Husband wants bike we just cant afford!

Wkdwill

Im at the end of my tether now, im really considering leaving.


He used to have a motorbike, but he sold it to buy our first car which he wanted, ever since, he has had the occasional moan about wanting a bike again, ive always said once the kids are older and we are more financially stable that he could get one, but since an old mate of his has come back on the scene he has made arrangements to actually buy one from his mates dad, who is even saving it for him.


Now the thing is we have nothing, we are really struggling, he is out of work, were behind on the rent and other bills not to mention the debts we have and we have a 2 year old and a 2 week old to think about.


FIL is taking out a pension early and his mum has said that they are going to give us a couple hundred, hes mentioned using that to buy the bike and hes also mentioned borrowing it from his dad when his pension comes through and paying him back weekly. He just wont think at all, im really not lying about how things are for us, to top it off DD is in desperate need of a new mattress, we dont have a cot yet for Dylan, the car needs 2 new tyres (they are actually bald, he would easily get 6 points if the police pulled him), car needs other things too if its to pass the MOT.


Im more of a needs come before wants person, ive mentioned how unhappy I am and how unreasonable he is being, but he just says that ive always got everything ive ever wanted and hes never had anything, which is completely untrue, ive always made sure he has got the car hes wanted, I bought him all brand new bike gear when he did have the bike, I even gave him £250 a few years ago to buy himself a mini moto when I got some inheritance, which by the way the day he got the mini moto, his friend had a go on it, fell off and it never worked again and this is the same friend whos dad has the bike.


Im just sick of fighting over it, he has made his mind up, hes getting it whether I like it or not, whether we have the money for it or not.

Hes never in the house as it is, always at a friends/family members house, hates being at home, im actually expected to give him a good enough reason to stay at home or think of something we can do and if I cant he goes out, if he got the bike aswell we would barely see him at all.



I dont know what im supposed to say to him anymore.

aliasojo

Wkdwill wrote: »

I dont know what im supposed to say to him anymore.

How about 'goodbye'? :rolleyes:

Sorry, I'm really not meaning to be harsh but if you could read your post with fresh eyes as if you were an outsider reading it, I think you may wonder why you are together.

nickj_2

i would have thought for someone out of work the last thing you need is spending on luxury items - why don't you suggest that he gets a job 1st then gets a bike ..after all the other things have been paid for

lynzpower

Yeah exactly, He can get a JOB to pay for his expensive hobbies.

Shouldnt he be thinking how exactly little Dylan is going to get a cot?

Cant he sell the moto for parts or something he will make something.

This is the sound of a bloke who has hit the realisation hes now got 2 kids, and he has fallen down the pecking order in terms of who gets treats. TBH thats parenting for you. He should be man enough to know that parenting means going without.

To say that the dad can lok after the bike for a year or so till you are on your feet.

If he aint earning what does he think its going to get paid out of????

Wkdwill

nickj wrote: »

i would have thought for someone out of work the last thing you need is spending on luxury items - why don't you suggest that he gets a job 1st then gets a bike ..after all the other things have been paid for

I have tried this but he is adament he is getting it, he will gladly put off paying something to get what he wants, im the one who has to struggle to find the money to pay them, even when he is back in work our incomings wont be that much better off as we will have all the arrears to pay but he just thinks that we will have loads of money spare.

Whats worse is the bike is actually more than our car cost and yet he keeps going on about having money spare if he gets it cos he wont be using as much on petrol, when I mention insurance he says it wont be much, he just wont get it in his head that we are struggling as it is.

bunny999

Wkdwill wrote: »

Im at the end of my tether now, im really considering leaving.


He used to have a motorbike, but he sold it to buy our first car which he wanted, ever since, he has had the occasional moan about wanting a bike again, ive always said once the kids are older and we are more financially stable that he could get one, but since an old mate of his has come back on the scene he has made arrangements to actually buy one from his mates dad, who is even saving it for him.


Now the thing is we have nothing, we are really struggling, he is out of work, were behind on the rent and other bills not to mention the debts we have and we have a 2 year old and a 2 week old to think about.


FIL is taking out a pension early and his mum has said that they are going to give us a couple hundred, hes mentioned using that to buy the bike and hes also mentioned borrowing it from his dad when his pension comes through and paying him back weekly. He just wont think at all, im really not lying about how things are for us, to top it off DD is in desperate need of a new mattress, we dont have a cot yet for Dylan, the car needs 2 new tyres (they are actually bald, he would easily get 6 points if the police pulled him), car needs other things too if its to pass the MOT.


