Retired horse - end of the road?

bgeegee

Hi,

Just wondered if you are anywhere near Junction 25 of M1 ? I am on a private yard, 24/7 turnout if required, come and go as you please, hay, haylage and starw on site, very large stables and only my two horses on there. Large field shelter and more grazing than my two could ever get through. Two people just been kicked off for not paying their rent so stables now free if I can persuade the owner that there are some nice, responsible people in this world..... if any use to you, please email me and we'll talk further. not sure how your finances are but I pay £20.00 per week each but worth it as I can do as I please pretty much !!! The fact that there is so much grass means my hay bill is much less than it's been at any other yard I've been to. One of my boys is retired so would appreciate the company of another doddery old companion..!!!

GotToChange

Jojo - you are very very right (of course). As brighthair has described, it is so very difficult to think of putting to sleep when they appear well. (I of course don't think I am the only person who has/had this dilemma...) Adding to the fact that - were it not for all this carp -it truly truly isn't necessary (I hope/don't think) quite yet. It is the rubbish that I am being subjected to (causing?) that is making me think that I have to take that step.

Both I and the horse would find moving difficult - but it is as though the cons are deliberately being made to outweigh the pros. I know that the farmer thinks/wishes that I get him pts; it seems as though that is how much he despises me. (When his wife was alive, he had the same kind of resentment towards me over the friendship that she and I had; now he is behaving in such an odd, possessive and frankly disturbing way with his son; as though he is some kind of replacement.) My presence dilutes his "power" but he is being so rotten to me with his approach. I know he doesn't know how close I am to the edge - even so, he doesn't care. And - in all honesty - nor should he. But it is all so - too -much to deal with, I don't think that I am tough enough anymore. But you are doubly right to say that the knowledge that I had had him pts BECAUSE of all this, because I can't handle it and didn't try to find another solution - well, that would be the most awful thing to have to live with...

I am going to make some tentative steps towards looking at other options; not that it is one, but I have already spoken to the veterinary practice about euthanasia - but only the practicalities. He is registered with them but has only been attended to seriously on a couple of occasions; there is no-one there who would have much interest in our worries, although they are of course very sympathetic. They are quite some distance away so I wouldn't bring anyone out unnecessarily.

There are no other yards or farms suitable in this village (I know them "all"), I shall this afternoon check the feed merchants/eq. centre's notice boards as I may have to go further afield.

Oh gosh, I wish I could go back in time... *sigh*

Thank you again for your very much appreciated words.

x

GotToChange

bgeegee wrote: »

Hi,

Just wondered if you are anywhere near Junction 25 of M1 ? I am on a private yard, 24/7 turnout if required, come and go as you please, hay, haylage and starw on site, very large stables and only my two horses on there. Large field shelter and more grazing than my two could ever get through. Two people just been kicked off for not paying their rent so stables now free if I can persuade the owner that there are some nice, responsible people in this world..... if any use to you, please email me and we'll talk further. not sure how your finances are but I pay £20.00 per week each but worth it as I can do as I please pretty much !!! The fact that there is so much grass means my hay bill is much less than it's been at any other yard I've been to. One of my boys is retired so would appreciate the company of another doddery old companion..!!!

Oh I wish. And thank you so so much for your thought/suggestion...

I am closer to Junction 31 so it would be an impractical distance.

It sounds wonderful, you are very very lucky.

bgeegee

So I will ask her if she knows anywhere that may be a bit off the beated track. She teaches lots of places so may know a private yard that would be willing to give him a place......will let you know.

fantasia322

Hi,

Just wondered if you are anywhere near Junction 25 of M1 ? I am on a private yard, 24/7 turnout if required, come and go as you please, hay, haylage and starw on site, very large stables and only my two horses on there. Large field shelter and more grazing than my two could ever get through. Two people just been kicked off for not paying their rent so stables now free if I can persuade the owner that there are some nice, responsible people in this world..... if any use to you, please email me and we'll talk further. not sure how your finances are but I pay £20.00 per week each but worth it as I can do as I please pretty much !!! The fact that there is so much grass means my hay bill is much less than it's been at any other yard I've been to. One of my boys is retired so would appreciate the company of another doddery old companion..!!!

What an amazing offer - its lovely that people will go out of their way on here to try to help. I just wish I was nearer and in a position to help. There must be somebody out there who can surely. Best wishes and hugs to you and your 'old boy'.

lostinrates

Just hoping that Gottochane is ok. Sadly I'm miles and miles away.

GotToChange

So - The "Discussion" (which had been described as "reconciliation" - I suspect to get me to attend)...

