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too_much_debt

CAFCGirl wrote: »

Hello Ladies

I have no number munching to report on although I did get £20 in a Xmas card, and a £30 HMV voucher which was nice.

Am being very lazy whilst staying at my parents house and just hanging out really. Its strange it all seemed to take so long to come around but the past 4 days have just gone really quickly....

Glad you are taking it easy, mums and dads are great aren't they? My parents have helped out a lot and even though I'm 40 they still worry about me, even now my mum says that she doesn't sleep at night sometimes worrying about me as I am having a few issues with OH at the moment.

too_much_debt

Have subscribed now so will get e-mail notification when anyone posts.

Debt busting must seriously start after Xmas, it's my New Year's Resolution to stop buying chocolate, biscuits and goodies (in my defence I am depressed), just want to have savings instead of owing everybody. One of my credit cards charge me £84 interest this month and the minimum payment was £89 so only paying £5 off and it bugs me.

TMD

clearmydebts

too_much_debt wrote: »

Glad you are taking it easy, mums and dads are great aren't they? My parents have helped out a lot and even though I'm 40 they still worry about me, even now my mum says that she doesn't sleep at night sometimes worrying about me as I am having a few issues with OH at the moment.

Sorry to hear you are having a few issues with your OH. You know where we are if you need to let off steam.

It is great to have you back on here and I think that the New Year sounds like a great time to start tackling your debt

too_much_debt

clearmydebts wrote: »

Sorry to hear you are having a few issues with your OH. You know where we are if you need to let off steam.

It is great to have you back on here and I think that the New Year sounds like a great time to start tackling your debt

Thanks, it's great to be back and getting notification when someone posts a new message.

My OH is annoying me mainly to do with money but other things as well, I tell the kids not to help themselves to food, biscuits, drinks etc, they are only 5 and 4 yet he tells them to help themselves when he is here and it really bugs me, they are always pulling the chairs over to get up into the cupboard. And last week I was telling them to go to bed and he wasn't backing me up was letting them watch TV. One week he is here in the mornings and the next week he's here in the evenings and so on so it's hard to get a routine going.

Anyway, I decided that I can't live like this much longer, I've mentioned a few times to him that I don't have the money to pay the minimum payment on my credit card and he hasn't offered to lend/give me the money yet he's paying a credit card that he has that he lent his mum money on and it annoys me that he can pay his mother's bills but not help me out, it doesn't feel like we have a relationship and I feel like I'm a lodger as he's always saying about how he pays for everything but I can't get a job because of his job and he just says that I wouldn't earn enough anyway.

clearmydebts

too_much_debt wrote: »

Thanks, it's great to be back and getting notification when someone posts a new message.

My OH is annoying me mainly to do with money but other things as well, I tell the kids not to help themselves to food, biscuits, drinks etc, they are only 5 and 4 yet he tells them to help themselves when he is here and it really bugs me, they are always pulling the chairs over to get up into the cupboard. And last week I was telling them to go to bed and he wasn't backing me up was letting them watch TV. One week he is here in the mornings and the next week he's here in the evenings and so on so it's hard to get a routine going.

Anyway, I decided that I can't live like this much longer, I've mentioned a few times to him that I don't have the money to pay the minimum payment on my credit card and he hasn't offered to lend/give me the money yet he's paying a credit card that he has that he lent his mum money on and it annoys me that he can pay his mother's bills but not help me out, it doesn't feel like we have a relationship and I feel like I'm a lodger as he's always saying about how he pays for everything but I can't get a job because of his job and he just says that I wouldn't earn enough anyway.

Ah, that sounds like a bit of a nightmare alright with regards you not having not much money and him paying his Mum's card. Have you sat him down and told him how you feel?

Beyond that how about doing dooyoo, slice the pie, surveys (valued opinions, lightspeed etc etc). Also SavingH is a bit of a whizz at Bingoport and the like and probably point you in the right direction there. £5 here and there would pay off your credit card.

Do you have access to your OH's money (i.e. joint account) or are you expected to fend for yourself?

