My husband has really annoyed me

puddy

good for you, i havent even congratulated you, but i want to say, well done and you go and enjoy your life

but,,,, sorry,,, i cant help picking you up on things,,,, so what if his routine changed??? so what?? why does he have to be respected, or tiptoed around in this way

what difference does it make whether he is the main earner as to who takes time off to do the child care stuff. they are his children too arent they, he should be pleased to share in the child stuff, does he not want to know what happens at the hospital, or after school getting the pictures shown to him first? AND, i notice the little dig there from him, about him being the main earner, because what you earn and what you contribute from this silly little job is just nothing...

i do take the point that if he is on a half day that day, then seemingly it may not be practical, could he swap his day so that he works the pm, meaning he has the whole morning free with his son? (or is that the sanctified golf time?)

i would suggest to your employer that could you work the morning after to make up, or something like that, hopefully they will be flexible but as a two parent family you would think that they wouldnt have to be, that as a father he would see his responsibility to share in these tasks

but dont change the hospital appointment unless its something he will easily get in a quick timescale, your son's needs are the priority, regardless of the lack of support from his own father

do you ever go out on your own, with your own friends? do you go out as a couple with each other?

what do you feel are the positives about this relationship?

Pee

As a higher earner, his job may be more demanding, although if he didn't get to work until 11, presumably he could make up the time by staying until 3. Sometimes it's hard to be flexible depending on the nature of the work and what is happening that particular day, however it doesn't sound as though he is even trying to be flexible.

There are a lot of people on here who value the man of the house being the main breadwinner and allow them to stay at home with children. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem is he isn't listening to your opinion of what you want or of what the financial realities are.

Relate might be very beneficial as if he hears his views aloud, he might realise how unreasonable he is being.

alwaysworried_2

Oh it doesnt bother me if his routine is changed but it would bother him, but me taking this job wont affect his routine at all, after all I had to change my routine for him when he was going self employed.

with regards to the flexible hours, in my job I wont be able to do flexible hours with the childcare issue, and my husband job doesn offer him flexible hours either. So with regards to the hospital appointment, its a certain clinic my son has to go to and the appointment is always on a Friday, so, even if I change the appointment it will have to be on a Friday cos thats the day the clinic is on.

My sister has just been off the phone to me, and she is livid, about the way he has been. She thinks he needs to be brought down a peg or 2 and I have to agree.

Im not going to mention my job to him, im not going to show him the new clothes ive bought, im just going to go to my job on Tuesday and hopefully when he sees how happy I am, he will change his attitude.

We dont go out very much together because we dont have the money to do this!!!!! My closest friends work, so I dont see them that much either BUT I will from next week because I met my best friends through my work, so from next week I will see them 3 days a week every day, and this is why Im soo happy.
Im so lonely during the day with no one to talk to except my youngest so getting to see my friends 3 days a week is pure bliss to me. They have all texted or emailed me to say how happy they are that I will be coming back to work, ive even had emails from some of the other people in the office to say how happy they are that I will be coming back. I was in that job for 20 years and Im really really happy to be going back.

|I will come back on here next week after my first day and let you all know how I got on.

funky_snow

Read this - and really wanted to send you a big virtual 'hug'...
Well done on taking the job - I think its the right thing for you at this moment in time.
I think you've got some awkward things on the horizon that need to be dealt with - but in the meantime pat yourself on the back for standing up for yourself.

mrcow

alwaysworried wrote: »

I really do think its a status thing so that everyone thinks "oh hes got money cos his wife doesnt need to work".

Well he obviously doesn't "have money" as he need Tax Credits to supplement his income

Well done on getting your job. Enjoy it and do well at it. To be offered work from a previous employer like this is a big deal - you should be proud of yourself.

mrcow

alwaysworried wrote: »

He says he isnt taking our son to his hospital appointments because the appointment is at 10am, by the time he gets out from the appointment and by son back to school it will be 11 oclock and he finishes work that day at 1pm. He also says that as he is the main earner, there is no point in him taking the time off, it should be me because I earn less. Which is fair enough I can see his point there.

That is a big "no". He's not self employed anymore, does he not get paid leave?

Your job is just as important as his. It's got nothing to do with how much you earn. He can take take 1/2 a day's leave if he needs to, or if he's so important at work, he won't even need to do that - they'll just work aorund him.

beverleyhills

alwaysworried wrote: »

We dont go out very much together because we dont have the money to do this!!!!!.

He can afford to play golf.

Congratulations on the job. Enjoy.

barnaby-bear

alwaysworried wrote: »

By me taking this job it wont make any difference to my husbands day to day routine except on the Friday because he wont be able to play golf!!!!

Of course all golf courses only open for that specified 2 hour window on a friday.... and he can't derive any pleasure from playing at any other time.... :rolleyes:

Mojisola

You won't have children at home for ever. You will want to work then. If you don't work until then, you may find getting a job difficult. You will then be completely dependent on him. Don't let this happen.

If he really wants to keep to his Friday golfing - and if this is because it's when his particular friends meet up then it's understandable - then employ a childminder for a few hours. It doesn't matter that you'll be working and not increasing the family income. You want to work, that's reason enough.

Enjoy the job and take no notice of your OH and your Mum.

welshmoneylover

Congratulations on the job, and I really hope you enjoy working and discover yourself.