Husband wants bike we just cant afford!

cheepskate_2

Wkdwill wrote: »

I dont know what im supposed to say to him anymore.

Get a job, would be a start.

Tell him once he has a job he can save for a bike, like the rest of us have to.

You have the children to think of, if he wont then I would be telling him in no uncertain terms to buck up his ideas or show him the door.

If you don't sort this out, your son will end up like dad and your daughter will end up being walked all over by her partner, as this is what they are seeing from their home envioroment.

shelley_crow

I can't believe what I have just read, you must have the patience of a saint. If my OH had acted as your had he would have been out on his ear, I can't imagine putting up with such a selfish and self involved individual.

Your husband prioritises buying a lump of metal over buying a bed for his own child.

Your husband is willing to endanger his wife and children by driving on tyres that could cause a serious accident, god forbid you and your children are in the car in the even of such an incident. I had a tyre replaced on my car recently and it cost a mere £25, for the peace of mind that brings when I drive my son around I would pay it ten times over if I had to.

Your husband needs to grow the hell up and fast, whether with or without you. Please don't allow him to compromise your safety and security any more than he already has. Any parent who prioritises buying a motorbike over necessities like rent, food and beds for their family is a sheer and utter disgrace. I can understand how this is distressing for you but I would suggest putting your foot down and telling him straight and in no uncertain terms. Good luck.

PasturesNew

Start applying for jobs yourself and say you will see if you can get a job and then bring money in so he can have his bike ... of course he'll have to look after the kids when you go out to work full-time... and sound all chirpy and upbeat about it. You don't have to get one, just make him think you will. It'll make him see things differently.

Get all excited and pretend to focus on it 100%

floss2

BTW, if the car is being driven on illegal tyres, that can invalidate your insurance which apart from being illegal in itself could make the financial cost of any potential accident huge as there will be bills for ambulance, repairs to any other vehicles, fines, cost of reparing any other damage etc etc.

tsstss7

Op if it comes to it and he does get the bike you don't need to leave the house to be seperated from him. Tell him you are no longer a family unit, move into a spare bedroom (or the kids room if you have to) and tell the dss/ tax credits agencies that you have split and want to claim as a single parent.

Don't forget though in order for this to be legit you must live as seperate people so no more doing his washing, cooking him meals ...you get the picture. You see how long he continues to make payments to his mate when he is living on £65.00 single persons jsa!

the_cat

I'm so sorry that this pig has put you in this position, especially when you have just given birth

Only you can decide if this relationship is worth saving. It doesn't seem to have any redeeming qualities to me, but it's not my call to make. As for him refusing to leave and not letting your have the kids, he is just trying to bully you into submission. He sounds more like an immature 16 year old throwing a strop, than a man with whom to make a life together with atm.If he doesn't want to spend a couple of hours with his kids, he is hardly likely to be serious about full time care

On a practical level, try to distance yourself from him financially as much as possible while you decide on your future. Change all the benefits you can to a new bank account that only you have access to. He may shout and scream but who cares, you need to protect yourself and your small children.

buxtonrabbitgreen

I was just thinking. With both of you out of work, you could sell the car then he could get to interviews and jobs quite cheaply on a bike. And it is a lot cheaper to run than a car. You could do your shopping online if you have difficulty getting to the shops with 2 little ones.
Maybe then he wouldn't feel so bogged down. It is a lot to cope with 2 kids at your ages. Especially when you have no spare cash Also could you ask on freecycle for the things your kids need. Sometimes folks will deliver is you ask nicely. They do for my sister who has no transport.
Would the car sell for enough to pay for the bike?

Coveredinbees!!!!

As a father of a 7 week old baby all I can say is if he's any kind of a dad he wouldn't have time to ride a bike anyway. I had a weeks holiday to help my wife out and didn't even get time to cut the grass let alone do anything for my self!!

minnie123

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

I was just thinking. With both of you out of work, you could sell the car then he could get to interviews and jobs quite cheaply on a bike. And it is a lot cheaper to run than a car. You could do your shopping online if you have difficulty getting to the shops with 2 little ones.
Maybe then he wouldn't feel so bogged down. It is a lot to cope with 2 kids at your ages. Especially when you have no spare cash Also could you ask on freecycle for the things your kids need. Sometimes folks will deliver is you ask nicely. They do for my sister who has no transport.
Would the car sell for enough to pay for the bike?

I'm assuming the OP has no bike licence so she would have to pay for lessons, the theory and practical test for a bike. She would also have to buy protective gear and a helmet which are not cheap - Also she may not want to ride a bike.

A bike can not transport two children either.

OP your husband is unbelievably selfish - the money thing aside bikes are quite a selfish hobby - he will be goin out on the bike instead of spending time with his kids - he should be at home helping you with a 2 week old and looking for a job. He needs to grow up.

Wkdwill

Coveredinbees!!!! wrote: »

As a father of a 7 week old baby all I can say is if he's any kind of a dad he wouldn't have time to ride a bike anyway. I had a weeks holiday to help my wife out and didn't even get time to cut the grass let alone do anything for my self!!

I wish that was the case here, before I had the baby, he promised he wouldn't be going to his mates so often and that he would be helping me out, he was great for the first 2 days but by day 3 he was off out to his mates.

On saturday he was gardening for his aunt all morning, came home at 1 to take me to emergency doctors as DS was ill, brought us home then went out to his mates to play with his bike for 5 hours, then when he did get home, had the cheek to fall asleep on the sofa.

We try to take it in turns during the night for feeds but as DS wont settle after a feed I usually have to take over to get him settled (and then be up for the next feed) as DH isnt patient enough.

He always has to be out, he cant stand being in the house, all you hear is "Im bored" "what can we do" blah blah blah blah blah.