Maybe putting an SOA up might allow us to make some good suggestions.

too_much_debt

We have separate bank accounts and he sees that it is his money yet I've had to give up my life to look after the kids so I'm having to sell on Ebay as that is the only income I get apart from CTC and Child Benefit. He works late one week, earlies the next and works two weekends a month so I can't even get an evening job or a weekend job.

I think the end is nigh as I'm starting to hate him, at least I have my 3 girls and I wouldn't have them without him but I just want more for them than this and my parents would help out a bit too if we lived nearer to them and I know they would love to see the kids more, plus they are 71 and 68 and if anything happened I'm not nearby to go and see them.

After Xmas I need to really think hard about what I'm going to do.

Thanks for reading, promise to try and be cheerful from now on, I don't like being miserable.

I would be better off if we split up because then he would have to buy me out of my share of the house as it is in joint names, I paid £15k down as part of the deposit and he would have to pay maitenance for the kids, if I left with the kids we would move 2 hours away to where my parents live and then he wouldn't see his kids much, I feel guilty about that but am short tempered with the kids because I hate being here and he makes me mad.

too_much_debt

Forgot to say that he started giving me £100 a month about 6 months ago and the other day when I said about how I've mentioned to him that I don't have the money to pay my credit card bill he said that he gives me £100 a month and I should be grateful.

clearmydebts

It seems really unfair that he classes his wages as his money. What about you and his 3 kids?

It definitely sounds like you have lots of decisions to make but I can understand how you feel like separation is an option. Have you tried to discuss with him about the lack of support - both emotional and financial?

It certainly not your fault that you can't work as his working hours are very erratic. What does your Mum and Dad think?

too_much_debt

clearmydebts wrote: »

It seems really unfair that he classes his wages as his money. What about you and his 3 kids?

It definitely sounds like you have lots of decisions to make but I can understand how you feel like separation is an option. Have you tried to discuss with him about the lack of support - both emotional and financial?

It certainly not your fault that you can't work as his working hours are very erratic. What does your Mum and Dad think?

I have mentioned it to him a few times and all he says is that he gives me £100 a month so I should be thankful.

My mum and dad know as I've told them things before and my mum says she wakes up in the night worrying about me but I tell her not to worry, she said that me and the kids are always welcome to move in with them but they only have a 2 bed bungalow so I wouldn't like to impose on them, just need to start saving some money as well as paying the debts off, it's quite a bad time of year with Xmas but I have all the kids presents mostly bought when on special offer or half price.

I'm concentrating on listing loads on Ebay at the moment as Xmas is coming it's getting a bit busier.

How are things with you? How is your pregnancy going? When is the baby due? Didn't you go to Australia recently? How did you manage on the long flight? I am so glad that I'm not having anymore 3 is more than enough for me, OH's brother and sil are expecting their 7th in March.

TMD

clearmydebts

too_much_debt wrote: »

I have mentioned it to him a few times and all he says is that he gives me £100 a month so I should be thankful.

My mum and dad know as I've told them things before and my mum says she wakes up in the night worrying about me but I tell her not to worry, she said that me and the kids are always welcome to move in with them but they only have a 2 bed bungalow so I wouldn't like to impose on them, just need to start saving some money as well as paying the debts off, it's quite a bad time of year with Xmas but I have all the kids presents mostly bought when on special offer or half price.

I'm concentrating on listing loads on Ebay at the moment as Xmas is coming it's getting a bit busier.

How are things with you? How is your pregnancy going? When is the baby due? Didn't you go to Australia recently? How did you manage on the long flight? I am so glad that I'm not having anymore 3 is more than enough for me, OH's brother and sil are expecting their 7th in March.

TMD

So does your OH expect you to buy all the kids Xmas presents as well? That sounds really unfair???

If your Mum is waking up and worrying about you and has offered you a place to stay then it sounds like she means it. You have to think of your own mental health and well-being. You sound dreadfully unhappy at the moment.

My pregnancy is going well. Since I have gotten over the morning sickness it has been fine. Am a bit p*ssed off that we will still have debt when the baby is born but that might motivate me to get rid of it quicker.

Australia was brill and great to have some sunshine in November! The flight was very long but I got through it in the end. I am due in Feb and am nearly 30 weeks now so starting to get big. I think the most I will have is 2 children. I am nearly 33 now so getting on a bit. Ha ha!