Keeping on top of housework when you're ill or in other times of crisis?

Savvy_sewing

whiteguineapig wrote: »

i am amazed that you wash your wheelie bin out
even me whos quite picky doesn't do this, if its messy leave the lid open when its nearly empty so it has a dry out but never wash it out

We have a company that comes around and cleans the bins after the council, with a jetcleaner. (Not sure how much they are now, as I dont use them, but in my old house i used to!).

charlies-aunt

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

doelani I am currently 35 weeks pregnant also and my partner rang to basically give me abuse yesterday to do.

Apparently my leash doesn't stretch that far to allow me to have that minuscule social life away from the brush and cleaning supplies! so he threw a hissy fit and stayed at his friends house last night.

According to boyfriend though I should be able to do all the housework, ).

Life is too short for this . . . seriously - you will look back to this time in 20 years time and think !!!!!!? You are young with a young family - get yourself out and about with the children and give them childhood memories of having fun together, playing together and spending time with friends. In years to come, your children will remember the picnics in the park feeding the ducks and strolling with you in the sun - they won't remember how spotless the house was.

There'll be plenty of time for housework when they are grown up and gone.

If keeping the house immaculate is so important to your partner, logically he ought to pitch in and help out . . . . if he won't help - its seems pretty obvious that the whole housework issue is just a stick to beat you with so he can control you...this is domestic violence - not in physical abuse but certainly mental cruelty.

As for throwing a hissy fit and staying out for the night . . aawww! diddums . . . . did he spit his dummy out and throw his toys out of the pram at the same time?

If you give in now and does as he wants you to do, you will be tacitly agreeing to a lifetime of domestic slavery...

Zazen999

You need to list all these things that you do and ditch the non-essentials.

Then, realistically - highlight the ones that you think are do-able during a working week. Then do those.

The rest need sharing out between the whole family.

A weekly rota that you print off with all tasks and if they aren't done; everyone gets short shrift on a friday evening/sat pm/sum pm and mucks in. Husband included.

cbrown372

Shirley Conran is more famous for having said life is too short to stuff a tomato. Don't sweat the small stuff is my motto.

anguk

charlies-aunt wrote: »

Life is too short for this . . . seriously - you will look back to this time in 20 years time and think !!!!!!? You are young with a young family - get yourself out and about with the children and give them childhood memories of having fun together, playing together and spending time with friends. In years to come, your children will remember the picnics in the park feeding the ducks and strolling with you in the sun - they won't remember how spotless the house was.

There'll be plenty of time for housework when they are grown up and gone.

If keeping the house immaculate is so important to your partner, logically he ought to pitch in and help out . . . . if he won't help - its seems pretty obvious that the whole housework issue is just a stick to beat you with so he can control you...this is domestic violence - not in physical abuse but certainly mental cruelty.

As for throwing a hissy fit and staying out for the night . . aawww! diddums . . . . did he spit his dummy out and throw his toys out of the pram at the same time?

If you give in now and does as he wants you to do, you will be tacitly agreeing to a lifetime of domestic slavery...

I completely agree.

Sammy I really don't know how you put up with it, what's going to happen when you've also got a newborn, are you going to be expected to do everything then too? You're 35 weeks pregnant, it's time to take things easy and you should be getting help around the house. In fact your partner should be treating you like a princess right now!

As for going off in a huff and staying overnight at a friends, he's either very childish or very manipulative. If I was a cynical person I would be wondering if he had deliberately started the arguement so he could go off for a boys night.

rosalie-lavender

charlies-aunt wrote: »

Life is too short for this . . . seriously - you will look back to this time in 20 years time and think !!!!!!? You are young with a young family - get yourself out and about with the children and give them childhood memories of having fun together, playing together and spending time with friends. In years to come, your children will remember the picnics in the park feeding the ducks and strolling with you in the sun - they won't remember how spotless the house was.

There'll be plenty of time for housework when they are grown up and gone.

If keeping the house immaculate is so important to your partner, logically he ought to pitch in and help out . . . . if he won't help - its seems pretty obvious that the whole housework issue is just a stick to beat you with so he can control you...this is domestic violence - not in physical abuse but certainly mental cruelty.

As for throwing a hissy fit and staying out for the night . . aawww! diddums . . . . did he spit his dummy out and throw his toys out of the pram at the same time?

If you give in now and does as he wants you to do, you will be tacitly agreeing to a lifetime of domestic slavery...

I am going to agree too. My OH was very similar to yours when our children were small. I was expected to be superwoman and keep the house clean, sort the garden and look after three young children with very little help. I was forever being criticised for not doing things he thought I should have done. It was what he grew up to, his mum waited on him and his dad hand and foot and that is what he expected of me. In fact she still would pander to his every whim now if she got the chance.

It was only when I put my foot down and stood up for myself that he gradually started to change his attitudes. The turning point for me was when our son started talking to me the same way his Dad was and I realised I would have four of them treating me like it if I didn't do something.

I do still do more than anyone else and this thread has made me realise I need to put my foot down again and get the kids and OH to do more than they do.

Perhaps it is time for all us hamster wheel ladies to unite and go on strike........or at least write a rota.

mary-op

originally posted by ali
PS - we have had cobwebs in the hall for months, I never clean behind the fridge, and the sofa hasn't been moved for hoovering in about 2 years!:o:) We are all only human.

