Retired horse - end of the road?

Chesnut1

My god and I thought my old yard was a nightmare due to a spineless owner! I agree you need to get out of there fast even though this is very difficult as I fear that even if your yard gets new liveries they will qiuckly learn that the owner is a cantankerous old g** and they will leave. Of course you will get the blame for this not his attitude and disturbed mind, I personally think you should be investigating getting this appauling man sectioned! At least if you can get away from this horrific situation then you can warn all potentiel liveries in your area what to expect. I know it is an extra cost but if you have/or can find a good outspoken vet then it may be worth getting one out too evaluate your boys condition and general health and for vet to give a report to the farmer or better still speak to him (dress him down) I know my vet would. Then if the farmer moans you can point out that as he was obviously worried about your horses welfare and what with the prospective liveries popping up at some point then you thought it would be fairer to get an expert opinion just to cover the farmer should your boy be reported as I neglect case! I know this is farsical but play him at his own game and shut him up on this issue, then if he starts up again you have independant grounds to argue with him. I hope this gets better for you both x

bgeegee

About going asking around other local farms ? That's what I did when I was deperately unhappy at one place I was at. The yard I was on at the time had assured me that we could have daily turnout even in Winter when I moved on it and then they changed their minds once I was on there and told me the horses had to stay in for 8 weeks over the winter. My old boy colicked twice in two weeks and it was only by luck that someone was on the yard and spotted him - he'd never colicked in the previous 14 years I'd owned him and I was terrified he'd go down and no-one would find him, ending up with him being PTS. The day after New Year's Day in 2008 was really my darkest day and I've never felt so miserable. I went around every farm and landowner I could find within a 10 mile radius of my house and came up trumps by the middle of the afternoon - it felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders knowing that I was going to be able to help my precious boys. Alot of farms have stables/barns that they never use but also never advertise and I only found 'my sanctuary' by just door-knocking and begging. Don't give up on your old boy cos there will be something out there with his name on it - just keep looking but not necessarily at livery yards. Someone else I know in July approached a houseowner with a 2 acre paddock on the back of it. They have negotiated livery and the owner has now put up two stables and a feed shed for them... Another friend approached the owners of a paddock which only had their own horses on it. They had one spare stable which my friend is now renting off them......Keep your spirits up and try the above, something will come along.........even if your boy doesn't have other equine company for a while, as long as there is something else there for company, then he will be happier than not seeing his mum because of other people.....

orlao

Hi GotToChange,

How are you getting on?

trudij

yes - how are things now?? xx

lostinrates

Yes,I hope everything is going ok too.

GotToChange

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
for asking and caring about my predicament...

I hate to admit that I have stalled; I am simply wishing that there had been none of the upset or that I had never opened my big mouth in the first place.

Since the discussion that took place last Monday evening, I have simply tried to keep a low profile and carry on as I had been doing. I have such an issue with the sad fact that my horse's life was in all probability coming to an end anyway, why could he (and I) not be left alone. I resent so much as one second analysing or attempting to understand the way this man's mind works when I have so many other things that I have to worry about or attend to or - please God - make progress with. I also feel so very strongly about how his son/my friend is being treated that the fact that I merely want to look after (and enjoy) my horse is being overshadowed by all this c**p.

Now that the youngster (who is now - after four years - nothing to do with me, I am told) lives alone in a separate field, she is brought in for the night and the old mare from the other field/herd is brought in to keep her company in the "shed". This takes two people - for safety. For the last three evenings , the old man has been out for the evening socialising - leaving it to his son and I to do. How he has the nerve is beyond me. When son and I went out on a bike ride, I panicked as dark was falling because I knew that there would be trouble if he wasn't back to help his Dad. I made him leave me on a dark country lane to get back (faster cyclist than me) to the farm and help his Dad - who, as it turned out didn't come home for another two hours (long after we brought them in).

It all sounds so petty and trivial but I can't get my head or life in a good enough place to make the changes that are needed (especially not the ultimate one). Even my friend suggested (as upthread) that I get a Vet to give my horse the once over - so that his Dad would get off my back, but I also privately wonder if he doesn't also think that I am doing something wrong...

The other issue is that now I feel as though I am such a lousy person in general and horse-woman in particular that I have no faith in myself and certainly not the courage to go to another yard where I might f*** up all over again.

I appreciate every word of advice and encouragement that I have been given and am so ashamed that I haven't (so far) acted on it. I'm just too much of a weed.

x

trudij

You arent a weed at all - you have found yourself in a horrible situation, and right now,you cant see the wood for the trees.
You wouldnt have got him to his age and in such good health for the age,if you werent a good,capable horsewoman.Its scary moving to a new place - you always feel like you are being watched - but people arent watching you - honest!!
To be honest - I think you are doing the right thing helping the son bring the horses in - if nothing else, its going to show any of the other liveries that you are willing to help them out - despite what he says and how he treats you - it can only do you good in the long run.

As for your decision - its yours and yours alone to make. Dont ever do it because people are telling you you should - its no-ones choice but yours and his. you will know when the right time is.

xxxx

orlao

GotToChange wrote: »

Thank you

The other issue is that now I feel as though I am such a lousy person in general and horse-woman in particular that I have no faith in myself and certainly not the courage to go to another yard where I might f*** up all over again.

I appreciate every word of advice and encouragement that I have been given and am so ashamed that I haven't (so far) acted on it. I'm just too much of a weed.

x

Ok, to me you don't sound like a lousy person - lousy people don't help out with someone elses animals/business for years through the kindness of their heart. Many experienced, expert horsey bods would be in awe of you getting a 27 yo TB with lameness issues to his age AND looking so well and content. I think you were very kind to help your friend but IMHO it isn't your responsibility and his dad won't appreciate it....in fact, their direct request was that you back off so despite how difficult it is, you might be better off doing so!

If you went to another yard, you could decide how much you want to get involved - every yard has the "sociable" people and the people who don't get involved with anyone else and all the people in between. Nobody thinks anything of it!

You're not a weed - it's a very hard decision to make to change yards as the welfare of our animals is always our priority. But, just a thought, if you were to look around, that's not actually making a commitment, just exploring your options IYSWIM?

Chin up, you're doing ok.

O x

jenhug

are there any horse feed places near you that you could put a wanted ad up in? or local farmshops newsagents etc? someone may have a space out there for you.

lostinrates

trudij wrote: »

As for your decision - its yours and yours alone to make. Dont ever do it because people are telling you you should - its no-ones choice but yours and his. you will know when the right time is.

xxxx

I agree.

It doesn't sound really as if your horse is suffering and while this stress on you is highly regretable, I wonder if moving might be more stressful. All in all, from what you have described I think everyone must have high emotion over this, the man, his sons- I think it probably is somewhat stresful for you all, hence the slightly OTT reactions from the man. So, I think, keeping low, nodding and agreeing on the outside and conitinuing to do what is best for you and your old man while it possible is not a bad option.

However: I would suggest keeping up to date with what is around, not to take it but to know what is there if you do find yourself in extremis again. Because there is little worse than looking for somewhere to keep a horse when absolutely desperate, especially in winter!


Just keep going gottochange, do what you need to do, put your horse and yourself first. Smile at the new liveries, smile like an idiot and reply to everything they ask/talk about in a smiley and non-commital way and direct quetions beyond asking about where taps are etc tothe YO, but smile while you do it.