Husband wants bike we just cant afford!

BeenieCat

Sounds like his immature friend is jealous of his family life that friend no longer has, and is encouraging him to be a moron.

Your OH is being extremely selfish, the bills, the cot and current car should come before the bike. It's not like you can all go for a day out on his bike when your car fails its MOT and you can't afford to get it back on the road.

Maybe you should pack your bags, do you think he realises how strongly you feel about it, really?

Bennifred

So sorry to hear what you are having to cope with, OP.

I'm afraid you OH sounds like the worst kind of selfish kid - he needs to grow up and face up to his responsibilities. Does he even help with the house/children etc - I'm guessing not, if he's hardly in the house?

I think I'd be telling him a few home truths - and I'd be talking frankly and freely to his parents, too! Maybe he'd pay some attention to them.....

If none of this worked - why would you want to stay with him? You might be better off both financially and emotionally without someone who obviously values his own wants above the welfare of his family. Perhaps get some advice from CAB about where you would stand if you did decide to go it alone - don't just accept that he "won't go/won't let you take children" - it's not his call!

Very best of luck!

Marcheline

I expect you've already tried these things, but have you had a proper sit down chat with him, where you have outlined your issues calmly? Does he know you are on the verge of leaving, have you said it when things aren't heated? Have you showed him the bills mounting up and saying that you just can't cope? Have you asked him in a nice quiet moment if he loves you? If he says yes, ask him if he wants to end up like his friend, with no wife? I don't know, I really sympathise with you.

floss2

Wkdwill wrote: »

.....Whats worse is the bike is actually more than our car cost and yet he keeps going on about having money spare if he gets it cos he wont be using as much on petrol, when I mention insurance he says it wont be much, he just wont get it in his head that we are struggling as it is.

Why not get some insurance quotes, find out what the MPG is for the bike & put it down in black & white for him to read?

Wkdwill wrote: »

.... he has also said he wont let me take the kids either.

If you went to a refuge he couldn't stop you - particularly if he was out at the time.

Wkdwill wrote: »

.... as far as he is concerned I am just being unreasonable.....

TBH, it is him who is being unreasonable - and unfair on his family. Have you been together for a while? Maybe he thinks he is missing out on "bachelor life" now his mate is single again...?

redpete

Wkdwill wrote: »

... the car needs 2 new tyres (they are actually bald, he would easily get 6 points if the police pulled him),

He could also get himself and any passengers killed when the car doesn't stop before it hits something hard.

Wkdwill

lynzpower wrote: »

Why is he not working

What are you recieving at the mo, IS?

He was working for an agency but the company he worked for cancelled the contract with the agency losing him his job and they had nothing else to offer him.

He is claiming JSA for both of us atm.

Wkdwill

floss2 wrote: »

Why not get some insurance quotes, find out what the MPG is for the bike & put it down in black & white for him to read?

TBH, it is him who is being unreasonable - and unfair on his family. Have you been together for a while? Maybe he thinks he is missing out on "bachelor life" now his mate is single again...?

I will try the insurance quote thing, but I dont know what bike it is.

We have been together 7 years, it was actually our 5th wedding anniversary on Friday but we spent the day arguing.

BeenieCat

Ahh the 7 year itch, Mr Wkd thinks he's missing something, not helped by his mate.

YOU need to show him who's boss!

jack*tigger

I would put together a spreadsheet of all the money that comes into the house.
And all that goes out of the house.
List all the outstanding bills - rent arrears etc - and all the things that you NEED to buy - tyres, cot, mattress etc.

Then you know where you are and he can see it too.

If he insists on getting the bike then maybe you need to insist he leave. Or maybe you get a job and he can stay home and look after the kids.

GotToChange

Everything else apart (which I totally sympathise with...), bald tyres mean more than the possibility of points on his (your?) licence. I hope that no-one goes on the motorway in this car - or anywhere at speed in fact; bald tyres can blow without any further reason than simply being driven on. If it is at 50mph hour or above, the consequences do not bear thinking about (i.e. on a motorway, would almost certainly spin into a barrier or another vehicle and then be hit by other vehicles who cannot stop in time). Shudder.

Please please please - get yourselves some help or have a serious talk or remove yourself from this nightmare relationship. Not only are you (and your children) not a priority to him, it seems as though you are not even on the list.

x