It's not just me then................lol
Health issues with both me and OH have meant housework/garden has taken a back seat and we've only been able to do the absolute essentials. Luckily a young girl I know is out of work and quite happy to come and give a hand doing the things neither me not OH can do.
Finances restrict us having anyong professional to really do a thorough job but we're getting there with this bit of help.
Gets to be a case of 'if I can see it, I'll do it -if I can't then its not so important'......cos no-one else can see it either.

Hugs to all with health problems (((((((:))))))))

sammy_kaye18

charlies-aunt wrote: »

You are young with a young family - get yourself out and about with the children and give them childhood memories of having fun together, playing together and spending time with friends.


If keeping the house immaculate is so important to your partner, logically he ought to pitch in and help out . . . . if he won't help - its seems pretty obvious that the whole housework issue is just a stick to beat you with so he can control you...this is domestic violence - not in physical abuse but certainly mental cruelty.

charlies Aunt - well put! To me making memories at this precise moment with my son is my priority and ten joint memories with his baby sister will be my next.

As for him mucking in - I left my flat spotless last night to go on my 5 hour shift and came home to a plate his eldest son had used for birthday cake still in the middle of the floor at 4pm, his dirty t shirt on the sofa, dishes around the computer, an empty milk bottle on the side despite the bin being empty, and a plate half full of eaten cereal on the side, again despite the sink and bin being empty - I'm refusing to do it. OK granted all the toys were away but I think this was probably the kids being told to clean them up but he still could of managed those few measly dishes surely. So nope he can do/move/wash them himself (had the t shirt of been near the washing machine I'd of probably bunged it in with washing etc) but no putting my foot down and if he cant help me that little bit then tough bananas.

x x x

sammy_kaye18

anguk wrote: »

Sammy I really don't know how you put up with it, what's going to happen when you've also got a newborn, are you going to be expected to do everything then too? You're 35 weeks pregnant, it's time to take things easy and you should be getting help around the house. In fact your partner should be treating you like a princess right now!

As for going off in a huff and staying overnight at a friends, he's either very childish or very manipulative. If I was a cynical person I would be wondering if he had deliberately started the arguement so he could go off for a boys night.

I can probably 95% guarantee that it will be mummy doing most of the newborn looking after ang, with him doing a few cuddles here and there but the night feeds/feeds, baths, dressing etc will all be down to me exactly as they mostly were when Benji came along. My only hope is that I dont have a c section....................:eek: although in fairness at the minute, Benji (who turned 6 last week) is far more concerned about me and his baby Holly Bump than his father seems to be since we found out it was a girl.

I was speaking with my mother yesterday and said if I get no help with babe from him at all or it seems too much like hard work - or he throws a tantrum because of washing/dishes/whatever and decides to 'stay at a mates' again then it will definitely be a case of 'right well don't come back then'. As much as it would hurt to put 8 years away with him - its going to eventually be for the best for me and the kids.

Also the cynical bit - I did wonder myself actually if he was looking for a boys night out, although his friend who he stayed with has a partner and young step son and he isn't the type to not have a few cans of an evening so I suspect he had a few drinks at his house which annoyed me no end as last week I had a scare that my waters had broken 5 weeks early and when I was examined at the hospital they told me she is already head down and 3/5ths engaged which means she's literally turning up when she pleases now and I would have had been giving birth by myself, because chances are he'd of been out or over the limit, his mum had her 3 other grand kids and is where Benji is staying when I do pop as he calls it so she would of had kids ages 12, 8, and 2x6yo to look after, and her husband had had a few drinks.

It backfires on him though - because if he throws a hissy fit and strops off he expects 'i love you , i miss you' texts and he doesn't get that anymore - its more a case of I get some treats in, sort benji out and to bed, have a nice shower or bubble bath, pamper myself, film, and then a nice double bed to myself! bliss! :rotfl:

sammy_kaye18

rosalie-lavender wrote: »

I am going to agree too. My OH was very similar to yours when our children were small. I was expected to be superwoman and keep the house clean, sort the garden and look after three young children with very little help. I was forever being criticised for not doing things he thought I should have done. It was what he grew up to, his mum waited on him and his dad hand and foot and that is what he expected of me. In fact she still would pander to his every whim now if she got the chance.

It was only when I put my foot down and stood up for myself that he gradually started to change his attitudes. The turning point for me was when our son started talking to me the same way his Dad was and I realised I would have four of them treating me like it if I didn't do something.

Perhaps it is time for all us hamster wheel ladies to unite and go on strike........or at least write a rota.

Rosalie - I can empathise there too - his mother still waits on him hand and foot, caters to his every whim etc and he's 31 next month. She is very much used as a door mat by him and her daughter in fact. In a sense me and her seem very a like in that she hates confrontations too and bottles it all up until she explodes which is not healthy for anyone

My son has done this a few times and spoken to me like his father does but a quick word soon rectified that and he's never done it since like I said he seems more the man of the house in the cuddles/kisses/compassionate sense than his father by miles. His step son use to speak to me like ....... all the time but not sure if that was him copying his father or his mothers input - I'm the wicked step mother i think. Ben actually changed that though in the summer holidays last year. Had step son dumped on me for a week without warning and decided it was nice so wanted to take them to the beach and step son was being horrible so said he could go to his nanna's then and I would take Ben, so step son threw a massive tantrum (he was 8 then mind) whilst I was on the phone and Ben turned to him and said 'well if you weren't a nasty person to her then my mummy would do nice things with you too'. :T never had a problem since.