Mothers leaving their children

sidi29

I have the opportunity of a short work contract in New York. My children are all school age and would stay at home with their father. I would be expected to go away for 5 months, obviously as it isn't too far away I would visit the children and they could come and see me. I would anticipate seeing them every two to three weeks. (some of these visits would be over the school holidays and therefore fairly long periods of time)

My question is has anyone else done this? it is a great opportunity for me, but it just doesn't sit right with me leaving my children for so long. Another motivating factor in my decision is that my marriage is on it's last legs, we are very amicable, but it is going nowhere and I really feel I need to do something for myself that doesn't involve my husband.

**UPDATE**

Hello everyone, I have finally got around to updating this post. I ended up going to New York for only 6 weeks. The children came with me for 2 and a half weeks. It seemed to work well, we missed each other dreadfully, but my husband got lots of support and their schools were fantastic. I am still working on the project from home, which may lead to a longer trip later this year, so I may well have the same dilemma again.

I would like to thank everyone for their input. I was quite surprised that the majority of people supported the idea of going, it certainly helped me make a decision, and not feel like the worst mother in the world for wanting to go. Thanks, S.

littleredhen

I don't have any experience but i do think life is too short not to do what you want to a certain degree
Could you do a list of pro's and cons and then that might help you see things more clearly

Surfbabe

If you were Male you would go for no matter what ! If your children have a loving home anyway (regardless of the situation with your marriage) and you know it is only short term - I'd say go. But as little redhen says - write a list of pros and cons

sidi29

Thanks for the replies. I didn't mention in my original post that we had recently moved. The kids are in new schools and nowhere near family anymore. I think this makes me nervous to leave them when everything is so new.

busiscoming2

Only you will know if it is the right thing to do, you know how your children will react. You say your marriage is on its last legs, if you go to New York, come back and subsequently split with your husband, would he want to have the children live with him. Would he have a good case (if it went to court) because you had quite happily left them in his care for 5 months? Think carefully.

whitewing

Handled correctly it could be an enriching period for all family members, and make each of you appreciate the others so much more. From Dad's point of view, even if the marriage is on its last legs, it should show that you still trust him around the children and that he'll still be very much part of their lives.

Handled incorrectly it could be disasterous. The children will cope well only if the adults around them are supportive.

DKLS

I would go for it, it sounds like a great opportunity, remember you fulfil a number of roles, wife, mother, sister/friend etc, but there is still a role for you and your needs, dont neglect them.

Kids will be fine, use Sykpe daily so they can see you, and if you are seeing them every 2-3 weeks I cant see any harm being done.

Penny35_2

I think this is very much a personal choice only you can make.

I dont envy you your decision, I personally could not leave them.

Hectors_House

DKLS wrote: »

I would go for it, it sounds like a great opportunity, remember you fulfil a number of roles, wife, mother, sister/friend etc, but there is still a role for you and your needs, dont neglect them.

Kids will be fine, use Sykpe daily so they can see you, and if you are seeing them every 2-3 weeks I cant see any harm being done.

+1

Good advise here, and as other posters have mentioned, if your relationship with your OH is still good enough that you trust him with the children they will have two great role models - especially seeing their Mum being a confident woman with goals of her own (plus they get trips to NY into the bargain! LOL!)

As someone else pointed out, if you were a man you'd be almost expected to not think twice about doing this to advance your career/opportunities and kids being as internet savvy as they are you will easily be able to keep in touch daily.

As mentioned above you need to consider the ramifications should you split with your OH but only you know what your feelings are towards each other in the respect.

faye6174

If you were in the Armed Forces you wouldn't have a choice, It is more common for Men to go away for long periods but it does happen to women aswell. Sounds like a fantastic opportunity!!

pinkshoes

If your marriage ended, would you be happy for him to be the custodial parent for the kids, and you see them at weekends?

If you're perfectly happy with that, then go. It sounds like you trust him 100%...

Perhaps some time apart will help your marriage?