Husband wants bike we just cant afford!

MiniLaura

please do the list of costs etc against income - i have done this wiht my partner and it really hit home - he realised he could not afford what he wnted on his current income, im not sure yours would be so easily convinced but his parents may well be.

Id consider going down the line of making sure he doesnt have access to any joint funds except what hes entitled to ie do you claim jsa or is as a couple? Who gets paid the housing benefit etc? See if you can meet your basic living costs on your own to keep you and kids with what you need and just leave him to it with his own money - food etc! (if you are able to do this?)

my partner is games mad - im still working on it to make srue he pays all he needs to first before buying stuff, so i can understand a bit!

Hope you get something sorted out

Pee

Don't phone the police about the bald tyres, though. You could be opening many more problems than you want to.

redstararnie76

I'm skimming through, so apologies if I've missed something relevant.
I'm just adding my two pence worth.

My husband, before we were married and had a child, went through a very similar stage, and still occasionally has his moments.

I think a bike, to my husband at least, represents freedom, youth, lack of responsibilities etc. Everything opposite to the rest of his life.
As a result he often brings up 'oh I miss my bike. Perhaps if we sell the car I can buy another bike..' when things aren't going particularly well.

In fact, in the past, when I thought it would be ok, I agreed to him selling his bike to buy a car (his idea). Less than a year later, he ended up spending more money than we could afford at the time, because he really 'missed his bike'. The bike was more trouble than it was work and cost us a fortune! He was really apologetic and ended up selling it on for a considerable loss. Since then, when he has an occasional mutter about bikes, I remind him of this. And I've told him that we can afford for him to buy another one outright without us lacking something else, then I will have no problem with him getting another one. Fortunately, I really do believe that he has now grown up, and he agrees that he acted selfishly in the past.
It also helps that we now have a shared goal to pay off our debts and save for a deposit, and we are both committed to that happening. As a result, although he does occasionally think wistfully of the bike, he doesn't want to waste our savings.
Perhaps he needs something else to focus on?

Pee

If he was earning money I don't see why money couldn't be diverted to him having a motorbike but, as he is not working, it's completely inappropriate. It sounds like it would be a struggle if he was working, but then it would be up to him what he chose to do with money gifted from his parents.

Once he is working again, is it an option for you to work some evenings leaving him with the children so that you do have a bit more money to play with?

rachel6188

no advice just huge hugs hun xxx

everyone - if i remember rightly this lady has a 2 WEEK OLD BABY!!
i think getting a job atm would be to much for her.
xxx

Any

From what I understand the OP has only one car and 2 children...

As much as the bike "can" be more economical (not Honda CBR 600 or similar, that costs hundreds just in insurance and tyres for example), how would the OP ever go anywhere with a family? A family trip or shopping? Or visit friends or parents who do not live in walkable distance?

OP, I think he is feeling trapped too. What was his job before? Why is it so difficult to find a new one? Is he actually really looking or has he given up? I am just thinking that he might be depressed.

Normally I would say he is a looser, but you insist that he was "normal" before so I am thinking that something must have brought on this huge change.

Pee

Depending on where they live, if the car only needs to be used for OH going to work and there are plenty of buses, it might be an option, otherwise I agree, it's not going to be, but looks like they can't afford the car anyway, so maybe it's all a bit academic.

Wickedkitten

buxtonrabbitgreen wrote: »

I was just thinking. With both of you out of work, you could sell the car then he could get to interviews and jobs quite cheaply on a bike. And it is a lot cheaper to run than a car. You could do your shopping online if you have difficulty getting to the shops with 2 little ones.
Maybe then he wouldn't feel so bogged down. It is a lot to cope with 2 kids at your ages. Especially when you have no spare cash Also could you ask on freecycle for the things your kids need. Sometimes folks will deliver is you ask nicely. They do for my sister who has no transport.
Would the car sell for enough to pay for the bike?

Petrolwise it might be cheaper but when it comes to repairs and maintenance, it most definitely isn't. I wouldn't even say that petrol is that much cheaper considering you tend to go ou ttend to go out on Bikers Nights and Ride-Outs which you wouldn't do in a car.

Wkdwill wrote: »

No I dont, I have no intentions of ever getting on a motorbike, my dad had one when I was younger and was knocked off it by a taxi driver, he punctured both his lungs and a great uncle of mine died in a motorbike accident.

Whats worse is about about 5 miles away from where we live is a very popular bikers cafe, even without the bike he goes 2-3 times a month, what would he be like with a bike.

It isn't Ace Cafe is it? If it is, you should shame the hell out of him the next time that he goes down.

BeenieCat

Well i'm sure having the car improves his job prospects. Hate to sound sexist but if he's fit and well then HE should be the one getting a job for now, especially if OP is breastfeeding.

Yes i know she could express, etc, but it sounds like the household would fall apartt if he was left in charge :eek:

rachel6188

BeenieCat wrote: »

Well i'm sure having the car improves his job prospects. Hate to sound sexist but if he's fit and well then HE should be the one getting a job for now, especially if OP is breastfeeding.

Yes i know she could express, etc, but it sounds like the household would fall apartt if he was left in charge :eek:

could not agree more beenie.
op this must be so hard for you and not what you need right now. i want you to know people are here for you and do care.
take care of yourself and the babies hun.
rach xox