I am fed up with doing all of the cleaning cooking and washing...

1sttimer_2

boopydoo wrote: »

I completely feel for you. My OH was the most mollycoddled boy ever- his mum does absolutely everything for him.

This was the case for my OH. Which is why he is like he is today! I didn't help by letting him continue in some part this way - but that's what we thought was the right thing to do when we got wed over 30 years ago!

My late MIL used to come into our house whilst we were out at work and then she told me that I'd done this or that wrong (don't hang jumpers on a coathanger was one thing I remember!) and when his shirts frayed at the collar, both my OH and MIL said that they'd lasted for the previous 10+ years and I must have done something wrong for them to fray!!! :eek:

When we moved to our 2nd home (after 2 1/2 years) she DID NOT get a key!

Any

1sttimer wrote: »

My late MIL used to come into our house whilst we were out at work and then she told me that I'd done this or that wrong (don't hang jumpers on a coathanger was one thing I remember!) and when his shirts frayed at the collar, both my OH and MIL said that they'd lasted for the previous 10+ years and I must have done something wrong for them to fray!!! :eek:

OMG!!!:eek: He would be out faster then you can say "mummyyyyyyyyy......."

badkitti

Before we got married, my other half never did any wahing up and the rows were very tiring.

So I made him a deal - he paid me to do it. Worked for us!

Perhaps charge him and lodger so much per week for cleaning and cooking. If you're doing it/going to end up doing it anyways then at least get paid for it.

princess_loki

a BIG thank you to everyone on this thread for making me feel like i deserve something better . i have been working in another town all week and what with various things happening i have not been able to access the internet.

lodger does cook his own meals and do his own washing which i ommited to say in my earlier posts but he will leave washing on the airer or washing line until i take it off and fold it for him. he will also leave washing up until i put it in the dishwasher and will not clean anything as mentioned in earlier post...

what most upsets me is that even with limited time i try and make sure everything is done - if i wasn't there what on earth would happen???????

i have had awful news this week - oh had been feeling unwell and went to doctors on thursday and they think he has had a stroke. he has been admitted to the hospital and they think that he has had a series of mini strokes - maybe this was why he has been so nasty to me for the past few weeks...

so... cat is still ill and requires tablets and liquid meds twice a day, oh is in hospital and wants me to visit and take essentials to him and i am left here with mess that i did not make and just want to sit with my poorly cat.

i feel so wound up with stress that i want to pop and have just poured a huge glass of wine hoping that it will help me sleep.

sorry for the rant

loki x

BitterAndTwisted

Once you've finished sipping that nice half pint of wine start making a list of chores for the lodger to get started on over the weekend while you spend time with your OH at the hospital. I do hope he's going to be OK

joflo_2

Also, try to stop worrying if the toaster has a few crumbs, or the oven doesn't get cleaned every week. Some of the list that you said you do seems that you are worrying about the house being very clean. Some men need a schedule as they do not see what needs doing ever. Suggest that he can be supportive and give him a list of things to do to help you.

I hope your OH is better soon.

ailuro2

Ranting gets you nothing except a label over your head that says NAG!

OK, so OH is in hospital, so he will be needing extra care.

Now's the time to get the cleaner in, as you won't be there often enough to do it all yourself.

Tell the lodger he/she needs to pay extra every week to cover the cost of a cleaner as they have proved they cannot do the simplest of tasks.

Get him an airer for his own room, let him hang his clothes up in there.

If things are left in the sink instead of being put in the dishwasher then leave them for the cleaner.

I agree a toaster doesn't need decrumbed once a week, and ovens get cleaned when they need it , so you do need to back off a little here.

Hope your OH gets better soon.

yoni_one

boopydoo wrote: »

My OH was the most mollycoddled boy ever- his mum does absolutely everything for him. He's 24 and she still packs his bag for him if he's going away and -wait for it- when she irons his shirts she buttons them up bar the top two so that he can just pull it over his head in the mornings.

1sttimer wrote: »

This was the case for my OH. Which is why he is like he is today! I didn't help by letting him continue in some part this way - but that's what we thought was the right thing to do when we got wed over 30 years ago!

That's right, blame the women in his life for his bad / lazy behaviour and it will continue until it finally dawns on us that that approach just excuses and validates it. :rolleyes:

It does not matter one hoot what a mother does for her adult son, it is HE who allows it to continue or not, it is HE who decides how he will behave in his relationship and HE is responsible for what HE does or does not do.

Mothers / partners are only responsible for enabling it (or not), how he chooses to behave is entirely his call.

Mojisola

Best wishes for you and your OH.

princess_loki wrote: »

lodger does cook his own meals and do his own washing which i ommited to say in my earlier posts but he will leave washing on the airer or washing line until i take it off and fold it for him. he will also leave washing up until i put it in the dishwasher and will not clean anything as mentioned in earlier post...

Why are you taking it off and folding it? If you need the airer - or the space where the airer is - stuff his washing in a bin bag. While you keep sorting things out, he's never going to do it for himself. Start the extra rent straight away and get a cleaner in. You've got too much on your hands to worry about the house.

Really think about the relationship you and your OH have. If you'd rather sit at home with your poorly cat than at the hospital with your OH, is he really the one for you?

BitterAndTwisted

Mojisola wrote: »

Really think about the relationship you and your OH have. If you'd rather sit at home with your poorly cat than at the hospital with your OH, is he really the one for you?

I agree with everything else you said but I do think that was unnecessarily harsh: the OP posted at nearly 10pm last night, a long time after visiting hours at most hospitals ends fro the day.

I agree totally with the suggestion that now is exactly the right time to be increasing rents and employing a cleaner as well as giving the lodger a schedule for a share of the chores.