Please help want to split but husband wont move out

viktory

Thriftysaver wrote: »

Abuse is abuse. It doesn't have to be physical.

That's as maybe. However, you are rather missing the point that there is doubt that the OP is actually suffering any kind of abuse. Personally, I think she is bored and fed up with her husband and knows that the tax payer will support her and her children if she succeeds in forcing him out of the family home.

It has been suggested that no one on here should doubt the OP because it takes courage to admit that one is suffering abuse. I don't doubt that at all - however, I think it is equally damaging to trot out the abuse line when it is not true.

fatou256

viktory wrote: »

That's as maybe. However, you are rather missing the point that there is doubt that the OP is actually suffering any kind of abuse. Personally, I think she is bored and fed up with her husband and knows that the tax payer will support her and her children if she succeeds in forcing him out of the family home.

It has been suggested that no one on here should doubt the OP because it takes courage to admit that one is suffering abuse. I don't doubt that at all - however, I think it is equally damaging to trot out the abuse line when it is not true.

well she said it herself in her first post

" Another reason was that I always assumed I couldnt manage on my pwn as I have worked part time since having the kids and dont earn very much. I have put my details if I was to leave into entitled to and was very surprised to find out I may be ok."

if she was truly abused you would have though that her first point of call will be the safety of her children which lead me to her second quote

"but obviously the kids need their dad and their needs are absolutely paramount (though you could argue that if he cared THAT much he would have aboided it coming to this ... )"
this show truly that she may has some kind of personal grudge towards him but certainly not abuse !

truly the fact she mentioned that their kid need their dad show that he is not an abuser at all because if it was well she certainly will want to move away form such person again for safety !

gizmo111

truly the fact she mentioned that their kid need their dad show that he is not an abuser at all because if it was well she certainly will want to move away form such person again for safety !

Not neccassarily, not all abuse is unsafe for the children eg emotional or financial, all may be stuff they don't see. Just because he is abusing his wife doesn't always mean he will be a bad and dnagerous father. My aunty was abused for years but the children were treated totally different.

BeenieCat

It's very possible that her OH mentally abuses her but is still good with the kids.

fatou256

gizmo111 wrote: »

Not neccassarily, not all abuse is unsafe for the children eg emotional or financial, all may be stuff they don't see. Just because he is abusing his wife doesn't always mean he will be a bad and dnagerous father. My aunty was abused for years but the children were treated totally different.

i beg to differ on this one .... from personal experience , I have seen that even if kids are spared they will still be affected in some way by the abuse , sometimes it will show years later wether it is emotional, financial or even physical !

kids are very aware of what is happening in the home wether you are telling tell them or not what is happening , they can sense things.

fatou256

BeenieCat wrote: »

It's very possible that her OH mentally abuses her but is still good with the kids.

again if the her OH has mental health issue the kid will nto be oblivious to it as they are sign and symptom of such things and again will it be abuse ?

an abuser does it intentionally , though manipulation , control over soemone else. I could not say the same thing over a mentally ill person., this may be just the illness symptom showing and some of them will be really consciously aware of it until moments later ( aka psychotic symnptoms, dissociative state for example)

Kids do not live in a social vacuum they can and often do notice /see things than adult are not even aware of .

BeenieCat

It's easy to see it so black and white when you're not in the midst of it.

If it's subtle abuse, you hardly even know it's happening to you, and it's easy to think it's not affecting anyone but you, especially as kids are hardy and wouldn't show it.

Julieg

Hi, I would see a solicitor if I were you. A lot of them do the first half hour free. Explain to the solicitor and see if the abuse is bad enough to get an injuction. It might be worth keeping a diary to show him/her so they can tell you if it's considered abuse.

fatou256

BeenieCat wrote: »

It's easy to see it so black and white when you're not in the midst of it.

If it's subtle abuse, you hardly even know it's happening to you, and it's easy to think it's not affecting anyone but you, especially as kids are hardy and wouldn't show it.

again subtle abuse or not it is about one thing control and manipulation on their victim ! By the way i have been in the midst of it too many often !

one of the result is lack of self esteem , depression and so on .... but the comment form the OP suggest otherwise.

bestpud

lucysmum wrote: »

Viktory I can see that you clearly have some issue with me (maybe something that happened to you I dont know) but frankly you seem to be aggressing me and I wanted a point in the right direction not grief. For your information I wish to leave my husband for years of domestic abuse which my children are now old enpugh to be affected by.

We bought this house together when we first got together before he started drinking and abusing me. And by the way he spends all his income on on drink so what little I do get goes on the bills and the kids.

He has not spent 'years of hard work' paying for this house - I have spent years trying to keep my family together and I cant take it any more.

In response to the last few posts:

The OP says herself the children are affected by the abuse...

Further, she states in the OP she is only seriously thinking about leaving now she knows she can claim enough benefits to get by.

Sorry, but I'd want out asap, and if that meant leaving him in the house then so be it.

The OP is financially motivated. Nothing wrong with that of course, but best to be open about it imo.