Retired horse - end of the road?

GotToChange

I feel terrible; it must seem that I have dropped off the face of the planet - after all the wonderful help that I have had. I am so sorry... I guess that hardest thing is listening to all the words of advice and support I have received from everyone and then admitting that I am still stuck.

The key thing for me is that the horse seems happy and well (as can be expected). I am trying and trying to "keep the peace" - although was shouted at when I turned up "late" on the first evening of bringing them in for the night for the first time last Friday. It wasn't because he was inconvenienced in anyway as he now largely ignores his son's two horses and mine and just deals with the old mare and the youngster (to the point where - unless it suits - his son and I are actively discouraged from attending to them in any way). All of this is made more difficult by the fact that living out is over for the year so much more has to be done for [all of] them...

Anyway - it was suggested (sorry, the name of the poster escapes me at the mo) upthread that I maybe get a vet to come and give my horse the once-over. It was something that I had been thinking about and - in the hope of "proving" that we don't need the kn***er -man yet - I rang the vet that we are registered with and who diagnosed his various ailments and last treated him for mild colic a couple of years ago. It has turned out that my friend (farmer's son) had a (my) vet come out last week and give my horse an examination.

He hasn't told me that he did, nor the outcome. They came 30/9, so he's had some time to do it. What on Earth do I do? I know he meant well, but it's a bit annoying.

Anyway, what the report says (I have this verbally from whoever I spoke to at the practice, not the Vet who saw him) is that he has a medium condition score (2), that he has a grade 3 heart murmur but that isn't a problem (?) and that his teeth need doing (although my friend said the horse dentist came the week before and only needed to remove tartar). They could prescribe bute if I wanted but it's only an option - and could also run blood tests, but as I wasn't present, I wasn't able to ask why they would feel it necessary to run blood tests. He has typical grey horse melanoma (he had a big one before that fell off) but it isn't affecting his quality of life. She did not suggest euthenasia and did not say that he looked like a cruelty case.

So, this is all good. But of course, I have the puzzle of my friend doing this in secret and how I tell him that I know and how I stop myself from telling his Dad to put it in his pipe and smoke it. Because, it is only the fact that I am staying away from the farm as much as a I can - relying on my friend more than ever - and now handing over the money as demanded (even though my horse is actually turning his nose up at the haylage that I have to pay extra for) - that means relationship is a little more cordial. It isn't. I am just keeping my big mouth closed as any more upset will simply be the last straw.

foreign_correspondent

Could you just tell him you rang the vet, cos you wanted them to take a look at the horse, and they mantioned they had already been out...?

...could the vet have been out there on another job, and been asked to cast an eye over your horse whilst they were there?

Woofles

Could the son have got the report from the vet to show to his father as proove that your horse does have a quality of life.

Presumably the son is picking up the vets bill.

cally6008

How DARE they get the vet to look at YOUR horse without YOUR permission ?

Plenty of people have suggested other people to ask about yards, tried to make contacts for you and suggested lots of advice.

You are making yourself and your horse even more unhappy by staying at this yard and taking such CARP from your "so called friend" and his dad. Friends do NOT do "MANURE" like that.

We can only help and advise so much, its upto YOU to take action and short of us MSE'ers coming down there and physically moving you and your horse somewhere else so you can see how much happier you and your horse would be and how less stressful the whole situation would be .... I dont know what we can do

GotToChange

I agree that I should say that it came to light when I called them to arrange an exam myself. The bill was settled at the time, so it would seem that he is covering it; I just wish he had told me or would tell me before I (feel I have to) say something. I also need to establish when the horse dentist came as I am sure it was before the vet did which means that the dentist didn't do a good job as the vet says that his teeth need doing (still)....

It's such a worry.

The farmer himself has been out all day which meant that I did go round during the day (I try to avoid him now which means that I only go once - much to his annoyance); he had asked his son (my friend) to ask me to go round and take the dog out for a walk. He obviously could not care less whether or not I have something else that I should do. To keep the peace, his son said I would (without asking me), which means he is getting caught up in the middle and it's just not fair.

lostinrates

I'm most glad to here you are ok gottochange.

re thye vet, well, yes, I'd be steaming, but it seems, with nothing but fondness in my comment, that personal boundaries are so confused between you all that it is hard for anyone to discern what is and is not acceptable.

If you are ok, and horse is ok...the boundary issue is not so new.

cally6008

Vets are not Equine Technicians (horse dentists) and opinions will differ between them as to if a horse's teeth need doing

GotToChange

cally6008 wrote: »

How DARE they get the vet to look at YOUR horse without YOUR permission ?

Plenty of people have suggested other people to ask about yards, tried to make contacts for you and suggested lots of advice.

You are making yourself and your horse even more unhappy by staying at this yard and taking such CARP from your "so called friend" and his dad. Friends do NOT do "MANURE" like that.

We can only help and advise so much, its upto YOU to take action and short of us MSE'ers coming down there and physically moving you and your horse somewhere else so you can see how much happier you and your horse would be and how less stressful the whole situation would be .... I dont know what we can do

I know I know *hangs head in shame*

I suppose I felt that I should post again to let you (all) - if interested - know how things are/that I haven't been brave enough to make the move yet.

(I really appreciate your support and advice - but should probably have kept quiet this time...)

GotToChange

cally6008 wrote: »

Vets are not Equine Technicians (horse dentists) and opinions will differ between them as to if a horse's teeth need doing

She said that he was quidding - which I doubt she would have seen unless there at feed time (which again, I don't know). I haven't seen any evidence that he is and all his feed is being eaten. I don't know what to believe now.

GotToChange

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm most glad to here you are ok gottochange.

re thye vet, well, yes, I'd be steaming, but it seems, with nothing but fondness in my comment, that personal boundaries are so confused between you all that it is hard for anyone to discern what is and is not acceptable.

If you are ok, and horse is ok...the boundary issue is not so new.

You are right. How could I have know that it would end up like this? (Rhetorical question there...) I said that it would be impossible to go "back" (if it ever was) to business-like.