What do you do with a partner who doesn't want to change?

RAS

Just to add, keep a bit of money back (anywhere safe you can keep it at work?) and then if there is no food, buy something for you and the boys (even beans on toast) and do not feed her.

She has to learn that she is a stupid cow.

System

Thanks all, Feel better already I feel rather odd, Its usually the male who does this type of thing and the female has the sensible head.

GeorgeUK

:rotfl:

Sorry, but that made me chuckle RAS - i thought what an excellent and unopinionated post. Then i saw the second one.

I agree. She is being selfish and acting like a spoilt brat when she doesn't get her own way.

Rule number 1 - cover your asis
Anything that she does which could impact your credit rating you need to keep on top of.

She may be the one making the kids happy by buying them a wii, but what's her plan for when the bailiffs come to take it away? She doesn't live in the real world by the sound of it and being on a DMP is just an easy escape for her - especially as you are doing all the work to get things sorted.

gargrave50

Hi nirelandguy,

Just wanted to post to say I've read your thread. It sounds like your OH is living in her own wee bubble, which many of us have been guilty of before we had our LBM. Personally, I buried my head in the sand for years before tackling things now.

Does she realise how serious things are becoming in terms of your relationship, and also how serious things could become if she fails to pay on her agreements. I don't know what the answer is - if only it were that simple.

Keep pushing forward, and I hate to say it but you need to have the screaming match which it may take to bring her forward into reality. Let us know how it goes. I do surveys for vouchers to get things for my kids, just ordered an Ipod and 2 Wii games from Amazon to put by for Christmas - they cost me nothing as I'd earned Amazon vouchers. Years ago, I too would probably have done something ridiculous like take out a phone contract to get a Wii.:) xx Julie

Katie-Kat-Kins

Are you sure there is nothing more to it than this? No bi polar disorder or similar problem??

Are you sure she understands the severity of the situation?

I think you need to spell out to her very clearly that if she continues she may loose you the roof over your heads. Then propose a plan.

I'd suggest that plan involves you taking complete control of all finances and all money and she just gets a small pocket money budget. Don't even give her housekeeping, do the shopping online or go with her and pay. She clearly has no self control and until she realises this you need to look after yourself and your children. Don't let her be responsible for having your power cut off or your house reposessed.

Lottebear

Are you sure that there isn't something more a foot such as gambling?

System

Lottebear wrote: »

Are you sure that there isn't something more a foot such as gambling?

No, I do understand where she is coming from, she just wants a normal life, be able to do the everyday normal things, the rest of her family can, Isn't really alot to ask I suppose but the reality is her family are all in good paid jobs, we aren't

moneymakestheworldgoround

ooh, now you are starting to sound as delusional as your partner. She obviously talks a good talk and has started to convince you a little of her motives.

What is normal? If you come on here every day, normal can be applying for bankruptcy, or entering 100 competitions a day, or doing surveys for many different companies all day, or collecting loose change, or obsessively collecting £2 coins, or coupon cutting, or a whole host of bizarre and unusual ways !!

Society has led people to think normal is having all the trimmings and luxuries as the norm. However, I think the 'recession' has started to change peoples perceptions a little and luxury items have been classed as luxury items again , if you see what I mean !

I am all for trying in relationships. People give in too easily. HOWEVER I do think that your level of debt could increase significantly the longer you struggle with your partners attitude.

We all have different breaking points. I personally would have walked earlier than this, but thats me judging you which isnt helpful

You taking control is the only way forward in my eyes, but I do think she may react quite badly to this.

Good luck

sp1987

nirelandguy wrote: »

Bit of an update here, I do believe I am flogging a dead horse, so am going solo from now on. My half of the bills etc paid, she can do what ever I am past caring.

I talked to her about the info in the post a couple of weeks again she fell out with me, why do women always turn it around so the man is at fault

Few days later we have the arrival of a Nintento WII for our kids for Xmas, she took out a mobile contract so she could get the free Wii, best part is she doesn't even like the phone and is using her old phone.

In this weeks pay I saved £20 so we could have a bit of a treat tonight, a chinese while watching the footie. Got it out of the bank this morning, gave it to her and said leave that in the house, (I never take money to work as i'd only spend it) arrive home, told her my plans and you guessed it she bloody spent it, I went through her for a short cut, some friend of hers is moving into a house and she is going around tonight to visit and wanted to buy her a gift, I mean why the hell should I give a !!!!!! about a friend who A/ Never bought us nothing when we moved in and B/ earns double what we do. Grrrrrrrr.

Am I over reacting here? I am proper !!!!!! of

As much as I appreciate the difficulties you are facing, it is not only women who do this, it is selfish people regardless of gender.

Split all your joint debts so at least if you are liable for them, they are actually yours.

I would kill (well, maybe a bit much, really bl**dy shout at anyway) anybody who spent my cash on a present for somebody else...it is mine. I'm sure this was made worse by the fact you were going to share it with the selfish old boot! Did you tell her which chinese she was not getting to rub it in a bit? I would not be able to resist.

Zazen999

nirelandguy wrote: »

Bit of an update here, I do believe I am flogging a dead horse, so am going solo from now on. My half of the bills etc paid, she can do what ever I am past caring.

I talked to her about the info in the post a couple of weeks again she fell out with me, why do women always turn it around so the man is at fault

Few days later we have the arrival of a Nintento WII for our kids for Xmas, she took out a mobile contract so she could get the free Wii, best part is she doesn't even like the phone and is using her old phone.

In this weeks pay I saved £20 so we could have a bit of a treat tonight, a chinese while watching the footie. Got it out of the bank this morning, gave it to her and said leave that in the house, (I never take money to work as i'd only spend it) arrive home, told her my plans and you guessed it she bloody spent it, I went through her for a short cut, some friend of hers is moving into a house and she is going around tonight to visit and wanted to buy her a gift, I mean why the hell should I give a !!!!!! about a friend who A/ Never bought us nothing when we moved in and B/ earns double what we do. Grrrrrrrr.

Am I over reacting here? I am proper !!!!!! of

Are you both as bad as each other?

You don't take it to work as you'd just spend it
She can't have it as she would just spend it