a subsequent residence hearing.

I hope the break makes you feel happier and brings you and your OH closer again.

woody01

So you leave the UK for a few months for an 'experience' and leave your children here to 'maybe' visit you occassionally.

This sounds pretty selfish tbh.

Broken_hearted

woody01 wrote: »

So you leave the UK for a few months for an 'experience' and leave your children here to 'maybe' visit you occassionally.

This sounds pretty selfish tbh.

What utter rubbish, she is working not going for a nice holiday. Chilren need a mother who is still a person themselves not a shell full of regrets for giving up opertunities.


As other posters have said no-one would complain if it was a male, my DH used to work away when eldest son was a toddler, it has not harmed my son.