Wife had to take time off work to care for sick Daughter

Oldernotwiser

inspector_monkfish wrote: »

not in education the way i imagine you were....

you appear to be quite a heartless being, with no idea what it can possibly be like to be put in our situation, or the situations the other poster mentioned

Having been off work many months recovering from cancer and now being the carer for my husband who's in the later stages of COPD I'm well aware of the problems of family illness! Difference is I didn't expect my doctor to misuse his powers so that either of us to get "sick" leave to look after the other one!

Don't misjudge other people's ethical standards by your own - some of us don't believe in manipulating the system for our own ends.

MrsE_2

fishingcinema wrote: »

To the op and his wife
i hope that your little girl is doing well and makes a full recovery soon

as for all the harsh, heartless, just damn right nasty replies put yourself in the op familys shoes for a moment they are obveiously a working family that has had there little girl ill and needeing an op im sure they did not want this to happen.
Its not exactly if his wife sat there one nigh and said oh i cant be ar*ed to work anymore but how can i get paid full wages and not work i know daughter fall in need an op

as op pointed out they already use child care but obveiously they feel that they would rather care for there daughter whist she is still recovering wich she obveiously is by only being able to return to school part time

i think the whole situiation has probably been a very stressful time for the whole family and they probably want nothing more than for there lives to return to normality but things get thrown at you and you have to deal with them as best you can im sure they did not think they would come on here for advice only to be moaned at
come on people have a heart

drum roll the abuse at me ................................................................

Well said:T
I think there are a few people on here with very sour grapes towards the public sector;)

AsknAnswer

I never picked up on the post that suggested childcare - but just to point out that this is another thing the law is clear on - a childminder cannot look after a sick child because of all the implications it brings. If the child's illness is contagious there is the risk of cross infection and if the child's illness is, as in this case not contagious but she is clearly unwell, her immune system will be somewhat lower than normal leaving her as a target for catching illnesses which will set her recovery back even further. In a childcare setting, the risk of contracting illness is higher than any other as children's immume systems are not fully developed, and it goes without saying that they bring everything home from school. Not to mention the germs mum would bring home, working in such an environment. In addition, caring for a sick child implicates severely on the level of care the caregiver is capable of providing to other children. Childminders, salt of the earth though some of them are, are not nursemaids and their insurance would not cover them for this.

To the OP - you have mentioned that your daughter requires specialised care, and the carer needs to be trained in providing that care. I assume this means your daughter requires the use of medical aids? If her condition is that severe, you should look at applying for Disability living allowance for her, and carers allowance for your wife if the DLA is granted (Carers Allowance will not be granted without DLA) as it requires a linking benefit). I would also advise your wife to look at whether her employers could offer her the option of an unpaid "career break", whilst she concentrates on delivering the care your daughter requires to get well again - a lot of public services have policies regarding this.

inspector_monkfish

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Having been off work many months recovering from cancer and now being the carer for my husband who's in the later stages of COPD I'm well aware of the problems of family illness! Difference is I didn't expect my doctor to misuse his powers so that either of us to get "sick" leave to look after the other one!

Don't misjudge other people's ethical standards by your own - some of us don't believe in manipulating the system for our own ends.

As i said before. Heartless. (and i'll add bitter to that now.)

i wish you and your husband well.

inspector_monkfish

AsknAnswer wrote: »

I never picked up on the post that suggested childcare - but just to point out that this is another thing the law is clear on - a childminder cannot look after a sick child because of all the implications it brings. If the child's illness is contagious there is the risk of cross infection and if the child's illness is, as in this case not contagious but she is clearly unwell, her immune system will be somewhat lower than normal leaving her as a target for catching illnesses which will set her recovery back even further. In a childcare setting, the risk of contracting illness is higher than any other as children's immume systems are not fully developed, and it goes without saying that they bring everything home from school. Not to mention the germs mum would bring home, working in such an environment. In addition, caring for a sick child implicates severely on the level of care the caregiver is capable of providing to other children. Childminders, salt of the earth though some of them are, are not nursemaids and their insurance would not cover them for this.

