Weekly Flylady Thread 14th September 2009

Mrs_Beatson

fedupandskint wrote: »

Glass of wine anyone? A glass of red for me tonight, anyone else fancy a free glass

This is how my life is now and feels how it is going to be forever

*sigh* once again I cant have you drinking alone, so I'll have to join you. just as long as you all know I wouldnt drink if it weren't for you lot!!!:rotfl:

Poor you!! Im sure it must feel like forever at the moment, but things will get better one way or another, they always do.

for now, chin up and try and find the positives in your life changes...

if you feel like a moan or a rant, you could Pm me/facebook me/anyway you like...if you want to

ETA excellent advice from greenbee there!! x


xxxx


I have just finished another load of ironing ( I can hear you all toppling over from disbelief :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:) had a wander round the house and made sure it's still tidy, Im like a sergeant major now!!!

I think it might be time to relax....


ahhhhhh

Mrs B xx

fedupandskint

greenbee wrote: »

That's a start, but how about other things that you couldn't do with him hanging about? Surfing in Morocco, swimming with dolphins in New Zealand, trekking to Macchu Picchu, learning to dive, doing a parachute jump...

... OK, so it doesn't have to be that drastic, but without OH you're not tied to home in the same way. Work to make it low-maintenance, then start spending your evenings at classes learning things you've always wanted to do and your weekends seeing friends or having adventures. Don't for a moment let him think he's left a hole in your life. Fill it with all the things you would have done if he hadn't been there taking up your time... if he made the last five years miserable, then start by celebrating. I know you may not feel like it, but if you pretend to yourself that its a good thing, eventually you might start believing it and behaving as if it has given you a whole lot more opportunities!

You can start by having a major declutter - anything with negative associations should be got rid of.

And also... if he's just stopped talking to you and hasn't actually finished things... you can always be the one to finish it. (Again, this is what happened to me.... communication got less and less frequent, and then I just didn't hear anything. Now when my ex contacts me I sometimes get back, sometimes don't... depending on whether I can be bothered/am interested...). It might make you feel better to draw a line under it rather than wait for him to decide one way or the other. And if he asks why, say because being with him makes you feel bad about yourself, which isn't how you want to be, so you're moving on.

If you've got any of his stuff around, I suggest you start packing it up!

Thanks sweetie!

I have decluttered for most of the last 12mths - in fact pretty much since I joined this site.

He has left a massive big hole in my life as being a libra I became attached to the other part of my scales and thought I had found my sole mate.
I feel so let down at the fact I paid half his mortgage for 10 yrs and then had to start again from scratch with no financial support from him at all and now in tons of debt.

Think I will enquire about the lovely dog I saw on the local dog rescue site as a pal for my other dog after our old dog passed away. He has a look of our old one in his eyes but looks nothing like him apart from being a terrier (not a staffie) and I like the thought of giving another unwanted dog a new home like my current one, he took a good year or so to settle in, but we are there more or less now. I found it good fun having 2 dogs and really miss it now

fedupandskint

Mrs_Beatson wrote: »

*sigh* once again I cant have you drinking alone, so I'll have to join you. just as long as you all know I wouldnt drink if it weren't for you lot!!!:rotfl:

Poor you!! Im sure it must feel like forever at the moment, but things will get better one way or another, they always do.

for now, chin up and try and find the positives in your life changes...

if you feel like a moan or a rant, you could Pm me/facebook me/anyway you like...if you want to

ETA excellent advice from greenbee there!! Mrs B xx

Thanks Mrs B, full of great advice as usual, would you like a glass of red my dear?

I feel a bit better now I have got this off my chest tonight with you. An outlet for it all.

Mum_on_a_mission_2

I'm having a glass of red too.

Must also be the night for mourning what might have been - DS's birthday today, and the fact he's an only is hard on DH & I today. An evening for lost dreams..

But tomorrow is another day and we'll celebrate our wonderful DS and look forward...as we try to do everyday. Life is for real - not a rehearsal.

Moam

who also resorts to extra ironing when stressed.

greenbee

fedupandskint wrote: »

Thanks sweetie!

I have decluttered for most of the last 12mths - in fact pretty much since I joined this site.

He has left a massive big hole in my life as being a libra I became attached to the other part of my scales and thought I had found my sole mate.
I feel so let down at the fact I paid half his mortgage for 10 yrs and then had to start again from scratch with no financial support from him at all and now in tons of debt.

Think I will enquire about the lovely dog I saw on the local dog rescue site as a pal for my other dog after our old dog passed away. He has a look of our old one in his eyes but looks nothing like him apart from being a terrier (not a staffie) and I like the thought of giving another unwanted dog a new home like my current one, he took a good year or so to settle in, but we are there more or less now. I found it good fun having 2 dogs and really miss it now

The dog sounds like a great idea. It'll certainly keep you busy too! Make sure you find time for friends and family too - maybe you can get them to help you out getting the work done on the house that you need doing. If they stay for a weekend they can help out for a day, be fed by you and then you can go out and do things on the second day (it sounds as if lots of walking will be on the agenda to keep your dog(s) happy!).