I had thought it was to be me, proprietor and his eldest son (my friend - for what it's worth). His younger son put in an appearance too (eldest son was not aware) - this son was blatantly "on his dad's side" of course (although we used to get on), has lived away from the farm for years but most importantly has very little knowledge of or interest in horses. Oh and he brought his <1 year old daughter with him - so the whole "discussion" was punctuated by crying, feeding, crying, burping, crying, nappy change. I can't help but wonder if that was somehow meant to throw me off a little as well (her mother was at home and besides, the child should have been in bed) - it certainly did not help one iota. *sigh*

Even though the eldest son IS my friend (and used to wish for more), it was inevitable that I felt outnumbered. He does not (good manners I think) stand up to his father so it ended up that both father and younger son were going at me (and yet looked at each other when speaking to me) and I just spent all my time defending myself with no back up. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see elder son nodding when I tried to make some point or other but he allowed himself to be drowned out when trying to make a point himself. It was almost farcical - especially as there is no real need for it and God knows why they thought I can actually take all this without heading for the nearest high bridge to throw myself off...

Only lip service was being paid to "reconcilliation" - one of the first complaints was that I have argued with him for the last 12 years (oh OK then) so history was being well and truly re-written. When I asked what expectations he had, first thing was money - which was actually the one thing that didn't need to be mentioned as it had already been settled. The recent bad feeling has come from me being spoken to like s**t, trying to stand up for myself and then fix matters but also trying to make sure that his grumbles towards me stayed in focus.

He took a different tack this time: now (all of a sudden) I am given a lecture on horse welfare as "you only have to compare T to the other three to see that he's too thin". If any official person came to the yard, HE would be in trouble as having allowed such neglect to occur (can someone please check out my photo upthread; is this horse looking like a cruelty case?). I was also accused of not caring about my horse because I only go to the farm once a day (this is VERY VERY recent as I have been going twice throughout the summer as once was to walk His dog/see horse at same time); being as I actually hate it there now, it's just one more stick to beat me with and make me feel useless. He also - after 12+ years - expects me to go there at 7:00am (or whatever time he decrees they get their breakfast - which has many times been way earlier) just to tip a bucket into a manger (feed is always left ready the night before) but also to possibly wait around to then turn out and muck out. This has never happened in 12 years! The neighbours hate the fact that there is a yard there and blocked me in once, making me late for work and needing the police to come and get them to move the car. (There is a lot of history with farm location and access etc and I just got caught up it.)
From the days when there were 30 odd horses there, it has never been an option (regardless of my work circumstances) to go there; from experience, I knew that I cannot just take care of mine, I have to look after the others too and am not allowed to dusrupt the yard by just feeding my own, turning out etc. It's rubbish and never what I envisaged but I have lived with it and lowered my own expectations - only for this U-turn, which is totally impractical and just not do-able. Any other yard I know offers morning feed, rug change and turn out - usually for the benefit of the yard and proprietor/minimum fuss. It is another example of goalposts being picked up and moved to a different pitch altogether.

It feels like the worst of both worlds - I have been there so long (and become, as I've already said, so firmly entrenched) that hanging onto my own (high) standards has been virtually impossible. BUT by virtue of the longevity of the arrangement, grudges have been formed and held onto that are now being thrown back at me at the worst possible time.

It seemed more of an(other) exercise in insulting me, hurling insults about my horse and his care - oh and now I'm not even "fit" to help with the foal that I've handled from birth (now four y.o.) and he's pushed me out of that, managing to bring up the one time I left her and her mum in the rain because she was being an absolute cow (rearing, charging, fly-kicking -all quite impressive) as justification for not being caring enough to "help" although I can "ask him every day what he has been doing with her" (and his new sidekick [the neice who has not set foot in the village for four years] - than anything close to finding a good way forwards (sorry for business-speak).

He laid out his plans for develeoping the place into a DIY yard for up to 18 horses (very little chance given the facilities and what he will expect people to put up with) and that I must integrate rather than be "aloof" and that I am not to be considered any different [chances are that I won't be able to even come into the yard the "front" entrance as business visitors have to come down the track. I ruined two cars doing that years ago and would have to take a detour right past the farm and through the village to come in the back way.) I was told - by him - and the younger son - that I will have to be polite to everyone and must under no circumstances "cause an atmosphere".

How crazy is it to put me through all this when my horse probably only has/had a few weeks left? It is as though I must be made extra-miserable, unsettled, pushed out, a trouble-maker, parasite, hanger-on and failure - even at the one thing that 1) I have always been good at - and 2) that matters to me at such a very deep level.

In the end, I just smiled and said OK. He was so insistent that I back down that I gave up, "agreed" with him shook his hand and left.