Im more of a needs come before wants person, ive mentioned how unhappy I am and how unreasonable he is being, but he just says that ive always got everything ive ever wanted and hes never had anything, which is completely untrue, ive always made sure he has got the car hes wanted, I bought him all brand new bike gear when he did have the bike, I even gave him £250 a few years ago to buy himself a mini moto when I got some inheritance, which by the way the day he got the mini moto, his friend had a go on it, fell off and it never worked again and this is the same friend whos dad has the bike.


Im just sick of fighting over it, he has made his mind up, hes getting it whether I like it or not, whether we have the money for it or not.

Hes never in the house as it is, always at a friends/family members house, hates being at home, im actually expected to give him a good enough reason to stay at home or think of something we can do and if I cant he goes out, if he got the bike aswell we would barely see him at all.



I dont know what im supposed to say to him anymore.

Not seeing him sounds like the best option - he sounds like a complete waste of space.

Wkdwill

I would love to be able to tell him to leave but after previous arguements he has made it clear that he wont leave, he has also said he wont let me take the kids either.

The only place I could possibly go would be to my mums but my brother and sister still live there and its only a 3 bed so theres no room.

We are only young, hes 26 im 25, so its not like he doesnt have much time left to get a bike, its just since his friend came back on the scene, he split up with his wife and now expects DH to do what he does and is texting him everyday to go down to his house, work on his bike etc etc etc, hes even sent a text to him saying "dont be a fanny, tell her who is boss" (no wonder his wife kicked him out).

Marcheline

I wouldn't leave him, he's being incredibly selfish yes, but I wouldn't break up a marriage over it yet. Could you try Relate, or some other form of marriage counselling? It might help him to see where you're coming from.

Do you get on with his parents? Could you tell them you're in dire straits and that he's earmarked the money they're going to give/lend to buy a bike (when their grandkids are in need of essentials!)? Or, if this is too forthright, then maybe you could say to them that instead of giving the money to you, that your son needs a new mattress and that you would appreciate if they got that for you instead?

Are you working yourself? I agree with lynzpower that he needs to get a job before he can buy a bike.

Wkdwill

Marcheline wrote: »

I wouldn't leave him, he's being incredibly selfish yes, but I wouldn't break up a marriage over it yet. Could you try Relate, or some other form of marriage counselling? It might help him to see where you're coming from.

Do you get on with his parents? Could you tell them you're in dire straits and that he's earmarked the money they're going to give/lend to buy a bike (when their grandkids are in need of essentials!)? Or, if this is too forthright, then maybe you could say to them that instead of giving the money to you, that your son needs a new mattress and that you would appreciate if they got that for you instead?

Are you working yourself? I agree with lynzpower that he needs to get a job before he can buy a bike.

Councilling is a big no no for him, he doesn't see that there is any problem, as far as he is concerned I am just being unreasonable.

I can talk to his parents, they know exactly what my thoughts are on the bike front and have said to him a few times "what do you want a bike for when you have the kids" but I dont think they would follow it through, although the asking them to buy the stuff is a good idea.

Im not working myself no, believe it or not my husband used to be great, he had a great job and said that when I had DD that he didnt want me to go back to work an he wanted me to stay at home with the kids, when he got ill last year, I did go out to work though until he was well enough to go back to work (it was a temp job I had).

ChrisCobra

Sounds like a perfect job For good old J Kyle , bye bye man.

What an idiot , with a kid as well , sheesh.

lynzpower

So why is he not working now?

Whats worse is the bike is actually more than our car cost and yet he keeps going on about having money spare if he gets it cos he wont be using as much on petrol, when I mention insurance he says it wont be much, he just wont get it in his head that we are struggling as it is.

Sounds like denial to me. This bike is a further denial feature - of course we can afford it its fine! ER NO ITS NOT.

I would be saying that the car has to be sold.

You caqnt get into debt can you. I would tell him that hecan have the bike once the car is sold. If he goes ahead and starts selling the car, Im afraid you have the answer you need.

I dont think he knows what hes on abvout about not moving out of the house! and keeping the kids! Does he want to keep the kids so he can get thier benefits, or what? Cant be about wanting the best for them as clearly, he would rather put a bike over his own childs bed????

Why is he not providing for his kids and wife

Why is he not working

What are you recieving at the mo, IS?