To the OP - you have mentioned that your daughter requires specialised care, and the carer needs to be trained in providing that care. I assume this means your daughter requires the use of medical aids? If her condition is that severe, you should look at applying for Disability living allowance for her, and carers allowance for your wife if the DLA is granted (Carers Allowance will not be granted without DLA) as it requires a linking benefit). I would also advise your wife to look at whether her employers could offer her the option of an unpaid "career break", whilst she concentrates on delivering the care your daughter requires to get well again - a lot of public services have policies regarding this.

thanks for advice - the wheels are in motion on that already

inspector_monkfish

fishingcinema wrote: »

To the op and his wife
i hope that your little girl is doing well and makes a full recovery soon

as for all the harsh, heartless, just damn right nasty replies put yourself in the op familys shoes for a moment they are obveiously a working family that has had there little girl ill and needeing an op im sure they did not want this to happen.
Its not exactly if his wife sat there one nigh and said oh i cant be ar*ed to work anymore but how can i get paid full wages and not work i know daughter fall in need an op

as op pointed out they already use child care but obveiously they feel that they would rather care for there daughter whist she is still recovering wich she obveiously is by only being able to return to school part time

i think the whole situiation has probably been a very stressful time for the whole family and they probably want nothing more than for there lives to return to normality but things get thrown at you and you have to deal with them as best you can im sure they did not think they would come on here for advice only to be moaned at
come on people have a heart

drum roll the abuse at me ................................................................

thank-you for your kind words

bestpud

inspector_monkfish wrote: »

you really are quite nasty aren't you

You are taking this way too personally and there is no need to insult people!

What ONW says is correct, whether you like it or not.

It is not being 'nasty' to state fact.

If your wife is suffering from stress then that is what should be on the doctors note, and that is a valid reason for a sick note to be issued.

To the person who said GPs are not qualified to assess whether someone should be working: no, they may not be, but they are able to assess if someone is ill, and clearly the OP's wife is not! Therefore they have no right to take it upon themselves to issue sick notes so she can care for her dd.

But, actually, this is a very good reason why GPs should not issue sick notes, as it is open to abuse.

This is not about the public sector paying sick pay or not; that is just clouding the real issue here! They are obliged to accept a sick note, and that is what they have done. They probably don't realise the GP has misused his powers.

But anyway, OP, you may be struggling, and I understand that, but you are out of order telling someone they are 'nasty' and 'heartless' when all they are doing is stating the facts. Stressed as you may be, you are in a far better position than many would be at this point in time; many would have already been minus one wage for several months! So chill out and stop attacking the messengers!

I hope your dd recovers soon though and it sounds as though your wife's employer will help her all they can, so it should work out ok.

AsknAnswer

If your wife is signed off on a Med 3, as having an illness herself - such as stress or whatever, again check the employers policies. Some employers allow a graduated return, usually called "part time on medical grounds", which would allow her to work the two days per week whilst in reciept of company sick pay or statutory sick pay. However, be aware of what I said about the med 3 before. By law it does not entitle someone to time off if the employer chooses not to accept it. And again, part time medical grounds is not law, it is a policy that some companies choose to offer.

Some companies also offer unpaid: extra parental leave, compassionate leave, carers leave and dependent leave. Have a look at them.

Also, have you looked at the local authority? (Specifically Social Work)? They are not all there to "take children away" but to offer support, advice and put you in touch with organisations which can all help with the situation.

inspector_monkfish

AsknAnswer wrote: »

If your wife is signed off on a Med 3, as having an illness herself - such as stress or whatever, again check the employers policies. Some employers allow a graduated return, usually called "part time on medical grounds", which would allow her to work the two days per week whilst in reciept of company sick pay or statutory sick pay. However, be aware of what I said about the med 3 before. By law it does not entitle someone to time off if the employer chooses not to accept it. And again, part time medical grounds is not law, it is a policy that some companies choose to offer.

Some companies also offer unpaid: extra parental leave, compassionate leave, carers leave and dependent leave. Have a look at them.

Also, have you looked at the local authority? (Specifically Social Work)? They are not all there to "take children away" but to offer support, advice and put you in touch with organisations which can all help with the situation.

thanks once again, will certainly check those avenues out

inspector_monkfish

bestpud wrote: »

You are taking this way too personally and there is no need to insult people!

What ONW says is correct, whether you like it or not.

It is not being 'nasty' to state fact.

If your wife is suffering from stress then that is what should be on the doctors note, and that is a valid reason for a sick note to be issued.

To the person who said GPs are not qualified to assess whether someone should be working: no, they may not be, but they are able to assess if someone is ill, and clearly the OP's wife is not! Therefore they have no right to take it upon themselves to issue sick notes so she can care for her dd.

But, actually, this is a very good reason why GPs should not issue sick notes, as it is open to abuse.

This is not about the public sector paying sick pay or not; that is just clouding the real issue here! They are obliged to accept a sick note, and that is what they have done. They probably don't realise the GP has misused his powers.

But anyway, OP, you may be struggling, and I understand that, but you are out of order telling someone they are 'nasty' and 'heartless' when all they are doing is stating the facts. Stressed as you may be, you are in a far better position than many would be at this point in time; many would have already been minus one wage for several months! So chill out and stop attacking the messengers!

I hope your dd recovers soon though and it sounds as though your wife's employer will help her all they can, so it should work out ok.

sorry, but if they are entitled to their opinions, then i am surely entitled to mine

thank-you for your kind words