Husband wants bike we just cant afford!

Savvy_Sue

Whose name is the tenancy agreement in? And who's the landlord, social landlord or private?

If it's a social landlord, talking to your housing officer about your rights would be very worthwhile.

If you have joint bank accounts, get yourself one in your own name and transfer as much income to that as you possible can, even if it's going straight out again.

If you do go down the route of living apart within your current property, don't subsidise his lifestyle, someone's got to prioritise those children and it's not going to be him by the looks of things!

seven-day-weekend

JoeyG wrote: »

How is he getting bored with kids to look after?

I can't believe some of the things I'm reading in this thread.... did you not have an inkling what he was like before you had kids with him?

Because it's boring looking after kids.

Nevertheless he is a grown man with responsibilities he is not meeting. Has the OP ever sat him down and told him that she finds it 'boring' as well, but it has to be done? Does he know that they can't buy a mattress if he buys a bike? Or does he know and doesn't care? Does he have any inkling of his responsibilities as a father?

If he won't change I think the OP is probably better off being single (and that is not a thing I say lightly).

ailuro2

jenhug wrote: »

I doubt that a man like this will change, you need to decide if you can live your life like this? I wouldn't be prepared to.

I agree with most of that comment - this isn't a real man though, it's a boy.....

a real man would never leave his kids to go without - and especially in biker culture, the guys usually look after their "property" (sorry if that offends you - but we've all seen the waistcoats of the biking culture)

Next time you see one of the other biker wives - especially a more mature one who has had kids herself , mention it to her, and see if word will get back to him that way. Maybe you can shame him into growing some real cojones instead of a waster of a mate calling him a f@nny - ignore the wife all he wants if he thinks it makes him look tough, but no, you don't lett the little ones want for the basics.:rolleyes:


Maybe someone could phone the local constabulary and report the bald tyres?:whistle: Use a phone box, or do it online so it can't be traced.Seems extreme, but you need the tyres anyway,and it might stop him getting the bike if he's given a week to replace the tyres (sometimes they do that)

Depends on how hard you want to try with him to see if he'll get back in line.
Sometimes it's easier to walk away, and I do doubt he'd keep the kids - ask any absent father - the courts vote in favour of mothers in most cases.

Bennifred

ailuro2 wrote: »

.........................Sometimes it's easier to walk away, and I do doubt he'd keep the kids - ask any absent father - the courts vote in favour of mothers in most cases.

......and he doesn't want to look after them now! :mad: He really wouldn't want to look after them on his own.............

JoeyG

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Because it's boring looking after kids.

Nevertheless he is a grown man with responsibilities he is not meeting. Has the OP ever sat him down and told him that she finds it 'boring' as well, but it has to be done? Does he know that they can't buy a mattress if he buys a bike? Or does he know and doesn't care? Does he have any inkling of his responsibilities as a father?

If he won't change I think the OP is probably better off being single (and that is not a thing I say lightly).

Of course she is!... and my post was in response to someone suggesting the OP could organise a day out to keep her OH occupied, whilst single-handedly looking after x number of kids!

Maybe she could fit in some voluntary work too :rolleyes:

Wkdwill

JoeyG wrote: »

How is he getting bored with kids to look after?

I can't believe some of the things I'm reading in this thread.... did you not have an inkling what he was like before you had kids with him?

He gets bored very easily, he could be watching something on tv that he likes and be bored, he just wants to be out all the time, cant stand being in the house, he moans he has nothing to do, when I tell him things that need doing he all of a sudden finds things to do away from the house.

He wasn't this bad before we had the kids, he was a bit lager orientated, as in we had to have money spare for lager or it was the end of the world, as ive said hes always been a bit of a moaner when it comes to wanting a bike but its only since his mate came back on the scene that hes gotten really bad, doesn't help when his mate is geering him on all the time.

Im just the evil wife apparently.

Wkdwill

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Whose name is the tenancy agreement in? And who's the landlord, social landlord or private?

If it's a social landlord, talking to your housing officer about your rights would be very worthwhile.

If you have joint bank accounts, get yourself one in your own name and transfer as much income to that as you possible can, even if it's going straight out again.

If you do go down the route of living apart within your current property, don't subsidise his lifestyle, someone's got to prioritise those children and it's not going to be him by the looks of things!

Its a council house and in both names.

We have seperate bank accounts anyway, joint accounts is something I never got round to and the Child Benefit and Tax Credits go straight into my account anyway.

I wish we could be apart within this house but its not big enough, its only a 2 bed and my daughters room is just a bit bigger than a box room, it would probably have to be the sofa, whenever we have argued before he has always refused to sleep anywhere other than "his bed".

Wkdwill

In all honesty I do feel its his friend thats made things worse he wasn't this bad before, he did spend a bit too much time away from the house but he did help out with DD, when I say this to DH he says that it has nothing to do with his mate and that he was always going to get a bike, which is true but in the future, he never made arrangements to buy one until now.

Not that im making excuses for him, even my mum believes his mate is a bad influence, but then DH is responsible for his own actions.

Pee

I haven't read all of the replies, but I think you should try Relate.

I suspect his friend will soon meet someone else and then be so busy with her he doesn't hassle your OH and looking at it from your OH's point of view, a bike is more economical than the car - could you manage as a family with a bike rather than a car? His priority now needs to be getting a job and supporting you as a family.

Dinah93

His friend is just the latest craze, he has not commited to family life. Can I ask if you planned to have children or does he feel trapped by them? Not that it excuses the behavious just might go some way towards explaining it. End of the day you can't force him to take responsibility and grow up, only he can do that. However I would go to his parents, list of what is due in hand, a copy of a letter showing the rent arrears most importantly (you don't seem worried about these, this is a BIG problem) and ask them to pay the money directly off these bills, and keep a roof over their grandchildrens heads. But this doesn't solve your root problem that hes not supportive, but it does solve the more practical issue of your family having somewhere to live.