Today I have got numbers for other yards - none are close and I know that a couple are not what I will like. I also - as I knew that no-one was home - went round to check on my horse - and the others. The youngster made quite a sad sight in her paddock alone, looking at the others. The three bays were lying down and mine was standing look-out. They stayed down (I even fed the meanest of them a Polo whilst he stayed down) and was followed by my own with the occasional nose in the back until he got the standard half packet of Polos to himself. As I walked out of the field, I looked back and could see that he had stopped half-stride and was pointing his off-fore quite significantly; I flatly REFUSE to think "Oh well, now is the time"; I have made it clear that nothing will be hastened or delayed because of this revolting situation - but I don't want him to be suffering. It is so very hard.

x

Raksha

Oh dear, it really doesn't sound like a good place to be, both physically and mentally.

I don't thave anything else to say, but that I am thinking of you and wish somebody could wave a magic wand

lostinrates

well done for looking around gottochange.

FWIW I must be heinous, as I frequently leave horses out in the rain. On occasions where I have shared facilities and tuning out/feeding have been an issue other people have been rally useful. e.g. I will not leave a horse of mine in alone, nor out alone. So, if a yard ''chum'' can let me feed, rug and turnout theirs in the morning I'm content to do the little etra work that requires. Usually under that circumstance I would muck/skip out mine and happily skip out their bo instead of twiddling my thumbs while they eat. Perhaps, these things considered, some DIYs arriving might be in your interest as they could do a morning check on your old man and you could reciprocate other days/evenings. e.g. a mother might find doing a morning duty (after school run) possible but a late visit when kids are home harder.

New people might also help break up this terrible atmosphere at least while you look for somewhere else.

The hardest part is biting your tngue when things aren't done how you like, but this I've ome to accept is the problem with yards, and the only thing you can do is insist your horse has what he needs.

Old guys do struggle with weight and its never a bad idea to review at this time of year, so refus to let it offend you and have a think about what adjustments he might benefit from going into the colder season. (ours are outside and still refusing forage but tuking down to thrice daily short feeds now). This again might be a bonus of more people. If you staggar times you visit it might benefit feeding: my special gal is going to need upwards of four short feeds over winter this year, she needs a lot of shorts and small meals are a priority, so I wish someone else was going to be around to throw a prepared bucket to her for me!

You cannot control their behavious, you can yours. Smiling and getting on with it sounds spot on to me, well done you.

GotToChange

lostinrates wrote: »

well done for looking around gottochange.

FWIW I must be heinous, as I frequently leave horses out in the rain. On that same night, I had no choice but to leave mine out, nothing was said at the time, it is as though he keeping a list. On occasions where I have shared facilities and tuning out/feeding have been an issue other people have been rally useful. e.g. I will not leave a horse of mine in alone, nor out alone. Me too, I hate it. Last week, mine was left out alone (me neither there or aware - and went loopy. That apparently was also noted in dispatches to hurl at me.So, if a yard ''chum'' can let me feed, rug and turnout theirs in the morning I'm content to do the little etra work that requires. Usually under that circumstance I would muck/skip out mine and happily skip out their bo instead of twiddling my thumbs while they eat. Perhaps, these things considered, some DIYs arriving might be in your interest as they could do a morning check on your old man and you could reciprocate other days/evenings. e.g. a mother might find doing a morning duty (after school run) possible but a late visit when kids are home harder. Oh I hope so - but worry that the chances are they will be turned against me before they even meet me. (It has happened before...)

New people might also help break up this terrible atmosphere at least while you look for somewhere else. Please God

The hardest part is biting your tngue when things aren't done how you like, but this I've ome to accept is the problem with yards, and the only thing you can do is insist your horse has what he needs. I do try - have always tried.

Old guys do struggle with weight and its never a bad idea to review at this time of year, so refus to let it offend you and have a think about what adjustments he might benefit from going into the colder season. (ours are outside and still refusing forage but tuking down to thrice daily short feeds now). This again might be a bonus of more people. If you staggar times you visit it might benefit feeding: my special gal is going to need upwards of four short feeds over winter this year, she needs a lot of shorts and small meals are a priority, so I wish someone else was going to be around to throw a prepared bucket to her for me!
Feeding one only either in or out of the field is likely to cause BIG problems; even if haylage is put it, he won't get much. As soon as they start to be coming in, he will have two big bucket feeds and loads of hay/lage at night. This is the first year that I have been got at about his weight and yet he is no different. He has a tummy, it is that his muscle tone has gone with no real exercise. The digs about it almost make me laugh as the man hasn't given a monkeys for forever about the consition of my horse. Why now?

You cannot control their behavious, you can yours. Smiling and getting on with it sounds spot on to me, well done you.

Thank you for your kind support and encouragement.TYou are so right in everything you say... I am off there now - trying to find a grey in the dark. Fun.

x