Husband has baby with other woman?

lynzpower

I would definately try and get some support too from your local sure start group. Indeed they will help and support you to keep safe. Has he ever been violent to you? Do you think he would be when you advise him fully - its over?

Sure start can also arrange supervised contact, certainly, any contact must be supervised I would not allow the child and him alone ( or worse, with someone who colludes with him) AT ALL

katiesmummy

cookie a year ago i was you. i adored my oh with a passion but i hated him too. he beat me, raped me, verbally abused me, stole from me, constantly accused me of cheating on him, cheated on me in numerous occasions and completely alienated me from the people who cared about me.

i had a baby with him believing that giving him the family he always wanted would make him change, make him love and respect me, but it didn't. he was in and out of prison several times for attacking me- each time more worse than the last but i always took him back. partially because i loved him and partially because i was scared to be alone with 2 kids by different dads.

i started doing drugs to cope with everything (thankfully it didnt develop into a habit). for a long time the only way i felt good was by sticking a rolled-up note in my nose and snorting a load of coke.

the final straw for me was when he attacked me while i was holding our baby- he broke my nose, fractured my jaw and gave me cauliflower ear. how i managed to keep hold of my son through the attack i will never know. my neighbours heard me screaming and called the police who made me go to hospital.

when i saw my little boy covered in my blood i knew i had to leave- he thought nothing of hitting me when i was holding his flesh and blood- how much of a reach would it be for him to start hitting the kids?

i left a week later and went into a women's refuge. it wasn't easy- i hated every minute in that place, and i wanted to go home with a passion- but i can honestly say that leaving him was the best thing i ever did.

i have regained a lot of confidence that i lost while we were together, the change in my children is amazing, and we have rebuilt our lives. i still have bad days when i miss him, and start wondering if things could change between us, but they are getting few & far between now.

please hun, you have to get out- for yourself and for your children. i have no doubt that if i hadn't left, i would have ended up dead- he would have killed me or i would have killed myself because i was so utterly miserable- i just didn't see it for a long time.

i know its been said a thousand times before, but once you leave, it does get easier- i promise. time is a great healer.

good luck to you hun

jenhug

Get rid, move away. He is an oxygen thief.

savvy

katiesmummy wrote: »

cookie a year ago i was you. i adored my oh with a passion but i hated him too. he beat me, raped me, verbally abused me, stole from me, constantly accused me of cheating on him, cheated on me in numerous occasions and completely alienated me from the people who cared about me.

i had a baby with him believing that giving him the family he always wanted would make him change, make him love and respect me, but it didn't. he was in and out of prison several times for attacking me- each time more worse than the last but i always took him back. partially because i loved him and partially because i was scared to be alone with 2 kids by different dads.

i started doing drugs to cope with everything (thankfully it didnt develop into a habit). for a long time the only way i felt good was by sticking a rolled-up note in my nose and snorting a load of coke.

the final straw for me was when he attacked me while i was holding our baby- he broke my nose, fractured my jaw and gave me cauliflower ear. how i managed to keep hold of my son through the attack i will never know. my neighbours heard me screaming and called the police who made me go to hospital.

when i saw my little boy covered in my blood i knew i had to leave- he thought nothing of hitting me when i was holding his flesh and blood- how much of a reach would it be for him to start hitting the kids?

i left a week later and went into a women's refuge. it wasn't easy- i hated every minute in that place, and i wanted to go home with a passion- but i can honestly say that leaving him was the best thing i ever did.

i have regained a lot of confidence that i lost while we were together, the change in my children is amazing, and we have rebuilt our lives. i still have bad days when i miss him, and start wondering if things could change between us, but they are getting few & far between now.

please hun, you have to get out- for yourself and for your children. i have no doubt that if i hadn't left, i would have ended up dead- he would have killed me or i would have killed myself because i was so utterly miserable- i just didn't see it for a long time.

i know its been said a thousand times before, but once you leave, it does get easier- i promise. time is a great healer.

good luck to you hun

His name wasn't Ian by any chance was it? :mad:

cookie - I haven't seen your op as you've strangely deleted it, but for god's sake at least read katiesmummy's and myothercarisaferrari's posts over and over and vow to never end up like this, I've been in exactly the same position as katiesmummy and she's right, once you make the break, it does become easier and more doors will open up for you.

The children won't realise what's really going on at the moment, but they will as they get older and will really thank you for it, they won't thank you for allowing them to go through hell with you.......if they survive it!

BeenieCat

savvy i didn't realise she'd deleted it, but lynz's post #4 should explain some of it

katiesmummy

savvy wrote: »

His name wasn't Ian by any chance was it? :mad:

cookie - I haven't seen your op as you've strangely deleted it, but for god's sake at least read katiesmummy's and myothercarisaferrari's posts over and over and vow to never end up like this, I've been in exactly the same position as katiesmummy and she's right, once you make the break, it does become easier and more doors will open up for you.

The children won't realise what's really going on at the moment, but they will as they get older and will really thank you for it, they won't thank you for allowing them to go through hell with you.......if they survive it!

no his name wasn't ian.

i hope the op reads all this, cos i wouldn't wish any of it on my worst enemy

BeenieCat

katiesmummy that's unbelievable what you've been through, and it's a disgrace how many people get away with this abuse.

I mean, go to the pub and clobber someone you're almost guaranteed a night in the cells, but mentally and physically abuse someone in their own home for years and nothing I know you said he went to prison but it obv didn't stop it happening

BitterAndTwisted

Having an animal like that in your life sapping your strength and self-esteem in the way your partner has is cruelty of the most despicable kind. He's completely and utterly amoral and unfeeling and there's no saving him, he's dirt.

Please, make a plan and get away from him, if not for your own sake but for the sake of your child. Just take one tiny step and that should give you the courage to take the next one, and then the next.

Life can be better and it will. Just take the first step. We're all here to cheer you on and to offer help and guidance if we can

myothercarisaferrari

kaitesmummy what a fighter you are x so glad things have got better for you and your children x:T

yoni_one

Cookie, you are living with domestic violence and abuse and his behaviour is not your fault.

No matter what he tells you, HE alone is responsible for how he deals with things.

You can get support from Women's Aid, they understand why some women do not want to leave the relationship do not judge women for making this choice. Our local refuge offers telephone, email and outreach support to women in your position, you do not even have to give your name.

The fact that you have turned to this forum indicates you seek some form of support, but doing so you run a risk as many people do not understand the wider implications of living in a relationship such as yours and so their responses may not be entirely helpful.

On the helpline telephone number in my signature you should be able to find out where your local service is, if you contact them ask for the Outreach service, you can also search for your local office on their website www.womensaid.org.uk

Another poster said that you don't need to go through this alone and you really really don't.

Take care x