I actually need to start doing some of the things I did when my ex left, as I'm quite happy pottering about on my own but it isn't good for me!

I made sure that I had people over for a meal one evening a week (I had a regular fortnightly get together with a couple of friends, and sometimes other people joined us), that I went out one evening a week, that I went away one weekend a month and had people to stay one weekend a month. I'd have one weekend completely to myself, and the other try to make sure I did something sociable on at least one of the days. It was hard work getting it organised, but it was great.

It is hard being single and childless when all your friends are busy doing 'family' type things, so you may find that its easier to see them during the week for a trip to the cinema or a coffee/drink after work. And they'll probably expect you to go to them (why its supposed to be easier for single people to travel, when they don't have anyone to share the driving with etc, I have no idea!), but you have to make the effort and it will be worth it! Use the weekends to do things with single friends, or to go off and do stuff on your own where you might meet new people (walking holidays, volunteering at the dog rescue place, courses etc) if all your friends are busy. If there's no one around, make yourself go to a museum/art gallery/concert etc, so you're not just stuck at home with the TV and wine...

It's sad but true that the busier you are, the more interesting you are and the more people will want to spend time with you!

Thinking of which, if anyone wants to go to exhibitions in London and can't find anyone to go with, I'm always up for it! It makes me feel interesting & cultured And I have a friends ticket for the Royal Academy so can take one person in free

Suppose I should put the remains of my supper away, put the duvet cover on and go to bed. Lots to do tomorrow!

ETA - MOAM - if it helps, I can bring my ironing round, you're close enough In fact, I'll be working even closer to you than I was before... this could be a long-term arrangement I hope your DS has a wonderful birthday weekend.

Quillion

Hugs fedup its always hard to know a loved one is moving on and even worse when you feel like you have been left behind.
I def agree with what GB has said and i think the dog would be a good idea something to get you out and about who knows your true other half could be out walking the dog just waiting for you to join him.

The fact that your ex has treated you so bad then it's clear he was not the one for you.

Good for you striking out on your own with no financial support from him i understand that is so scary but hun you may be in debt but your not in debt to your ex oh.

Cheers to you i raise my glass (orange juice) you should be proud don't allow him to keep holding you down. You are a strong Independant woman. Look to the future and move away from the past. He certainly has xx

Dustykitten

Fedup - please don't look at it as 11 years wasted. It may not have ended where you wanted it to but I hope you was happy for some of that time. Can I be cheeky and ask how old you are? You have made great steps in getting your own home and whilst it stings like h£ll at the moment I think you know in your heart that it's time to start looking to the future and the great news is we're not going anywhere and will be with you every step of the way.

fedupandskint

You're a star greenbee - wish I lived near to London to meet up with you and go to the Academy for a nice change!

Mrs_Beatson

fedupandskint wrote: »

Thanks Mrs B, full of great advice as usual, would you like a glass of red my dear?

I feel a bit better now I have got this off my chest tonight with you. An outlet for it all.

I'll join you with a rose, thank you xxxx

ALWAYS good to have a rant & rage... I always find when I do I end up at the answer (of knowing what I should do) in the end!!!! kind of talk myself into/round to it!!:rotfl:

fedupandskint

Quillion wrote: »

Hugs fedup its always hard to know a loved one is moving on and even worse when you feel like you have been left behind.
I def agree with what GB has said and i think the dog would be a good idea something to get you out and about who knows your true other half could be out walking the dog just waiting for you to join him.

The fact that your ex has treated you so bad then it's clear he was not the one for you.

Good for you striking out on your own with no financial support from him i understand that is so scary but hun you may be in debt but your not in debt to your ex oh.

Cheers to you i raise my glass (orange juice) you should be proud don't allow him to keep holding you down. You are a strong Independant woman. Look to the future and move away from the past. He certainly has xx

Thank you Quills, I raise my glass to you too. I think I moulded myself to him too much rather than him to me. I am known as an independant woman by all who know me. Thanks for what you said - all good advice!

Dustykitten wrote: »

Fedup - please don't look at it as 11 years wasted. It may not have ended where you wanted it to but I hope you was happy for some of that time. Can I be cheeky and ask how old you are? You have made great steps in getting your own home and whilst it stings like h£ll at the moment I think you know in your heart that it's time to start looking to the future and the great news is we're not going anywhere and will be with you every step of the way.

I am 35 nearly the next one along from this, don't worry you're not cheeky at all.

All the flyladies are great on here esp tonight and at the weekend when we can chat. I love being part of this community - helps me keep the house clean and tidy and my mind and clean things better than I ever did before. Plus doing this week in week out means it doesn't take as long - thanks for all the spirit on here, friendliness, love and affection

I just lost it a bit during the last dance song on Strictly which just set me off. The sad songs at the end do this sometimes and it was unexpected today.