I am fed up with doing all of the cleaning cooking and washing...

Susan_Frost

Keep the cat, kick out the other two.

You and your boyfriend just dont seem compatable, so why waste the time and energy on him.

Lodger, well, enough said, he does not even need to be there. They both seem to treat it as a student let, not a home. And where you do actually fit in to all this, while they are playing computer games ?

Get rid, then get in one or two lodgers who are nice, decent people. Pay a cleaner anyway, it will give the place a good once over each week. It can focus people into "tidying up" otherwise how can the cleaner do their job. So if not tidy, their stuff just gets put on their bed to enable the cleaning to be done.

Get YOUR rules established and stick to them.

Find yourself a partner who is more the sort of person you want to be with, who has the same standards as you.

Just do it.

newcook

def stop cooking and doing their washing for them!! buy a padlock for a cupboard or 2 and the fridge so it stops them nicking your grub when theirs runs out!!!

alternatively draw up a rota and tell them if they dont stick to it the house keeping is going up and the playstations are going on ebay for the first installment!!

barnaby-bear

princess_loki wrote: »

where you can leave your 'v' festival tent and stuff in the front room to stink the house out.

oooh a tent - you have a tent - you have a garden, you have people living in the house who don't appreciate it's comforts - hmm I wonder where my train of thought is going.....

barnaby-bear

Susan_Frost wrote: »

Keep the cat, kick out the other two.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
The problem can be numbers - in a houseshare of 3 - there's always a majority - usually the couple - here though it's boyf and matey... maybe matey could go and you could get a very dour religious middle-aged woman instead - of a quiet female foreign student....?

Errata

Stick a really nice picture of yourself on the kitchen wall with a sign underneath saying I AM NOT YOUR MUMMY !

misgrace

barnaby-bear wrote: »

Easy then - your house - you set the rent - just went up £25 a week each - so you have 6 hours of cleaner

Excellent :T


I would never of thought of that, but it makes sense.:D


I really feel for you, but lets cut to the nitty gritty here, there is a saying.... people do to you what you allow them to do, and this is whats happening in your case.
You come across as a really nice placid person, and taking a load of krap, and tbh, all the shouting in the world aint gonna help, nor is sitting down with cups of tea.

if plan A, B or even C dont work, then you have sit down and talk to yourself, and realise things aint gonna change.

I know this for a fact,as its happened to me, but I didnt have a lodger to contend with, I had a great big lump of a husband.
For 10 years I ranted, threatened, sat down with cups of tea, be nicey nicey, 'told him how I felt' etc etc, nothing worked, I tried every avenue, nothing!!!!
I had no other option but to pack his stuff up, and throw him out, I have got to be honest here, I didnt want too, as I love him, but I couldnt take any more, so I had to cut my nose off to spite my face so to speak, and was krapping myself that it would backfire on me, but I was on a mission, and I had to follow it through, I had no other choice, as I tried everything else.

Well, it worked, he left, was on his own for about a month, lived in a proper shathole, (how he treated his marital home), but cause there was no fool (me) to clean it up, he couldnt cope.
He came back apologising, as he had over 4 weeks to think what he wanted out of life, he lived rough, ate rough, and missed the nice home life.

Its only been about 6 weeks, but so far he is a changed man, he is doing more around the house, he is not as lazy, and I am feeling more warmer towards him because I am not so tired, angry,or resentful towards him.

So what I am saying is that after 10 years of banging my head against a brick wall, I had to take a chance, take the bull by the horns and throw him out (last resort), as there was no other way to go, and so far it seems to have done the trick. (fingers crossed)

So maybe, you have to take drastic action somewhere along the line.

BitterAndTwisted

Misgrace you are a very, very brave woman. I take my hat off to you!

misgrace

Awww bless you B&T

TBH It wasnt easy, as I was genuinly krapping myself, 'How would I be able to pay mortgage' 'council tax' etc on my wages, even though i earned a decent wage, but as a P&D my work is not always guarenteed, plus I am self employed.
Then it was..., 'I'll miss the chats, the laughs, ( as we do make each other laugh', the cosyiness of discusiing things, taking the P out of Tv programs, etc.
But when I weighed everything up, I thought, I still have to do it, as there was no other road to take.

Dont get me wrong, I know I would survive, as I am a survivor, as this is my second husband, my first.....:rolleyes: well, thats another story.

But even if I had to take in lodgers, take in washing etc, I would do it, as I couldnt go on the way I was.

You know we all have krap in our lives, ie bills, kids, things that just happen, and things that makes us unhappy but we can get through that if we have someone at our side, but , there is a saying thats always in my head, and it goes something like this..... 'I would rather be unhappy and be on my own, than be with someone and still be unhappy'

Thanks again B&T for your nice words.:D

1sttimer_2

Oh, I thought someone had stolen my life - till I read the lodger bit:rolleyes:

Now then, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought we women were on this earth to run after the boys, to clean and care for them. To feed them and keep them as they were used to be kept at home before they came to the marital home - which means that we women have to do all the 'nasty, dirty' jobs that poor hubby couldn't possibly do after a long hard day at work. We women are used to doing these things as well as working full time, bringing up children and every thing else. Aren't we? :rolleyes2

Please don't tell me that I shouldn't have been doing all these things for my OH all these years whilst he did the hard work at playing football/cricket/tennis/table tennis etc. etc. He used to be soooooo tired after playing these sports that he could only just about carry his dirty bag into the house - never mind actually emptying it - nor putting any dirty things into the clothes basket or washing machine (washer - what washer!).

Oh dear, I must have got the wrong idea of marriage, you know, the bit where it says '(Name), I take you to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife). Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and I will turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life' or something like that!

Perhaps he thought that it only meant ME to do these things or that it didn't mean he had to actually do these things too, he was only MARRYING me, wasn't he, and I was so lucky that he was doing this, just for me, wasn't I?


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

boopydoo

I completely feel for you. My OH was the most mollycoddled boy ever- his mum does absolutely everything for him. He's 24 and she still packs his bag for him if he's going away and -wait for it- when she irons his shirts she buttons them up bar the top two so that he can just pull it over his head in the mornings.

We are currently trying to gather enough money to buy a house but I have spelt it out that when we move in together I am not going to be his mother reincarnated. You just need some tough love. If I make the dinner at the minute- he clears the dishes. We have a rule that whoever buys the takeaway doesn't clear the dishes. I rarely pay for a takeaway. We both work so I don't see why I should have to do any more than him when we get home. Although I draw the line at giving him cooking duties lol