Mothers leaving their children

Janepig

chinatown wrote: »

Well that depends on the courts when they battle for the kids.

The words "cart", "before" and "horse" spring to mind.

Jxx

newlifeahead

Hi Sidi29

When I read your post I had to reply. 2 years ago I went to work in India for 3 weeks. My kids were younger than yours at the time. DS1 was 6 and DS2 was only 2.

I had never done anything like this before, but it was a once in a lifetime offer for me. It was one of the best experiences I had ever had.

I went out there on my own so I learnt new experiences and it helped to build my confidence. I had split up with the kids dad a couple of years before. The kids were looked after in my home by their dad and when he wasn't able to look after them due to work my parents took over. I called home every day and spoke to my son either before he went to school or before bedtime.

I must admit that towards the end I reallly missed seeing them but I knew that it wasn't forever.

Kids are really good at coping with a lot of things, my son would tell everyone that his mommy was teaching in India. He would ask questions about the type of people I was with. One of his school friends was also visiting his family in India the same time I was there. My son kept telling me to look out for him and and have I seen him yet.:rotfl::rotfl:

During the 2nd week I was working away my younger son went away on holiday with my Dad (he was taking my grandmother on holiday) So I was in one country, ds2 was in another and ds1 was in England.

That same year during the summer holidays we all went on a big family holiday to Disneyworld and the kids had the best time ever. It was more for them than me but I loved it too.

My son still talks about me working away and he loves to travel and stay in hotels. It has helped to open his mind to all kinds of things and he is now interested in working abroad when he is older just like mommy.:D

When I look back at it now if I had not gone then I would now be thinking what if. Kids are still alive and very healthy. 5 months is much longer but your kids are older.

Have you talked to your kids about how they feel you going over there? They may be ok with it. I would make sure that they spend sometime with you over there during school holidays, what child wouldn't love going away?

I really don't think you should worry about the kids being taken from you because of this. People can get too scared of doing things these days (myself included) this stops us from doing all kids of things and then we end up doing nothing and being bored with life.

It is your decision but I would say go for it, you will be back in no time at all. Make sure your arrange to get you kids to visit you over there. Enjoy it. Life is too short.

This really isn't a terrible thing to do at all. I would really love to know if you do decide to go....Good luck to you

Really sorry to everyone for the long post ...., got carried away.

deedee71

Speaking from bitter experience, even the most useless father can end up with custody. Especially if he and the kids are firmly settled in the family home and you are left out in the cold.

Don't do it.

Focus on your marriage or if that's a no go, on a separation. This is a time for your children to come first, and yourself way way down the list.

clairibel

Everyones different and what we each value as important others do not.

From reading your posts i think you know your answer, but lifes about experiences and which ever way you go, just see it as that, an experience...don't regret your decision as you did what you thought was right at the time and thats all's we can do, but if you eventually feel your choice is a mistake..learn from it

Good luck.

Mojisola

The father spend two years working away from home. The OP is only talking about a few weeks. Who is the most committed parent?

pelirocco

woody01 wrote: »

So you leave the UK for a few months for an 'experience' and leave your children here to 'maybe' visit you occassionally.

This sounds pretty selfish tbh.

Where did the OP say maybe ? , I really dont get this idea that she is selfish ,shes only WORKING away for a few months . Tbh its more selfish to think we are the be all and end all in our childrens lives

bestpud

Mojisola wrote: »

The father spend two years working away from home. The OP is only talking about a few weeks. Who is the most committed parent?

It's five months, not weeks...

Not as long as two years, granted, but was everything else in their life stable at that point?

domestic_goddess

Mojisola wrote: »

The father spend two years working away from home. The OP is only talking about a few weeks. Who is the most committed parent?

She is talking about five months not just a few weeks....

It sounds like a really good opportunity but personally, there is no way that I would leave my kids for anything like that length of time.

I know that I will probably get shot down for this but I think when you have kids, you commit to being there for them, especially when you have said how unsettled things are already. I know that you need to keep your own identity and do things for yourself but I genuinely think that leaving them for such a long time is wrong....

Also, are your company paying the costs of all of the visits every two to three weeks as it sounds like more than you would usually get paid for and would add up to a tidy sum. Especially if they were all coming to visit you a couple of times as well as you coming back here.

Would you get there and then be too busy settling in and working to come back for these visits and TBH even a visit once every two weeks is not enough for children of that age.

Sorry but just my opinion.

woody01

Broken_hearted wrote: »

What utter rubbish, she is working not going for a nice holiday. Chilren need a mother who is still a person themselves not a shell full of regrets for giving up opertunities.


As other posters have said no-one would complain if it was a male, my DH used to work away when eldest son was a toddler, it has not harmed my son.

If you say so, but it seems that you haven't read any of this so it's your post that is in fact rubbish.
You have your opinion and i have mine.

If you bothered to read the OP, this is what she was looking for.

I also think you will find, it was labelled as an 'EXPERIENCE'.

Try reading rather than just wading in first and you may gain a credible existence

silvercar

My worry would be that your children will look back on the time that their mother chose her career over them. This isn't about mothers having their own identity or even their own career, it is about their mother choosing to live on the otherside of the world, without them, to pursue an opportunity.

Skype does not make up for the mother not being at home for weeks on end.