What do you do with a partner who doesn't want to change?

Fortheloveofmoney

From some of your other posts on here I get the impression that you don't ever see a point in the future when things will be better for your family. Maybe she feels like this too and is reacting accordingly. Sorry if I've spoken out of turn, I really do sympathise.

Is there something you really both want that you could work towards? I remember from 1 of your threads you saying something about a holiday. Is this something you could aim for if you achieve a short term goal?

Going through life just barely affording the basics is a tough way to live. I'm not sure I could do it so hats off to anyone that can.

Is there any chance that either of you could retrain or gain additional qualifications to have the potential to earn more in the future?

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Hi Nireland guy

You are in an impossible situation and I feel for you entirely. Before my Dear Husband died in dreadful circumstances, he was alcoholic, and whilst im not saying your OH is this, the point Im making is that he lost complete control of money and is much of the reason why Im in such debt now because I transferred it into my name not knowing that he would die, thinking we would still be together and he would get better, knowing i would pay it and then there would be no nasty surprises with debt letters etc. This wasn't the way though. You will never be able to change your OH, she needs to want to change, there is a good prayer I learnt - not that Im ultra religious or anything, but the point of it is that at the end of the day you can only change yourself. Its The Serenity Prayer, and it goes as follows: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I still refer to this "prayer" myself when facing difficult situations to decide what my course of action should be. There will be answers to your situation, and Im sure you will find a way from within yourself and indeed the support and advice from this site.

All the best.

System

Fortheloveofmoney wrote: »

From some of your other posts on here I get the impression that you don't ever see a point in the future when things will be better for your family. Maybe she feels like this too and is reacting accordingly. Sorry if I've spoken out of turn, I really do sympathise.

Is there something you really both want that you could work towards? I remember from 1 of your threads you saying something about a holiday. Is this something you could aim for if you achieve a short term goal?

Going through life just barely affording the basics is a tough way to live. I'm not sure I could do it so hats off to anyone that can.

Is there any chance that either of you could retrain or gain additional qualifications to have the potential to earn more in the future?

You know what I don't and you hit the nail on the head, I am fed up training to be honest, I went down the Open Uni route. The only way I am going to get anywhere is learning to drive and get out and start my own business, thats always been my aim but with earning so little its hard to save and even harder to gain motivation, Unless I do something things will not change, other family members and friends have had lucky breaks that is not going to happen to us, the sooner I get of my a$$ the sooner I get out of this mess

System

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED wrote: »

Hi Nireland guy

You are in an impossible situation and I feel for you entirely. Before my Dear Husband died in dreadful circumstances, he was alcoholic, and whilst im not saying your OH is this, the point Im making is that he lost complete control of money and is much of the reason why Im in such debt now because I transferred it into my name not knowing that he would die, thinking we would still be together and he would get better, knowing i would pay it and then there would be no nasty surprises with debt letters etc. This wasn't the way though. You will never be able to change your OH, she needs to want to change, there is a good prayer I learnt - not that Im ultra religious or anything, but the point of it is that at the end of the day you can only change yourself. Its The Serenity Prayer, and it goes as follows: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I still refer to this "prayer" myself when facing difficult situations to decide what my course of action should be. There will be answers to your situation, and Im sure you will find a way from within yourself and indeed the support and advice from this site.

All the best.

Thanks for that, I'm not really religious either, but anything is worth a try thanks.

RAS

Hi

is your DMp a joint one?

And do answer Zazen's query

Fortheloveofmoney

nirelandguy wrote: »

You know what I don't and you hit the nail on the head, I am fed up training to be honest, I went down the Open Uni route. The only way I am going to get anywhere is learning to drive and get out and start my own business, thats always been my aim but with earning so little its hard to save and even harder to gain motivation, Unless I do something things will not change, other family members and friends have had lucky breaks that is not going to happen to us, the sooner I get of my a$$ the sooner I get out of this mess

I really think having something achievable that you can both work towards will make the process less daunting.

Does she know you're overall aim of starting up on your own? Maybe if you could both somehow see a way forward then you will feel like a cloud has been lifted and it will give you both the motivation to really go for it.

You're right about changing things. You need to ignore the lucky breaks other people seem to get as you will waste too much energy on "why them and not me". I can't remember who used to say it or even if this saying is correct but it goes something like this "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got"

Buffythedebtslayer

NIreland guy, It must be very hard to live in such depressing circumstances.

So hats off to you for staying and trying.


Its a bit out there but do you have any practical skills (DIY?) that you could offer as a swop for someone (a mate) to teach you to drive? There sometimes local "barter" organisations that may be able to match you up. then maybe you could learn to drive. I have a friend at work and he has offered me some lessons and I shall give it a go.

When things are really !!!! it becomes a case of try every thing once cos you never know.

take care xxxxxx

System

Zazen999 wrote: »

Why do you want her to change? [go with me on this one]...

Because I am fed up trying to do it on my own

System

RAS wrote: »

Hi

is your DMp a joint one?

And do answer Zazen's query

Yes it is joint.

RAS

Ok

How much is the tax credits debt?