OH wants break after 7 months of marriage!!!

kaze_2

Hi all,

My husband has just moved out after 7 months of marriage, mainly because he wants to have all his money for himself.

We have been together for 5 years and have an 18month old, when i first met him i had a good job earning a decent wage, with my own house nice car etc i supported him when he left the army until he found a job, everything was basically ok until i got pregnant and he had to start giving me money to help start saving for things for when baby arrived and when i was on maternity leave, he had £75 pocket money for himself per week to cover things like cigarettes and beer, altho was always asking for more.

To cut a long story short i went back to work but after 10 months got made redundant, company outsourcing to india!??! While i was at work everything seemed to be going ok, we had a lovely wedding in mexico in jan 2009 and i thought things were ok, not brilliant but ok, after all when you have an 18month old its never going to be easy.

But here's the crunch, when i lost my job and money started to get tight things got worse to the point where he has now moved out, have to admit did snap at him and tell him to go as he was expecting me to keep handing over more money when basically there wasn't any money to give.

Everything is in my name so was i wrong to expect him to help me pay for the mortgage, general living etc. Am starting to feel bad for getting him to leave but part of me feels it was the right thing to do, as i have always helped him out but now he doesn't want to help me.

mrcow

How are you going to pay the mortgage now if you've made him leave?

kaze_2

mrcow wrote: »

How are you going to pay the mortgage now if you've made him leave?

He didn't want to be there, and basically he wanted all his wages to himself!!! All well and good if we didn't have a child and we hadn't been together very long and i hadn't supported him when he didn't have work, so what was i supposed to do. Even if he'd stayed he didn't really want to pay towards the mortgage etc anyway.

Sorry

i can actually get a payment break of 6 months from my mortgage but i would try and pay at least the interest. Plus have found out maybe able to get housing benefit? as not working full time, altho am hoping that is going to change soon, really hate having to go pleading for jsa at job centre let alone anything else, worked for 20 years, struggled to get my own house, nice car etc am certainly not going to give it all up without a fight.

BeenieCat

Sounds like he's not ready for such a commitment, £75 a week pocket money to himself is very selfish if you don't have that luxury when you're supposed to be married.

julliff

kaze

So sorry to hear about your troubles.

I am not in a position to offer advice, but would just like to say that it is probably better to make the break now, than to spend years with someone who is totally unsupportive, and will drain you financially and emotionally.

Ultimately though, only you know if your OH is worth staying for, I am not saying you should turn your back on your marriage - just think very carefully before taking him back.

I speak from bitter and heartbreaking experience.

kaze_2

Beeniecat and julliff, thanks for your replies,
think deep down that i knew he was being selfish but i think i was hoping he would grow up to put it bluntly, i just feel so sorry for our daughter, luckily he has never really been a hands on dad so hopefully it won't affect her to much (i do everything for her, feeding, nappy changing, bathing etc if i asked him to do it, it was always thats your job your her mum). Don't get me wrong i do still love him we have been through a lot together, things that are lot worse than a few money troubles (met when we were in bosnia (me TA, him reg) in army, then he went to iraq, and i went back to normal life was hard especially as knew what he was facing over there, but we got through it, its just now, i feel like a failure for having an expensive wedding, family and friends came with us and its all over.

pretzelnut

My soon to be ex husband did this to me.

We were only married 22 weeks and i was 34 weeks pregnant at the time.

Initially i felt a failure and ashamed, that after 5 months of marriage it was over, i thought about the 6 months of wedding planning and all the people who had bought us gifts etc, then i thought, its not my fault, i ment every word of my vows, if he didnt want to get married or have a child there was plenty of oppertunity beforehand to say so. I got pregnant because he wanted a baby not me. But i wouldnt swap her for the world now.

He suddenly decided he didnt want marriage and kids and wanted all his money to himself. I already had a son to a previous partner, we had been together 2 years at this point. But i had known him for 12 years.

I havent spoke to him since the day he walked out and my divorce will be final in a few weeks. I had to deal with being single and heavily pregnant whilst he went out partying, he never once asked aboug his unborn child but constantly text me about what he was spending money on, including £9000 on a new motorbike.

I had everything in my name which made the seperation easier. But saying that i paid all the bills anyway and never asked him for money, so i still cant understand that one.

I instantly fell out of love with him, any man who could do that didnt deserve me is what i thought so i ploughed on regardless. Funny thing is its actualy costing him more money now due to child maintainence and solicitor fee's.

viktory

Your thread title is wrong. From what I can gather in your first post, you asked him to leave. I agree he should be supporting you and your child but kicking him out is hardly the adult mature way of dealing with things, is it? Quite frankly, after only 7 months of marriage you should both be trying harder to make things work.

You cannot claim HB on a property you own. The state will pay the interest only on your mortage after 13 weeks - and only on a mortgage £200k or under.

I actually really get the impression you were unhappy in the relationship and are using this as an excuse.

It's easy to kick your man out when you have the security of knowing that the state will keep you and your child reasonably comfortably.

Your poor child - another one to grow up without a father in life.

kaze_2

ok viktory, maybe the title of my thread is wrong, reason why i asked him to leave was because he basically didn't want to be there and loved telling me so every chance he got, he did suggest that we should have a break, but his idea of having a break was staying and not giving me any money. What was i supposed to do?

Wouldn't you be unhappy in a relationship which is all one sided? where you were told i never wanted a baby and didn't want to get married? I still love him and don't want my child to grow up in a single parent family and i sure as hell don't want to live on state benefits!!!

kindofagilr

viktory wrote: »

Your poor child - another one to grow up without a father in life.

What a dickish thing to say.

I grew up without a father and I had an amazing upbringing and I love my mother so much.

I hate that some people thing you have to have two parents to have a good life. (there are plenty of chavs claiming benefit for kids who have two parents)

What kind of life would this child have had seeing her mother and father not get along and her father waste £75 a week on beer and cigarettes?

viktory

kindofagilr wrote: »

What a dickish thing to say.

I grew up without a father and I had an amazing upbringing and I love my mother so much.

I hate that some people thing you have to have two parents to have a good life. (there are plenty of chavs claiming benefit for kids who have two parents)

What kind of life would this child have had seeing her mother and father not get along and her father waste £75 a week on beer and cigarettes?

What kind of person doesn't even try to make their marriage work? 7 months is nothing. Every relationship has problems - it is up to the adults to work through the problems. All the OP cares about is her house, her car and how much she can claim.

Oh and you are the !!!!!!. Every child has the right to have two parents - it is definitely, always better for the child. Sadly, it is now the norm to be a single parent. Doesn't make it right though. Of course there will be children that are brought up brilliantly by a single parent - but the fact remains that children do much better with both mother and father.